Gay envy?

I tend to get quite bitter when I see good looking couples.

 

Nope, but I was never in that situation besides this one flaming gay guy who I know but he doesn't know me. I found out he was dating through his face book, and I was like good for him. The only reason why I went to his face book because I wasn't sure if I was the only gay person at school. But whatever, he's ugly.

I am only envious of people who I want to look like. Which is a very specific look, so it's kind of rare for that envy, but I know I can get that look. The reason why I am afraid is because I put limits on myself and I really shouldn't.

Then I think I am uglier than I really am, when deep down I know I am good looking, but I put myself in the same level as ugly guys. Which is kind of bad, since I feel depress afterward, then once I get in a good mood it goes way.

 

Well first off, its going to be easier to find a boyfriend the older you get and the more out you get. For all you know other guys are crushing on you but because they think your straight or dont know 100% for sure if your gay they hang back and dont make a move.

Very few people go about their everyday lives and magically trip over a hot guy who happens to like them and they ride off into the sunset on gay looking ponies. They do it by going out to gay bars, gay clubs, gay nights at different places, joining gay groups at colleges or community centers, gay hookup sites, or by getting set up by noisy friends who think they know whats best for you.

Basically, there is 101 ways to go about getting a boyfriend, but something you wont find on that list is wallowing in jealousy over someone you know who's seeing someone. That said, its a perfectly normal feeling to have and it just proves your human. People who don't ever get jealous make me wonder if its just because they dont care enough to feel that way.

 

im not sure of envious of hot couples im usually just envious of hot people.

 

OMG YES!!!! I totally get that.

i live is a really underpopulated area: ONLY 35,000!!! So don't you complain! Fuk its really annoying. no gay groups, clubs or whatever.

and theres this really flammy gay guy at my school. and i hate him. and he cant talk about anything else than what a gay slut he is, hes not at all attractive, etc, but lets not go there lol.

i was a bit(ok, quite) envious when i found out that he had a boyfriend! it was his best friend, the first person he came out to... WHEN HE WAS 13! and they had sex on the spot in the tent. OMG!

Maybe some people are just incredibly lucky.

 

^^ or slutty

that goes for any sexual orientation

 

hmm maybe. but i havent even met any gay/bi guys in my area, so if i was a slutty person, i wouldnt have got any anyway

hes had sex multiple times. not from my area because it sucks (except for with his childhood friend that he grew up with). and then he says that hes more interested in finding a boyfriend than sex. yeah right. he also says that hes not at all stereotypically gay (with the flick of his wrist).

 

I totally feel for you. :|

Quoted for truth. I am one of the incredibly lucky one to not have a bf.

 

Ahhhh yessss. At times im like why dont i have a girlfriend? Then i remember im not 100% out and there are about 4 lesbians in my town (myself included)

 

>>>I've also repeatedly tried to strike up a conversation with him with mixed results. I wonder what his boyfriend has what I don't? Better yet, why hasn't it happened for me yet?

What's he got
That I ain't got?
He's got you.
That's what he's got
That's what he's got
Hey!

[youtube]0Lx2vH2Q5yo[/youtube]

(Warning: modest use of keytar in clip.)

The fact is - relationships aren't a competition, no matter what Shot of Love et all might tell you. The prize (a boyfriend) isn't awarded to the hottest guy, or the richest guy, or whatever. It goes to the guy he clicks best with. The one he feels right about. If you had set up any hot celebrity or model of your choosing against my partner back when we first met, I'm confident I still would've ended up with my partner. Not because my partner is hotter - he probably ain't. But because we click on so many levels, we feel really comfortable around each other, and we love each other's company.

Lex

 

Normally I would agree with you but no. You're telling me the hot guy in school isn't "rewarded" a BF/GF because he's hot? You're telling me the rich kid on campus doesn't get rewarded a BF/GF? Whether we would like to admit it or not, your status does go into the "Relationship Equation"

Celebritys and models DO have an easier time finding people. It's because that's who they are. They are famous, or rich, or hot, and that's why they get relationships.

Let's say this homeless man was your perfect match. He's not rich or hot or famous, he's just homeless, but you "clicked" You're going to tell me that you would pursue that relationship? Maybe you would, but wouldn't you think of the fact he's homeless?

Whether you admit it on these forums or to yourself I don't really care. The fact is your status may not have EVERYTHING to do with relationships, but it's there. Anyone who says "LOL NO I WOULD DATE HIM LOL IM A LOVING PERSON" should really ask themselves the same question again.

 

I've experienced it. There are often times where I'm like "why can't I be him with his boyfriend?" And then there's the times where the guy you've gone on a date with, then has a boyfriend, and it's like...oh so maybe it was just me.

 

>>>Normally I would agree with you but no. You're telling me the hot guy in school isn't "rewarded" a BF/GF because he's hot? You're telling me the rich kid on campus doesn't get rewarded a BF/GF?

