*Note: Once again, long post coming up, shortened version is at the very end* Ok I've been talking to a few friends, one that's also a member here, and I've sorta decided it's time for me to finally try letting go of my past for once. For years due to things I went through during early childhood, I've in a sense been traumatized due to my mom to where I don't trust anyone and in turn haven't ever made any friends from always keeping quietly to myself. Anyone have any ideas on how I could try finally talking for once? I know for a while it's going to be awkward since at school whenever people hear my voice they sorta freak out like, "WTF!? He can SPEAK?" as if I'm some sorta animal...I've tried talking a few times before but I don't think I could ever completely get rid of my quiet nature, just try to open up a bit more to people instead of holding everyone at about a mile's distance away. A few people, including the friend here, have said sports could help since it usually has a variety of people and one of my other friends online has seen how competitive I am from playing an online game with me (Flyff for anyone out there who's heard about it/is curious). The only downside there is also due to what I've gone through, I've grown to hate any form of authority/being told what to do. I would try swimming since if you've happened to have read my other thread, the teacher mentioned in it is also the swim coach. Another thing that scares me though is just actually trying to trust someone again. I've tried a few times in the past and well it obviously ended badly. I also just have a gut feeling that my sexuality could be revealed ahead of time since this extremely hot guy I've had a crush on since the day I saw/met him is also on the swim team...I know if swimming wouldn't work out I could go for track/baseball since last semest I won a competition for the fastest runner in my PE period and for swimming I'd be average I guess since I have slightly embarrassing webbed hands but the actual sport is besides the point, I just finally want to be able to know people that I'm close with and can hang around without always being as quiet as I am. Shortened Version Due to prior things in my life I've grown to not trust anyone and now I'm getting lonely in my own little world and I want to try opening up for once. A few people have suggested sports so I guess that could be the most helpful even if hard at first, but any other suggestions would be helpful and welcomed. Also just a heads-up but my school doesn't have a GSA in any form whatsoever so that's out of the question.
Just a slight sidenote, but somebody has to start every GSA Once you open up, you could always consider starting a GSA for your school as a sort of lasting legacy for anyone who may be in your shoes down the road. But that's something you probably don't care about until you can open up, come out, and start trusting people again.
Well I know for sure if I don't come out this year, I'm going to for sure during Senior year which is next year. Only one year would be left to go so I'd have nothing to lose and possibly everything to gain.
I also agree that doing some sport would be a good step. Especially ones like swimming or track that are more individual in nature and focus, even though of course you are still on a team, communicating with and rooting on your teammates. Baseball and more team-play sports might be a bit more difficult for you at this point. Also, if there is a teacher you respect who is also the sport coach, that sounds like a great match. Give it a shot! Other than a sport, obviously other ways to get yourself to lower your guard a bit is to join a school club. Again, you'll meet some people and be forced into situations that require you to communicate and work as a group, rather than schoolwork which can often be totally solo. I admire your attitude to make these changes and I wish you well.
It's good your trying to change many people don't and sport is a very positive way to do this you could also just generally begin talking and interacting with more people and eventually trust will follow good luck anyway xxx (*hug*)
Thanks for the support from everyone. I tried talking a bit today but stopped after one of my friends said something that I didn't quite hear but I caught the word "gay" and from the tone of his voice I could tell is was something putting them down. I sorta snapped back and asked, "So just what's so wrong about being gay?" his reponse, "Everything." Seems like I might need to find a new group of friends too along with the sport For swimming I'll go for it but I have a feeling it's either already started or starting really soon. I'm nowhere near out of shape or anything so I know I might still have a chance but I haven't been swimming in like 3 years so I don't know if I'd still be fast enough to make the team and I don't have a pool anywhere nearby to practice for about a week if it hasn't started. I noticed today that my 6th period teacher has a picture of the entire swimming team on his board so if he's also a coach that might be helpful. Seems like it'd be better too since I'm guessing practice is almost always done in the pool and I wouldn't mind being in a pool to practice a sport as opposed to out running on a track. Also, does anyone here know if swimming would break down into different groups like track does? Sorta like how track has the mile, 100 yard run, hurdles, etc.
First of all here is a hug (*hug*). I was (am) in a smilar situation. Dad always told me how useless I was and Mom always tried manipulating me into not growing up. (It's a long story and this thread is about you, not me.) I don't want to discourage you, but I've found you never completly let go of your past pain, but you can manage to keep it in check. (!) My advice: start small just try sparking up conversation with people.
Well update on everything so far. Went to the another teacher's room that I thought was a swim coach. Turns out he used to be one but stopped a few years ago so now I have no choice but to go to the teacher I mentioned before, ironic how he's the only teacher I trust yet I've been trying to avoid having to talk to him till I go to tryouts lol. The former swim coach said I'd probably be a pretty good sprint-swimmer or whatever that means since I'm a sprinter when it comes to track due to "fast twitch muscles" or something like that. I honestly couldn't focus entirely on the conversation because for some odd reason I couldn't stop smiling after I finally talked. We ended up bumping into the track coach while talking and heading to the building's exit and he was really excited to meet me since he'd heard about me winning the PE Olympics for the 100 yard dash last year but the only info any teacher or student there could tell him about me was along the lines of "He's quiet and never talks. I don't think he'd ever even consider joining joining a team." So it seems like so far I have near a positive opening for track and possibly swimming. Idk why I really want swimming more though, probably because I love water plus I'd maybe make friends with the hot guy on the swim team, but it's at least something to motivate me more A few more questions still though. Could I get everyone's opinion on whether it'd be a better idea to come out before or after joining a team if I do decide to come out this year? Does anyone know a good way I could get over my sorta feeling of embarrassment/fear of wearing speedos in front of everyone if I do qualify for the swim team? I'm not embarrassed about my body much at all, well not for any negative reasons anyway. More so embarrassed because I've been told by quite a few people I have a really nice body and most people swear I work out sometime though I've never touched a weight in my life. The part that embarrasses me most is that since 9th grade up until now, I've somehow strangely put on quite a bit of muscle and now people swear I either work out or that since the veins in my arms stand out hugely that I'm on steroids. Only about 2 out of hundreds of people have actually believed me when I tell them it's completely natural. I've sorta always had big calves and a 6 pack but lately my arms and my chest are getting pretty muscular =/ Anyone know any possible reason for the sudden gaining of muscle mass? I can deal with people thinking I work out but the steroids thing bugs the hell out of me and it's been going around for a few years off and on due to my veins. Also, thanks so much EC! You guys have truly helped me out a lot even with the short time I've been here. If it wasn't for everyone here I'd probably still hate everyone and hold onto everything that's happened but now I feel like, with quite a bit of hard work, I could possibly finally become open with people. (&&&)
