Anyway I always seem to be rejected by guys. On gay sites where I have my profile. I dont have a clear pic of me but I usually get winks or messages each day. If I reply to them its extremely rare to get a response. Anyway I have messaged many guys on it and I rarely get a response. Even if I get a response, it is usually they are not interested. However it is rare to get a positive response where someone wants to meet me. Its so hard to find guys. Anyway I feeling on giving up on men. I have very few gay friends. In additon it is so common for guys to state to me they are interested in seeing me but then change their minds. Anyway in the gay world looks seem to be really important and I just feel depressed and ugly and not good for anyone out there.
How ugly are you? Sorry if that's harsh, but there are ugly people so not everyone can be good looking. Is it weight, health, or just genetics? Or... you came across stalkerish on the picture. I cannot tell you if you're good looking or not without a picture, but still don't let that get you down. On the Internet, looks is probably the only thing you can judge from one another, since you cannot connect on a personal level. So if guys don't like the way you look they would ignore you, and it's a fact of life. Guys, gay or straight, like someone that is physically attractive... but someone likes your look somewhere....
well ugly enough. Anyway I could end my life this year as life sucks. Looks mean everythink in this world and if u dont have it and always rejected and I am as sensitive as I may as well be better off dead.
Hi there! I wouldn't put too much emphasis on gay dating sites. Maybe try going to a support group meeting in your town where you live or a near by community. Try to meet new people. Try to connect more with your gay friends, spend more time with them. Maybe that will also help you to get to know others as well. Sometimes it works out with gay dating sites, but sometimes it doesn't. But don't be discouraged to give up on dating. There is going to be someone out there who will like you and want to be with you. Dating/or being in a relationship for that matter, is much more than just about looks. It's about how well you relate to the other person, it's about what makes you 'happy' when you are with the other guy, it's about what makes you interested in him and vice versa. You know, I think looks are overrated! I'm sure you are not ugly, no one is! We all look different and come in different shapes and sizes. That's just the way it is. Find something that you like about yourself and remind yourself about that everyday, either by saying it out loud to yourself or just thinking about it. In time you will start feeling differently about yourself. This will help you to start building up some self-esteem and self-worth. Always remember there is a whole lot more to you, which defines you and makes you, you. If someone is really interested in you, and wants to get to know, that guy will want to meet you. Should you worry about the guys who said that they are interested to meet you but haven't shown up or changed their mind? Nope, because they are not going to be the ones who are really going to be interested in finding out who you are, what makes you tick, and what makes you as a person! I hope this helps a bit!
No!! Don't say that =( I think that's one of the major pitfalls of the interwebs. Meeting a guy offline you can take in his physical appearance and personality at the same time. I think that makes a big difference. You said your picture is fuzzy and not clear, and I don't know what kind of site this is but maybe it's full of shallow guys who will write you off if you don't have cockshots displayed. lol. I don't know. Men in general (from an evolutionary standpoint anyways) value looks, but I feel like gay men take it to a whole other level - mix that with a site where the % of men are shallow + a fuzzy pic and it's no wonder there's not a lot of responses =( Plus, there ARE men out there who don't place a huge emphasis on looks (yous truly included!) you probably won't find them on online dating sites. Anyways, I don't know you but don't give up. At least you have some gay friends . Is the gay scene in your area sucky? Idk if my ramblings helped at all.
Well, first of all try not to lose all hope! You've had bad experiences, yes, but somewhere out there is definitely someone who will is into you. You just haven't found them yet. Unfortunately, while you I could say "true beauty lies inside", it is a fact of life that humans are very visually oriënted people. Gays have a reputation fror being shallow in that regard, but I really don't think that they're worse than straights in that regard. You say the picture you show onlune is vague. I'm thinking that it would help if you put up a somewhat clearer picture. People might come for the mystery, but a mystery is only appealing so far... Also, if you're not getting any response on some sites, try searching elsewhere. There are other sites that you may have not tried, with men on it that you may not have reached otherwise. And then there is of course the option of going out more and meeting real people. That could be better than the internet. People can get a better impression by watching real people than by reading a profile. Maybe you could ask your few gay friends where they go out and where they met their boyfriends, if any?
....didn't realize you posted a reply..... Just to reiterate. Looks do not mean everything in this world. Being attracted to someone goes beyond looks. Think about this way...you are with a blue eyed, brown hair guy, who just looks like the greatest catch of your life at the coffee shop. You start talking but you start realizing that "hey this guy doesn't have all the light bulbs on the chandelier." Would you still want to date this guy and be with him? I'm guessing, probably not. What I'm trying to get at is that yeah looks can attract but so can a host of other things, which in the short and long run are a lot more important. How well do you connect on a personal level, how well can you talk with him, or have a conversation with him. Start building up self-esteem, and self-worth, which will help you to start liking yourself. Pursue the things you like. Spend time with your friends. If you feel that you are suicidal or feel that you want to end your life, please seek help. Try to talk to a therapist about the depression that you are experiencing and your thoughts about ending your life. Talk with your friends, and with someone that you trust about the way you feel. You are not ugly. You will find someone, who really will want to get to know you, for you.