Well, let me put it this way. My freshman roommate in college was both rather attractive and quite weatlhy. As such, he had a date nearly every weekend. But here's the thing - he had a FIRST date nearly every weekend. He hardly ever got a second date. Why? Because he was kinda annoying. A horrible conversationalist, not that bright, and kinda full on himself. So he'd get dates with girls who only knew him as that kinda hot guy with the nice car. But sometime over dinner, they'd decide "Yeah, no thanks."

Being hot or a celebrity definitely gets you more opporunities. They'll have more dates, and probably have more boyfriends in the short term. But after the glitter fades, you're no longer just dating John the Famous Actor or John the Gorgeous Face. You're stuck with John the Human Being. And if he doesn't have a personality behind the face, if the doesn't have a sense of humor or a caring heart or an intelligent mind or whatever, then you're gonna lose interest pretty quickly.

As for the homeless guy, that's a bit extreme, simply because I don't come into contact with homeless people all that often. Not in a social setting, anyway, which would prevent me from seeing if I really click with him. If I did click with him, would I make a move? I guess I'd have to reassure myself that he wasn't homeless due to self-destructive behavior. If I could convince myself that he was homeless due to a very unfortunate series of events, and that he was a good person working on improving his lot, then yeah, I think I'd be willing to try it.

But back to the matter at hand. I wasn't saying that hot guys don't get noticed more than average guys - they do. My point was that it's useless to do a "what's he got that I ain't got" game. I have a gay couple as neighbors. One of them is really attractive, and the other is (I hope he wouldn't mind me saying so) plain and dumpy. One of my (very few) catty friends met them, and wondered to me "What's the hottie doing with that loser?" Or, to put it another way, "What's he got that I ain't got?" And I told him the truth - he's got a sharp mind, a friendly way, a kind heart, and a geniune desire to do good. And whoever the hottie might have dated in the past, THIS was the guy he clicked with. And they've been happily together for fifteen years or so now.

Lex

 

I think its quite common for teens to have low self-esteem especially if you are gay and have heard all the societal oppression against people like yourself. So to feel like you are not quite good enough for anybody is understandable. You need to work on your own self-esteem in order to be attractive to others. Don't become the egotistical jerk like Lex talked about who only had first dates but learn how to be friendly and have some confidence in yourself. There IS somebody for everybody out there. This one may not be right for you but somebody else is.

 

If you could make a chart of how long a beautiful person's relationships last compared to "common-folk's" relationships it would show you they often lose out in the end.

One of the big reasons for this is if you base a relationship off looks you have nothing else to go on. If your scoring dates/sex on account of your looks you might have to go through a lot of people before any of them click with you on a deeper level.

If you dont have the looks to go on so much, then you have to go off your personality, your passions, your abilities and other things that make relationships stick. Im sure if your having a nice dinner and conversation with a guy while your totally hot friend is getting some ass, you will win an impromptu game of Newlyweds.

BUT - if we are talking high school, and even some college, years then things are different. Often people only stay together for the sake of having a relationship. Its so meaningless and stupid, but if people think they are more popular when in a relationship they will stick it out to remain popular. Its why you hear of the captain of the football team hooking up with the head cheerleader. The hot people just pair up, even if they dont want to, because they think its a rule or something. Relationships in high school are NOT that important, so dont fret over them so much. Enjoy your blissful years while you can.

 

Greggers and Lex make good points. I'll give credit where credit is due.

Sorry Beckyg, you'll forgive me if I don't follow the whole "everyone has someone" shit. I prefer facts and truth rather than little metaphors and sayings. I don't follow it blindly like some people do. Some people don't have anyone. That's the hard truth people don't choose to believe. Sometimes there is simply no one for you.

 

Lexington, now I'm envious of you (and I love your gargoyle, btw). It's been a while since I came out, and usually I feel rather comfortable around guys. My two weak points: I'm severely overweight which most guys (me included) find unatractive... so I was kinda forced into the bear scene just to get the chasers (don't ask). Anyway, being anywhere but the bear's club I always walk up to a guy with a handicap, and I know that... so it's scary.

the other side of it is that I consider myself to be smart, funny, a bit over-analytic, sensitive and sometimes a bit bad tempered. I have interests in wide range of things but there are few things that inspire my passion (this is starting to look like a personal ad). And I have yet to find someone I click with.

So I'm jealous of guys that get the guys I like (they are usually hot) and of couples that click and that connect on many levels.

So far I've only been able to connect on one or two things with any particular partner and even then it was a stretch... anyway... this is an on-going issue just felt like writing it.

 

yeah me too!

Once a cute couple came up to me at one of my jobs and asked if I had a problem because I kept staring at them. I told them I was jellious.

 

Oh, gosh yes. Even though I have a BF, I still get nervous around other gay/bi guys because I don't want them to judge me w/o knowing me. There were pretty much no gay people in my hometown, but here at school I seem to attract are really skanky/slutty arrogant jerks. Wtf?! I like nice, clean (as in no drugs/non-hardcore party boy) boys. But I get nervous around them because I am shy too. I have no idea how I got a bf XD but I relate to what you're saying.