*Note: This is a long post coming up though there's a short summarized version at the very end. Thanks for reading either one, even more so if you reply too.* Ok I've grown pretty tired of hiding the fact that I'm bi from everyone I know and though I'm ready to finally let it out, I'm also scared of the reactions. I finally got up the courage to tell one girl at school that I met last year, I'm a Junior in high school now, and she took it pretty well. I actually had lied to her the day before when she asked me and it was bugging me the entire next day so I finally sent her a text and told her. Hiding my sexuality is becoming more and more of a sorta burden since recently, like back in June, my mom that I completely don't get along with stole my phone, went through it, and went through it. Needless to say, it was proof that I'm bi. I however had the phone disconnected so she can't show anyone though I have the phone back now and I've been denying all claims of my sexuality (since she's known to lie and I'm not, my word has won). My grandmother that I live with has grown suspicious with passing time and just about every time a hot guy passes by while we're in her car she glances over at me to see if I look at them so I've learned to just keep my eyesight focused elsewhere. That on top of just mental stress have driven me to want to let it out. I really don't have anyone at all to support me with it besides the girl that already knows. Despite my grandma being pretty much my best friend, she wouldn't understand. Better put, calling her a religious Christian is a complete and total understatement. There are others that I want to tell at school but I can't bring myself to say it. My family would be the last to find out since I know when they do, I'm in for a hard ride for the next few months. I know of a few people I think I could tell at school but I'm not sure. One is my history teacher from last year but I'm a very quiet person and I'm sure if I just knocked on his class door and asked to talk he'd freak out. He might already know since he's caught me staring at him in class a few times and smiled once but I don't think it'd warrant his understanding/acceptance of it. I have a strange feeling he could be as well, but since I rarely talk to anyone it'd be hard to make any assumptions. *Shortened Version* I'm just having a constant headache with only one person knowing I'm bi and with suspicion in my family raised due to prior events, I want to just finally come clean about it. I don't talk to anyone from my family besides my grandmother so she's the first person that would find out when I decide to finally tell someone outside of school, but she'd also be the hardest to deal with since I live with her and she's a very religious Christian. Thank you for any advice on this
Do you know for a fact that your grandmother is strictly against homosexuality? or simply that she is very religious? Do not be mistaken, they are very different things. There are plenty of extremely religious people that will tell you there is nothing wrong with being gay and it is normal (which are both true of course). Also it may be wise to notice that although you deny it, your mother does know, at least from what you have written here. I'm not saying you should be any more open with her then you are, that's totally your decision and when you're ready to be open with her you will know, I'm just.... well in retrospect I'm just stating the obvious. As for telling any others, only you can decide when to do this. When it feels right, you tell people. It might be incredibly difficult and it may seem pointless at times, but I can promise that with each person you share this with you will feel better. Not to rush it because as I've said only you'll know when and blahdy blah blah. EDIT: WELCOME TO EC!!! I'm Ryan, send me a wall message if you need someone to just talk to or whatever and that's a hat in my avatar not a pot.
She's definitely against homosexuality. I have a friend that lives in another state and his mom is lesbian and lives with her girlfriend she's been dating for years. The relationship has recently gotten rocky and the minute my grandma found out about it the first words out of her mouth were "I hope they break up and never get back together then focus on fixing their 'problem' they have." I deny it to other family members if I happen to run across them asking me but I know my mom knows. The things in my phone were beyond enough proof. My grandma also has a sorta bad habit of constantly bringing up what happened since my mom told everyone I like guys and I'm either bi/gay and when talking about it will say something along the lines of "Did you know she's also going around saying he's a punk? I know my grandson isn't a punk." *they refer to anyone that isn't straight as a punk and though I find it offensive I've just had to keep quiet* I know she's suspicious of it but with me being as quiet as I am it's pretty hard to assume anything.
(*hug*) we are here. it is great that you`ve decided to join this site because as with your situation, my entire family, both sides, have been established evangelical Christian sometimes for three or four generations... and I cannot ... like CANNOT tell my family ANYTHING about my not-straightness until I move out, two years later. and I knew I would have such urgent urges to tell my parents in a lengthy two years time, so I hope you can talk to us everytime because I know these are the people I will be talking to for support, advice, so on and so forth. Please, do as you must, but you always have us. GROUP HUG ! (&&&)
I don't really deal with my father's side of my family since he's never been around but I know for sure they'd be against it since they've bluntly said it more than once. My father's mother is also just as religious as my mother's and constantly annoys me about wearing my hair long. I had joined another site before this one but when I posted no one bothered to respond so I gave up on online help from then, around June, up until now. Thanks for the support!
