Over the last couple weeks I have begun to come out to a couple close friends, and so far everything has gone perfectly (thanks to everyone here, reading all the posts really helped me a lot). Another friend I'd like to tell currently lives in Florida, however I will be seeing him next month when he comes up for our friend's wedding, but first I didn't want to wait that long and second, I don't think time will permit it. So I kind of want to do it sooner than later. I guess I have 3 options- phone, e-mail, or IM chat. I'm leaning towards the last two. I don't know why, but the idea of the phone conversation makes me uncomfortable, more so than an actual face to face. I'd like to avoid this option, but something is pulling at me saying this is the right thing to do. I'd rather do it through the internet. We talk every day on google chat, so that might be the most natural way (me calling him might be weird... he might think to himself right off the bat, whats wrong...), just bring it up in conversation. I also drafted an e-mail I could send him, that kind of lays things out well. So what does everyone think the best thing to do is? I guess I should say a couple important things-- 1.) he's probably one of my best three friends, and 2.) he tends to be very conservative on issues, and conversations we've had indicate that he dosen't look well upon gay people in general. So its important to me that this goes well, but I'm a little unsure of how this will go. Thanks, Steve
Hi there! I don't know if it helps, but I came out to my best friend, who lives in a different part of Canada, via e-mail. I wrote everything I thought was important to mention. I think e-mail is a good way of coming out, because it allows you to put your thoughts together and it also allows the other person to reflect on it before answering. That said, go with whatever you feel comfortable with. Now, and perhaps the bit more important issue are his views and leanings. It happens that even conservative friends are accepting and supportive. At times, when friends come out, their views change because coming out doesn't change anything. You have a history of friendship with him that from the sounds of it is pretty strong. In coming out, essentially, you are just sharing another part of you with him, and which completes you. In your e-mail, maybe you could mention that (and only if this is the case) that it is okay if he needs some time to come around to it. Like this you indicate some understanding about his beliefs and thoughts, but you also help yourself in that you lower your expectations somewhat. Of course, we all want your coming out to go well, but knowing that it might take a bit of time for your friend to come around to it and reminding yourself of it can help, should he come back and say that he needs some time. But at the same time, he knows you. All you are really doing is completing the picture. Maybe also mention (if you haven't) that one reason for your coming out to him is wanting to be truly yourself and because you trust him. Hope this helps a bit! Good luck and I hope it goes well for you!
It's up to you. I prefer to use the technique of "assume everyone already knows". So in one of your phone conversations, you can bring up the wedding. "Things like this make me feel like it's time I got in a relationship, but honestly, I've been too busy to really look for a boyfriend. Maybe I need to put myself out there more." Something like that. Lex
