I have this friend, who is also my classmate who I am really starting to like. Infatuation or not, but I think I am falling for him! I am secretly wishing that he's reading this. but oh well, wishful thinking. I'm not out to him and i don't even know if he's gay... I go out of my way to drive / drop him off where he needs to be, he'd sit next to me, text each other nice quotes and stuff like that. We may just be really friendly to each other, i mean, to make friends you gotta be one right? The thing is, he's such a great guy, we have so much in common. though we get all clammy and shy when we do get to talk, or when it's just the 2 of us, quite obviously. In a group we are so much more loose and talkative. I like him as a friend, but It drives me crazy because of the 'not knowing' bit. He may be like me, also guessing if I was gay (again, wishful thinking). I don't want to read too much into things. I don't want this guessing game again. And I certainly am not brave enough at the moment to make a move or come out. In my mind, I think I've been hinting a lot. Just the fact that i wait for him to get out of class so I can drive him, or my mixed CD present I gave him (which he loved btw) for his birthday i think is pretty conclusive that i like him. He's older than me btw so.. I really dunno what to do.. I keep on fantasizing about him doing some random romantic thing all of a sudden. I'm that kind of person. hopeless romantic! I need your input about this you guys. Sometimes i just think i should distance myself just so i can get over my crush on him- thinking that im just setting myself up for disappointment again making me feel lonelier than ever. what to do?
Just distancing yourself because of possibly getting disappointed seems like a drastic solution. It's picking certain failure over an uncertain chance of success. Unfortunately there's only one way to get rid of the guessing game, and that is to get things out into the open. Coming out to him and see how he responds could be a first step to stop guessing. It would be a big step, and one you might not feel up to, but seriously think about it! Someday you have to take the plunge, and if you think he might react well (regardless of whether he's gay himself or not), it would get a lot of vagueness out of the way. Even if he doesn't return your feelings, it could only improve the friendship! The problem with hinting is that all too often, what one party sees as hugely obvious hints, is really too subtle to anyone else. All of the things you do might seem like symbolic gestures, while he might just think of you as a kind and friendly guy... By hinting and over-interpreting any response from him, you're only playing mind-games with yourself, I fear.
I remember how painful these guessing games were, and sometimes it seems so conclusive because of the nature of your friendship that he must like you the same way in which you like him... in my case no matter how sure I was, the guy was actually straight. I hope this isn't the case for you, and the mixed CD and way you're acting around him should be a sign that you're into him... but some straight guys miss these signals. As Filip said the only real way of knowing is asking him, but I would only do that if you're sure you want to take that risk. I wouldn't distance myself, I've lost some good friends because of doing that.
Hmm, Sound waaaaay too familiar. but honey, u got to keep it together. No matter what, just don't be the first to snap! I can't tell you what to do, but I can share with you what I did when I was in your shoe...JUST a couple of weeks ago. So 3 weeks ago I started school. I matriculated to do my BsC in college and in my new class, we had allot of transfer/international students in that program, for the first time. I was really intimidated by my new classmates and I even wrote on my Facebook page (under whats on your mind) "Is sooooo intimidated by his hot new classmates! D: " About a week later, one of the guys on my "hot list" asked me to add him to facebook. Apparently he had been trying to add me all week but my profile happens to be really really...really private. So private to the point, I can't find me. lol So I told him, I would add him. By the time I got home, he was online waiting for me. he also commented on my status about who the hot persons in the class were! I told him I was not going to tell him, and i refused to. By the end of the weekend, he had sourced my phone number through the school archives and added me to BlackBerry messenger. He said to me "I hope I am on that list", and I gave in, I told him. Then u know what? He came right out and said he liked me. But even then I kept my composure. Why? I live in Jamaica dude! Wanna see me die! I told my cousin (who is like a best friend to me) immediately. And she thought it ws exactly what I thought-too good to be true. So I tried flirting with him....passively. Meaning, I didn't do it sexually, I just kinda came closer to him in class-especially since he said he loved my fragrance 'Fantasy by Britney Spears'- and helped him out allot with his work since I saw him struggling in global economics class. It kinda worked. And tonight we are going on our first date. There are sane ways to finding out the info you want. And the best part is, nether of us have used the "G-Word" to each other...ever. xD :lol: weird huh? Just try doing things, passively and ....if u can...do something like ...write a love letter! and if he gets it and likes it...then. GO FIGURE! If he is dismayed by it? Then simply say it was not for his eyes but for someone else-and point to the most bizarre girl in class. That way, he will fail to investigate it. Good Luck mate! Have fun, and hope my story helped. ^_^
Ahhhhh. I think developing feelings for someone over time is much more romantic then just someone you have a crush on. You start to notice all the little things you didn't see before.
