To start things off, I'd like to explain the thread title...it's basically the title to the song I was listening to while writing this, andI felt it kinda Fit my situation. There are some things I think I need to explain b4 I tell the story: 1. I am not out to my family (with the exception to my cousin, but that is a different story) 2. I love my mom and used to be very close with her, but lately we've been growing further apart. So this has kinda been going on for a while with my mom and me, but basically boiled over tonight. I got into a big arguement with my mom on how cotrolling she's been lately. It started when I "asked" her if I can go out to with my friends (my real intentions were to meet up with a guy). She told me that I couldn't go and we got into the arguement. The arguement started out with her saying that I haven't been keeping my room clean. Then I mentioned that I've been tryin to have a social life ever since I transfered colleges for the first time in over 5 years. She then said that she knows that the responsabilities that she put a major damper on my social life in college, and that she's sorry. But that I haven't been responsable lately... We then "disscusted" that she doesn't even know who my friends are and hasn't meet them and wants to know why I'm living a "secrete" life. This is when I wanted to come out to here because the only reason why she hasn't meet my friends is b/c they know I'm gay and she doesn't. It's not that I'm afraid that they'd tell her (purposely or accidently) it just that I'd feel a little awkward. I of course didn't come out because I knew the time wasn't right. But I had no explanation for what she had obviously noticed. After that we aregued about some other things. But at the end of the conversation, I felt that me being in the closet has unintentionlly come between our relationship. I really want to come out, but it never seems the right time. I'm also beguining to think that another reason why I haven't come out is because I basically fear change. I really don't want thing to change between me and my mom. I feel like I'm damned if I come out and I'm damned if I don't. Even though I don't think me being gay would make my mom dislike me. I'm feelin kinda lost and emotional and have no clue what I should do.
You say you don't want things to change, but a lot of your story is how things are changing, and not for the better. I agree that it wasn't a good time to come out during an argument, but maybe this could be the catalyst for coming out to her if you really want to do it. Perhaps writing a letter expressing all your thoughts and fears and love for her would be helpful, since you say it never seems like the right time to tell her.
sorry to say, but growing apart from your Mom is just part of growing up. She might be feeling some empty nest syndrome. Do you have plans to leave home after college?
Well, from what you wrote it seems that your relationship with your mom had already changed because you are not out to her. Of course coming out is something you have to do when you feel ready for it, but it seems that this situation is bothering you and as you seem to think your mother will be fine with you being gay, maybe coming out would be the best option. I think your mother is upset because she feels you are hidding something from her, and that's something mothers don't like especially when they used to be close from their children. If you came out to her, you woudln't have to hide this part of your life from her and that might help you find back the closeness you previously have with her. Take care, Eleanor
Thanks guys, you've all helped a lot! I'm gonna try to take all the advice and get this resolved. U guys made me feel a lot better today.
