It has been a while since I posted anything in EC, although I have been reading a lot of the stories here (who isnt addicted to EC actually?) Basically, since my last thread six months ago, a lot of things have happened. I started to came out 6 months ago(at a ripe young age of 27!) and its now close to 10 of my close friends now. I have joined gay dance and tennis groups and went to some functions as well. pretty much i am trying to make more gay friends and build my life back to happiness. It helped a lot as i am slowly getting new friends.However, i started to feel a bit of anxiety lately. There is no one main reason why but its because of the avalanche of things that is happening and maybe going to happen. First is that i have booked tickets to fly back to my home country to visit my parents with the possibility of coming out to them. Being of chinese background, there is a lot of expectations etc etc on the first born son. Moreover my parents are not in the best financial position at the moment(or have been for a few years now) i love them dearly and i think the reason that i supressed my gay sexuality is i do not want to disappoint them. Now that i have come to terms with my sexuality, my parents has become the last obstacle for me to lead a honest and happy life as i am constantly terrified that they might find out about me being gay from others rather than me. I feel the strong need for them to know the real me.i feel that dealing with a gay son will be bad enough for them already, let alone knowing it from an outsider. i will not be able to forgive myself if this happens.I am feeling really anxious that its coming up in about a months time. It also doesnt help that my coming out to my brother was a complete disaster and he said a homophobic remark that really hurt me. Second is that the guy that i have a crush with and spending quite a bit of time with is not responding to me like i thought he might. we spent quite some time together and although he did reject me once when i asked him to be my boyfriend, he always says yes when i ask him out. recently i realise that i might have to try to forget him to make sure i dont get hurt anymore. its been almost two weeks since i talked to him and i am having "withdrawal symptoms" i think as i go cold turkey. Also recently i quit my job to further my studies and the uncertainty of the future is always on my mind. Do i have too much on my plate? should i go to a psychologist? a friend that i confide with told me maybe the source of my anxiety is the messy relationship that i have with my parents( you know with demanding asian parents!) and i may need to resolve that first through professional help. he thinks that that is the root of everything for my anxiety and sadness instead of my sexuality issues Also, how do i get over this guy?!!!! he is on my mind almost every other minute and its getting me nuts!!!!!! Henry
First off... welcome, or welcome back. Coming out is... amazing. Horrible at first... emotional, tearjerking (for all or most parties). If you don't see a psychologist, maybe ask someone in the LGBT community that you trust/get along with for advice about coming out? Don't do it how I did it... family got a hold of my journal. It's best from your mouth, not your written words or from rumours or others. If you can't tell them face to face, write them a letter and hand it to them. Look them in the eyes, and tell them that you want to share something that's important to you and your life. That's how I officially did it. Try to wait for an opportune time--don't come out in anger, or while in a moving vehicle. To be honest... I had a bad relationship with my parents in highschool, but that partially stemmed from the anxiety and tremendous energy it took to constantly lie and make up stories and "wow, he's really hot" I said all the time. Lying is so draining, you have no idea. And yes, coming out this year was [incredibly] hard. I made sure I told my friends and had that friend support incase things went horrible with coming out to the family. I even had a support book about 'what being gay' meant written by a gay author to answer questions parents or friends might have about their gay friend/relative incase I couldn't answer their questions. That helped a bit because I was so emotional myself after I had told them. My mom was in tears every night because I wouldn't live the life she hoped I would and marry a handsome man, have "the house, fence, dog, kids" yadda yadda. I told her later that I can still have all that... just not the dude. Months have passed since I told them, and after watching a bit of the Lword I think mom realized it's not a choice. I have yet to bring a girlfriend over to visit or have dinner there... but in time it'll happen. As for the guy friend... I'll have to think about that, although another dude might better answer that anyway.