Rejection sucks. Dating sites sucks. I've met some good people in them, and a few partners as well... but in the end... they suck. They make you talk to people for all the wrong reasons. I've often felt rejected, and my theme song when I go out is 'How soon is now', especially the part that goes 'There's a club if you'd like to go, you could meet somebody that really loves you. And you go and you stand on your own, and you leave on your own, and you go home and you cry and you want to die'. This is how I felt most of the times I went out with the idea of 'getting some'. I am overwith, about 30Kg more than my 'ideal weight'. And I'm not a pretty sight (I have a few things working for me, like being tall, having green eyes, and being a redhead) but I usually feel like crap and like I'm the ugliest guy alive. Other times I know it is not so. I've always thought that people didn't like me because I was fat... just three days ago I met a guy that actually likes me because I am fat... and destroyed my paradigms ^_^ I don't think I'll do anything with this particular guy, as he has girlfriend with whom he hasn't cleared up thigs yet, and is infatuated with a guy that lives about 70Km away... so he has some issues... but It made me feel damn good ^_^ so, the morale of the story is that there is always someone that will like you... hth
well I do have a clearer pic and rarely get any positive responses. I only get positive responses from a few female friends on my pics. To 713 yes the scene here sucks. I have tried other sites and its still the same story. I remember a few years ago I used to get more positive responses but as I get older its becomming rarer. Anyway what has made my life so difficult is I have suffered borderline personality disorder. In addition I get depressed alot more so if I get rejected. A few mths ago I was about to commit suicide because I percieved I was rejected by everyone. Its a very difficult cycle and it is linked with borderline. I take medication and see a psychatrist but the change in mood can really be dramatic.
Hey there. Life can be tough some time, and I'm glad to hear that you're seeking professional help with some of the challenges that you have. The bottom line is that you're only going to be as attractive to others as you feel you are yourself. If you're convinced that you're ugly, you're sending that signal to others. Because even if they don't think you're ugly, they're picking up a vibe from you that says to them "this guy doesn't even like himself, so what are the odds of me liking him?" People are going to respond favourably if you have self confidence, if you're interesting, if you're positive, if you're someone that they'd like to spend time with. I'd really recommend NOT looking to date anyone for a period of time. Pick 6 months. Decide right now that you're NOT going to date anyone or try to find a boyfriend. Instead, commit yourself to meeting new people as friends, joining new organizations, participating in new activities, etc. These might be LGBT groups, or they might not be. They might be volunteer organizations where you're helping others, or support groups where you're getting help. But get out and do different things to enjoy your life and that make you a more interesting person. My recovery work always remind me that I have to accept the things I can not change, and find the courage to change the things I can. You might not be able to change your basic appearance. But you can do things to improve it (new hair cut, new or different clothes, exercise or diet to shed a few pounds...). Simply smiling more makes a person WAY more attractive. Little things. This isn't easy. And especially when you're already feeling down. But it really can get better if you start to work on it. I know how dark and lonely a place you're in right now, because a couple of years ago I also wondered what the point as in carrying on. But thankfully I moved beyond that point and today I feel great about stuff. I did meet someone. I did start to feel better about myself. I worked with my doctor and my therapist for 2 years to get me to where I am. I had to take those steps. Nobody was going to take them for me. But they were SO worth taking. And I'm thankful that I did take them, and I'm willing to help who ever needs some help to move forward too. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat one on one. OK? Good luck.
I think it all is in confidence. I have know several hideous people who also seem to hookup with pretty people. WTF I know, right! Point is the have confidence in themselves and give off some: hey-you-know-you-want-this pheramone. You don't have to act like some over confident jerk either, just go with the flow. If you with someone you like and you're nervious just tell them, and if they ask why tell them pretty people make you nervious...trust me it's a great complient people love it.
There's nothing wrong with gay sites, per se. But they do tend to emphasize the physical. Consider - say you're on a gay dating site. Three profiles pop up, one hot guy, two average. Whose profile are you gonna read first? Bingo - the hottie. Even if you're looking for a particular type of guy - someone into movies, or biking, or whatever - your first thought almost certainly will be "Wow, it'll be great if this hot guy likes the same stuff I do". And if it ends up he doesn't, THEN you'll go check out the average guys. So before I go on, I'll have to ask the obvious question. Whose profiles are YOU looking at? Who are you sending messages to? The average, maybe-some-would-call-them-ugly guys? Or just the hotties? My advice? Skip the online places, if you can help it. Because if you're not that attractive, you're at a handicap there. You want to find another like-minded individual. So work on that. If you're in a decent-sized town, check online for gay clubs and groups. Gay biking clubs, gay book clubs, gay bowling leagues. It'd be great if the activity was something you loved doing, but so long as it's something you don't mind doing, that's cool. Lex
Hi Dude99, your thread sounds familiar oh thats right it was in my head 2 to 3 years ago, must be your turn to carry it around. I felt the same as you and I would say that a lot of people on this site have felt the same at some stage. Your experience on the dating sites is what I felt as well so nothing different there. The secret is little steps dont try to be it all at once, learn to be yourself, you have only just come out, now you have to learn to be the real you, in fact you dont have to learn anything the real you is inside, just give it time to come to the surface and then you can show the world who you are. Your sexuality is just a part of you it is not all of you, in fact you will wonder what all the fuss is about then you can get on with living. And what is ugly anyway, it has nothing to do with looks but about the whole of the person that you are, that is considerate, peaceful, shows empathy towards others it is the qualities that make you who you are, not looks, it hard to explain but it is a spiritual feeling that comes from within. I will continue to view this site and feel free to ask any question you like, we are all from the same tribe. Greg.
Lex I look at the average and even the hotties and sent them winks and messages. I even send messages and winks at guys I would not even look twice if I saw him in the street.
Dont get me wrong, I am flattered with the positive responses I do get witch is rare from sites, even from hotties. Even so I just so sick of these sites.
>>>Dont get me wrong, I am flattered with the positive responses I do get witch is rare from sites, even from hotties. Even so I just so sick of these sites. Then leave them alone. If you're getting nothing but heartache and misery and crushed hopes, why stick around? Redirect your energies towards something more constructive, and something more beneficial. Lex
