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Flaming Gays

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jack2009, Sep 21, 2009.

  1. Jack2009

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    I noticed two (possibly three) gay guys this year in my classes. They are flaming like they wear these tight pants with sandals, one has his hair bleach to white blonde. Then they act slutty, with a lisp.

    What makes someone flaming like that? Sexuality doesn't change your gender... (not referring to TG).
     
  2. CrystalCat

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    It's their personality.
     
  3. Gaetan

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    I think part of it is just like any other stereotype. The football player that acts like a jock. The dumb blond. The flaming gay guy.

    I actually used to have the lisp as a kid. But I took a year of speech therapy and it went away. Maybe part of the "gay gene" or "set of genes that predispose you to being gay" includes that particular lisp?

    But, really, I don't know where "the flaming gay guy" behavior actually comes from. The jock comes from their ego. The stupid blond comes from...stupid people who happen to be blond. The flaming gay...doesn't really come from anywhere.
     
  4. CrystalCat

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    i used to have a lisp as well. but i never heard of the stereotypical lesbian lisp
     
  5. BayeBorde

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    Ya those are flamers, ive seen them at my school and they talk with a lisp, walk all swishy and use their hands in a certain way , like they move them too much, i think this behavior comes from having female friends, since for some its hard to have guy friends. When i was younger i used to have girly habits like walking with my hands up and other things but my parents stopped me from doing them, it kinda comes out of nowhere and it may also be adapted from the mother
     
  6. Revan

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    People in psychology actually sometimes like to call it conditioning. By hearing all the stereotypes and everything, people sometimes eventually condition themselves into taking on the roles given. It's not their choice, but sometimes the brain conditions themselves into these roles to be accepted by people.
     
  7. Bryan

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    Revan 46 is right... And also, alot of GLBT like to flaunt their sexuality and that is certainly the way to do it.
     
  8. Greggers

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    Its really hard to tell. ALOT of the time its just the person being who they are. Sometimes, granted, its a person who is just putting on an act. Once you get out of high school those people putting on an act generally dim it down, and the genuine ones keep going.

    You say around 3 are like that? Well for every one flaming gay there will be five hiding in the closet trying to blend in at your school. Its not that common, but people do act like that and its just who they are. Your bound to only notice those gay people though, because the rest have the ability to hide it while the flamers have no choice, its just who they are.

    Gender is a tricky issue. Its not black and white, penis or vagina. A lot of gay people's brains actually resemble a females. That study is about...4 or 5 years old now? Nothing too new or radical. Some gay men just act very feminine. They blur the line between the genders.

    I know personally i feel like a non-sex person who has female tendencies. I dont feel overly female, but i dont feel at ALL male. Its hard to describe, i guess "neutral" with a side of fem? I do act very "flaming" though. I dont have a lisp, but i do tend to do weird things with my wrists without knowing it, talk very feminine, and do feminine things. Its definitely just who i am.

    Now the real question here is, if you have a problem with this: why? A guy who acts like a girl is not threatening you or anyone else in any way. Its often a persons own internalized homophobia that causes them to lash out against the gay people who are the most out and look the most happy, and that would be the "flamers". Its really not a big deal if someone acts that way. I would just let it go and not let it get the best of you. If you like beer and watch sports, good for you. There is no right or wrong way to "be gay".
     
  9. Kenko

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    To some extent some people may act to the stereotype (or exaggerate their mannerisms, to I don't know what, fit in or something). But there's also many people who take years to figure out who they are, and when they come out of the closet and inform the rest of the world, are greeted with "Well duh!", so I think some of it is innate.

    Indeed, I've seen that study (or studies like it) before. I don't think sexual orientation and gender are quite as orthogonal as some think.

    As far as the "Why have a problem?". Myself I don't have a problem with males who are somewhat flaming (they're just being themselves), but I do have a problem with people that act slutty. Why? Because it's this impression of gay people that a lot of people judge all people by, and it reinforces stereotypes, and I have a hard time believing acting "slutty" is genetic.

    Likewise I've seen the "gay community" reinforce this stereotype. I told a friend I was going to go change the oil in my car and was greeted with "Ohh.... That's very... manly..."
     
  10. Tokarov

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    We like to call them, "Squishy"
     
  11. KnightAssassin

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    look i have a lisp naturally and i went to speech but sometimes i use it and well depending on who i am around i may act a certain way so you never know if that is how they actually think or just act ?
     
  12. L|L

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    :badgrin:

    I love flamers, tbh.

    And I can turn the lisp on or off if needed.

    Speaking of which, who's sick and twisted idea was it to put an 's' in lisp??
     
  13. Steve

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    i cant stand them it pisses me off
     
  14. Lexington

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    >>>i cant stand them it pisses me off

    Why?

    Lex
     
  15. Maddy

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    Personality, acting in the way that feels right for them. And what's the difference between expecting naturally femmy guys to 'man up', keep their wrists still, get into sport, dress in jeans and baggy T-shirts all the time, etc., and expecting the more masculine guys to start lisping, get into musicals, spend hours on their hair, and so forth? You're likely to accept the first suggestion and recoil at the second, but really, what's the difference? You're still asking people to change their behaviour to conform to what you think is right.
     
  16. seadog

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    it humors me that we of unstraight sexuality can be as unaccepting as others as our straight brothers and sisters.
     
  17. Gaetan

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    I admit, Flamers do annoy me. Maybe it's that I don't want to be roped into the same category as them. Maybe it's because I've been in the closet too long.

    Or maybe it's like any other overbearing personality of any type: I find it annoying.


    ...After thinking about exactly why I dislike it, I think it is my fear of being roped into that stereotype. I am not a flamer, but as a friend of mine demonstrated in some of his comments today, (in case you forgot, I'm not out to anyone) the flaming gay is still the image that most ignorant straight guys see in their mind. That stereotype will never change if that's all that is seen--hopefully someday it becomes as taboo as old African-American stereotypes.
     
  18. starfish

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    This is the reason that I can't stand the flaming gay guy type. I am a soft-spoken low key kind of guy. I don't like flamboyant people or things.
     
  19. Revan

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    That's what I noticed too. There are so many of us who seem to be discriminant within our own community. It seems conditioned that people pick on people even in their own groups. Blacks pick on Black gays, gays pick on bisexuals, etc.
     
  20. Greggers

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    It does seem a tad ironic someone would not want to be judged because they are gay, then judge someone else for that exact same reason. The saddest part is many people doing that dont even see it. Im sorry, but not liking flamers because they are "too colorful" or however you want to put it is really just not good enough of a reason.