Sorry for double posting since I couldn't edit my last post, but does anyone know an easy way of coming out? I want to finally tell my grandma even knowing how she's probably going to react to it but I just don't know how to. I tried just flat out saying it earlier but I choked and ended up just crying instead =/ Also does anyone think they could help with any thoughts/advice on why I trust that teacher? I'm normally not the type to really trust anyone, not even the people I hang around. For some strange reason though I just feel like I can trust him and then again I'm also hesitant to due to things I've been through before. =/
If you feel you can't tell your grandma face to face, you can write her a letter. As for the teacher thing, you probably feel that you can trust him because you said you suspect he is too, so he'll be more accepting of it.
If he isn't though and ends up not accepting of it though I feel like I'd probably be in a worse condition than now. I would try writing a letter but my grandma normally can't read anything small and asks me to do it for her plus she can't read cursive at all. I never learned how to print so that'd be sort of a problem. If all else fails I'll try it, but any other suggestions to go with it?
Well you'll never really now unless you try. If you want, try and somehow bring up an LGBT topic around him and watch his reaction. It could be a giveaway. As for the letter... You can only right cursive? O-o Well, I think you should read some of the coming out letters posting here on this site, they can point you in the right direction.
I'll try to think of a way to start up a topic with him somehow. With me being quiet it'd be awkward even trying to talk to him so I might as well go for it then. Yeah I can only write in cursive. From Kinder' my teachers tried getting me to learn how to print when I first started writing but I sorta picked up cursive a lot quicker and easier. The most printing I can do before I unconsciously switch to cursive is my name. Thanks for suggesting the letters on here. I hope I can think of a way to turn it into a converstation and then just tell her.
A few people have mentioned they have written letters to get all their ideas down and phrasing correct, and then they would simply read the letter directly to the other person or sit there while the other person is reading it. Perhaps you can do that with your grandma. I kinda see how with all the suspicions going on, hiding it must be very difficult. Good luck!
cursive problem - as said above, read, -- or -- type it up and print it off (with large font) teacher problem - you can tell a cousellor; they are supposed to keep everything secret and I don't think you'll be in a worse situation per se, but it's your choice.
Typing it wouldn't work because I don't have a computer I think the counselor might work a little more than the teacher just due to how awkward both the teacher and I would feel with me even asking to talk to him. Eh I was just talking with an online friend and even she didn't quite understand by what I meant by hardly ever talking and how I'd feel awkward (she knows that I'm bi since I have no problem telling someone I only know online) so in case that's the same here, I'll describe the same thing I did with her. Two years ago during my freshmen year of high school our class was taking our math final. We had a sub that day and since I've sorta always been good at math I was the first person done and the sub didn't tell us where to turn in everything at so I asked *I've also known him completely throughout middle school*. When I did he just stared at me blankly for a bit and then pointed. No less than a minute after I returned to my seat he jumped up from his chair, got everyone's attention, and said, "Everyone, I have an announcement to make. That is the first time in the 4 years I've known that kid that I've ever heard him speak a single word. I've had him in one of my classes during middle school and even then I couldn't get him to open his mouth during the whole year. I started to think he might be a mute." ^ I don't know if that'd help with describing the feeling of awkwardness but it was worth a shot.
well, starting to talk to people online is a good start. If you want can you print it at school? the people in guidance do pretty good counseilling, tell them what bothers you, like, the fact that you want people to know about the fact that you are bisexual and you want to tell them yourself, ...
I'm not even sure where the computer room is at my school. I tend to try to stay away from most people since I still haven't completely gotten over everything I've been through and I'm just finally getting over my "F*** everyone in the world" stage. I'll try finding it tomorrow though. Though my big fear isn't actually just telling her, it's just telling her. I know that doesn't make sense but I'm more scared of her reaction and how she's going to treat me after knowing more than finding the voice to say it. I know I could easily just blurt it out right now (and sorta almost did when she started getting on my nerves earlier) but the aftermath of it scares me. I know for sure she isn't going to accept it and she's going to tell everyone she can possibly tell about it and I might end up snapping during the constant stuff she's gonna go saying to me. I'll try the counselor sometime after school starts tomorrow though I'll know it'll be a while before I can get ahold of her. Schedules can finally be switched starting tomorrow so every counselor at school is gonna be flooded pretty much all week.
"Hiding my sexuality is becoming more and more of a sorta burden since recently" DUDE. I've been feeling the same way. I'm getting where I just want to blurt it out, but end up not doing it. "That on top of just mental stress have driven me to want to let it out." Lord this is aweful. The mental stress is enough to kill a person. "There are plenty of extremely religious people that will tell you there is nothing wrong with being gay and it is normal (which are both true of course)." I have yet to really find one.. Me either. My whoel family are christians. great aunts, aunts etc. LOL.