Thanks guys! Oh my, I love EC. as you may have seen, I'm a noob round here so, thank you all for the responses. Made me smile @Filip : Thanks filip. Indeed it's hard and the mind games with myself bit is really the most unappealing part. I think I've been through this before and I suppose this is what closeted gay guys have to face on a regular basis. I'll try to take the plunge or just be bolder. I do hope he asks me about girlfriends or whatever! That'd be perfect. @Davo : well, im all too familiar with this whole situation myself. But I never learn. I always end up doing this! asking for advice on what to do. I do hope he is into me (the way I'd like him to be) but being only good friends is also appealing to me. If he's not gay, I look forward to the time i just come out to him and him accepting me. and it just all turns platonic. Distancing is effective tho, and it can save one from all the pain. But you are correct, it will leave me living my life with 'what ifs' @alex : that is a good story! I am so happy for you... indeed that is the kind of scenario I want myself to be in, like you said, its sooo good it's hard to believe. But I suppose life has dealt you good cards this time and I really hope it goes well for you @ malachite : I was attracted to him physically the first time I saw him. But that happens all too often. Then we just kind of became friends all of a sudden. As I know him more, and discover more things about him the more i find him cute! You are corrent
Oh don't worry, wishful thinking never ever ends in pain and disapointment. Oh wait... I wish you the best of luck man, I really do, but I wouldn't get my hopes up cause you might end up disapointed. No matter what signals you get chances are he's straight. I remember I used to get "signals" all the time from a former crush. Needless to say it didn't well. I really hope you get what you want. But lol it probably won't happen. But it sounds like no matter what happens you'll be ok. Kudos to you man, You're more prepared then I was.
It's true life almost never lives up to the fantasy, but if it did then what would be the use of having a fantasy in the first place.
I quote you guys for truth. Um, yeah, I do have a feeling it won't end how i want it to be. but oh well, we can still fantasize... Oh fuck how i wish he was on this site too! reading this thread!
Why don't you ask HIM about girlfriends? He might come out to you! (maybe wishful thinking), or at least ask you the same question back. Then it could be easier to come out to him. Your post sounded sooooo much like me 2 years ago, when i had the most massive crush on my best friend. It was driving me crazy not knowing if he was gay or not, and he was definitely giving me signs, like touching me and smiling at me a lot, so, of course, i fantisized that he was gay like me. I gave him many hints, etc, to which he didnt really respond. I only came out to him recently. He didnt have a clue that i was gay, and that really surprized me. I was kinda flirting with him last night, even though i know hes straight, but hes just so goddamn cute. and he was playing along with it, lol. (hes awesome.) And i still love him. So i'd reccommend that you dont distance yourself from him, but stay friendly with him and show him that you like him. At the very least, you can make a really good friend. So long as hes still giving you positive feedback.
