1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Well, it was a good run.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JT, Sep 12, 2009.

  1. JT

    JT
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2008
    Messages:
    194
    Likes Received:
    0
    I got dumped tonight. I feel like shit and replaced. After 2 months of being best friends, and 5 months of being together, we're kaput. I guess it boils down to us being together too much. It created tension and was unnecessary. There are other complications and such and I don't feel like articulating right now.

    The only thing I can think about is how I feel replaced. Since he befriended another, older (9 years his senior, 11 mine) gay man. I don't know what's going on with them other than that they've become quite good friends. He assured me that this new guy was going to just be a friend.

    Part of me wants to cry. The other part wants me to punch brick walls. I don't know why I haven't really cried though. But.. I can't say I didn't anticipate it, sadly.

    The only positive thing that can be said about the whole situation is I'm the only person he's ever dated that the breakup wasn't bad.

    It just sucks that I'm in love with him and we took things too fast. And it's not that I don't agree with his decision, I just question his intentions. We will remain friends.
     
  2. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there! Sorry to hear about your break-up. Give yourself some time to create space and begin the process of moving on. Break-ups, even if they end up in a good way, aren't easy. If you feel you need to let it out of your system, let it out. I think it's good that you two have decided to remain friends. (*hug*)
     
  3. Alex19

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2009
    Messages:
    1,157
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    that sux. i cant really say i know what your going through tho, b/c when me and my ex broke up, i was the one breaking up... and i did it via text. i hope u can laugh at how inhuman i am :slight_smile:
     
  4. Tokarov

    Tokarov Guest

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2007
    Messages:
    600
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Southern California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    That blows. Just get over it.
     
  5. Filip

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2009
    Messages:
    2,355
    Likes Received:
    105
    Location:
    Belgium, EU
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    (*hug*)

    Breaking up always sucks. It will need some time before the sucky feeling passes. And even if you still remain friends, the increased distance will seem strange at first.

    Try not to second-guess his motives for befriending the other guy! Whether or not he replaced you, obsessing over it won't get you back together, and it will only make you feel bad.

    Try just to focus on the positive side: you're still friends and you learned things about relationships and yourself.
    (*hug*)
     
  6. Bradley James

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2009
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Victoria, Australia
    Breaking up doesn't always suck... when I left my girlfriend, I didn't lose a wink of sleep. It had been building for some time, so when it finally did happen and I dumped the psycho woman, it actually felt great to be single again.

    So you never know, breaking up could be the best thing for you.


    On the other hand, it may not be. I remember being heart broken when my boyfriend and I split up. I just couldn't handle it anymore, the distance between us (in a physical sense, he was American, I'm Australian). I didn't want it to end, but I realized it was for the best, for both our sakes.
     
  7. napoleonri85

    napoleonri85 Guest

    Aw I'm sorry to hear about your break up. There are always other fish in the sea.....another will come along :wink: I agree though, you should take some time to yourself before jumping back out there. Break ups are rough :frowning2:
     
  8. Beachboi92

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2009
    Messages:
    1,099
    Likes Received:
    1
    this is a thread to get support and sympathy

    anyways i'm sorry to hear about your now ex BF :frowning2: (*hug*) but don't worry things will get better. I'm sure you will find some one who is more deserving, you are probably a great guy :slight_smile:
     
  9. werekid

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2009
    Messages:
    325
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kentucky
    sry about him break up with with you he is going to miss out i bet you are a great person
     
  10. Just Adam

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2009
    Messages:
    4,435
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    My AV room
    that is really not appropriate or nice >.>

    and im really sorry for the breakup :frowning2: it hurts when somthing ends and theres the feeling what if youd done summat different or this or that...that kind of thinkign dont help though it only makes you focus on the negative side of you relationship, some peopel jsut arent right to be together but can still be great friends you should just focus on wanting you two to be happy and hopes he finds someone and is happy as hard as that may seem to be. You need to move on though and also think of your happiness.... take some time and come to terms with the breakup and recover from it as it is an emotional shock and doing the rebound thing never helps :s... but in time you will feel ready and can get back out there and will meet someone and you will be happy and have a great relationship... i know this is a long way off but think positive :slight_smile:

    take care x
     
  11. JT

    JT
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2008
    Messages:
    194
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you everyone.
    I agree with both the first and second part of your post. Haha

    But as far as moving on.. I have come to terms with the whole backpedaling aspect of being friends. Bestfriends, in fact. I mean, somewhere in the relationship, we lost that aspect in the arguments and tension. And in fact days prior to the fact of the breakup, i was heavily dwelling on that thought. I missed it soooo much. So I'm grateful for the fact that we can continue on with that path.

    Seeing him with someone else if and when that does happen, will probably be the hardest thing for me to do. But I will certainly support him in that endeavor, as he would with me.

    I mean, I still have the key to his apartment so we're by no means planning on not seeing each other ever again :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  12. Jay D

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2009
    Messages:
    179
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Norwich, Norfolk.
    I firstly wanna give you a big hug because breakups suck no matter what. Now, some advice. Get out there and start living. I know it'll be hard, but you gotta get out there. Not necessarily dating, but just go out with friends or whatever. It'll take time, but the sooner you start the better.
     
  13. malachite

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Orlando
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Sorry to hear that. I know what it's like to have your heart ripped out.

    I've been there, your not crying becuase your in shock and angry.

    Just remeber it's a process you'll get angry, you'll cry, you'll do things to comfort yoursefl, then you'll move on and find someone new.

    Good luck buddy.
     
  14. Just Adam

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2009
    Messages:
    4,435
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    My AV room
    thats a GREAT! attitude :slight_smile: be happy for him and wish him teh best as he will you ...and jsut because at the end of the day you sit back and go ok it didnt work its no reason to lose each other and you havent thats brilliant it means youve got a really close friend someone who knows you intimately and you can talk to about anything and will be there for you :slight_smile:

    and it will hurt when he does get with someone but aslong as you focus on the fact hes happy and its good then it will be easier after a while.

    but if you ever need to talk im here for you :slight_smile:

    take care X
     
  15. JT

    JT
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2008
    Messages:
    194
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks for the support. It really is appreciated.
    But on a brighter note, he visited me at work today. It was really nice just because I hadn't seen him since the fact and we talked. We were able to vent to each other for the first time in I don't know how long about each other w/o it escalating into a fight.

    I've known the kid for almost a year, and like to think I know how he operates to a certain degree. And with that, I could tell that he is in fact being genuine with me. We'll have a healthy friendship, but that's not to say that the hard parts have all passed, by any means.
     
  16. Tokarov

    Tokarov Guest

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2007
    Messages:
    600
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Southern California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I AM giving support and sympathy. Yeah it sucks you two broke up, now move on and look to the future.

    lolumadbro?
     
  17. Just Adam

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2009
    Messages:
    4,435
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    My AV room
    well its great you two can still talk and connect... you will be good friends aslong as you continue to work on it :slight_smile:

    if you ever have a rough moment and need to vent or talk im there :slight_smile:
     
  18. Jay D

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2009
    Messages:
    179
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Norwich, Norfolk.
    Keep the friendship going, it's good to remain civil. Good luck.
     
  19. hairdye

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2007
    Messages:
    201
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Orange County, CA
    This is why I don't do relationships. Scares me about getting into one, which I seem to be coming very close to doing. However, best advice I can give is this;

    just laugh at all the great times you had together and how much fun you had. and be excited for someone new to have fun with. Remember everything happens for a reason. Thats the biggest thing i've learned in the last couple weeks.

    The guy who I thought was the love of my life, turned out to be far from it. and then, a month later, this new guy, so amazing. 10 times the man the other was, comes around, and we're having so much fun getting to know each other.

    be excited for that.
     
  20. nevermore

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2009
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm sorry about the break up but it sounds as though you are handling it in the best way. Just try not to get too hung up over being friends with this guy. Distance, the emotional kind i mean, is really good I think after a relationship ends because it gives you your own space to clarify how you feel for him. I feel you have to take charge of your feelings and realise that it is probably not healthy for you to keep seeing him as it will might lead to you hanging on for him when what you need to be doing is moving on with your life and those feelings of being left hanging on might lead you to resent him.

    Hope things aren't too dark for you for too long. Take care