I did invite him to go out with me and my friends (different crowd) today. I sent him a text but he didn't respond anymore Well, I was trying to be closer i suppose, and i thought it was an effort to actually make a friend. But oh well, life goes on ** Oh! I have a question I know you guys know what to do / experienced this. But i see this guy in uni walking around and sometimes we sit across each other during lunch. But we keep on eyeing each other. I do make it an intention to make eye contact and try to linger longer but being the closet case that I am, for safety reasons I look away first. I'm trying to find a way to spark a conversation between us. But is it ok, in your opinion, to randomly say hi? me being a stranger and all... Any tips?? I do sound like I'm realllyyy looking for a guy now, Well, because i really want to end this aloneness. I want to get out there more. I've never had a boyfriend, gone through highschool and college being alone. And I think I've missed out on a lot just because of this.
Looks like he will make it easy for you to start and carry out a convo since you`ve been eyeing eachother already... though I don`t know what exactly to say, ... ... maybe even let him start, go sit beside him and let him guide the convo, if there is still silence say something at the moment kind of thing it can`t really go wrong ... *knockonwood* hope our loneliness fades away soon
ofcourse it's fine to start a conversation with him. Try going simple: see what shirt he is wearing, like if it's a shirt of a band you like (or even know) go with it. I don't think there is any harm in just talking to the guy.
in one of my classes, There's this dude which I'm gonna name Gabe. We've been eyeing and stuff. I like him! Anyway, one time, we were crammed in a small room, and he was behind me i felt his hand touching my ass and i didn't move and he didn't too! this went for a while- i loved it. And when we sit beside each other, lots of contact. legs/knees touching, his elbows resting brushing and resting on my thigh, anyway, we been touchy. And we don't move a muscle. It feels good. I introduced myself to him one time we were at some food place. It was a coincidence he was there so I started a convo along the lines of "you're in my class right?" and so we exchanged the basics, our courses etc. So in that sense i initiated. I even added him up on facebook (i searched for him) and i found out we had a lot of friends in common. And that's the reason I try to make myself believe how i found him on there, but truth is, i really searched for him. ha ha ha. well, he accepted my invite. We haven't really talked much, as we both seem shy, not so talkative people. but he's been sitting beside me, body contact again. He even moved beside me last time because he said the A/C was making him chilly. He started convo about our mutual friends etc. I've been trying to do the 'little things' that i don't usually do to new acquaintances.. I text him trying to initiate some sort of contact.. last time I asked about something we need for class and if its ready for pick up. i threw in a bit of flirting in there like "hey, maybe you could pay for it too " of course i told him i was kidding. and he just laughed it off It was a bit expensive so we kind of joked around about it. he got his stuff because he already paid for it, but I haven't yet and I was stuck in class. I got to class today and he still wasn't there. So i texted him the announcements the prof. gave us. Then he walked in and I called him So he sat beside me. Usual body contact, but i was a bit cautious this time because one of my friends was beside me and I'm not out and she's a bit of a gossip queen. but nonetheless, it was good. Told him i wasn't able to get my stuff, and sweetly he told me "I should've got it for you then". I even reserved a piece of paper for him because we had to hand in some notes about the presentations at the end of the class. So while he was scrambling to find a piece of paper to write on, I handed it to him It seems like when we get dismissed we wait for each other to walk out the door and we walk together. We don't really talk much, and there's this air of shyness everytime. but it's nice just walking with him. Anyway, long story short, I'm getting good vibes from this guy. But then again, i dont know if he's gay. I'm just trying to do all the things that could possibly "hint" of my liking. I knowwww again it's hinting but hell, if this doesnt work i have to take the next step. I was thinking maybe write him a note when term ends.. because if things turn sour (him not being gay), i didn't want us to be in the same class to spare us from awkwardness. I think im inviting him over to my college's building and tell him if he ever drops by let me know and I could treat him lunch or something. This is all so new to me, I know i may sound like a high school gay boy, but really, thats what i feel like. I'm so clueless.
thats so beautiful i awww'd so much i say ask him hed like to go out sometime to do somthing....but be kinda bashful saying the usual stuff like only if you want too...blushing allways helps that haha... if hes very touchy and careing... teh bit where he should of got your things was really nice i say keep pushing it
