Considered posting anonymously, but then decided not... Anyway, to remind people, I'm 35, newly "out" and very much niaeve and inexperienced at all this... and this is more of a "rant" post than anything else, although any comments/advice/suggestions on how to avoid this happening again will be good... Anyway, a couple of weekends ago, a friend of mine (who I've known for years) came down to visit for a couple of days, and to cut a long story short, we ended up "cuddling" (for want of a better word, I suppose "Second Base" is the appropriate phrase) and slept together (and I do mean slept... not shagged...) I kinda knew all along it was nothing more than a bit of fun, he lives far too far away, but that didn't stop me going all clingy and passive-aggressive this week :icon_redf - and I very nearly destroyed the friendship in the process... We've sorted out our differences, and I suspect he'll be a lot more careful around me in future... I just wish I could reboot my head and just "know" what I'm doing and be able to disconnect a bit of affectionate fun from "relationship" material... I guess I'm just craving any kind of affection, and when I actually get it, it's too much for me to handle - yes, I suffer depression and low-esteem issues... Don't really know what I'm asking here - so feel free to comment and respond (or not)
I know how u feeling and going through same thing as you. I crave for any kind of affection too however I realise the best thing to do is to take things slowly with being intimate with guys.
it is hard to know what to feel and when to feel it, just slow down and think about the friendship and not the possibility of a "fun" nite.
In this case, getting together was about the friendship - the fun night was unexpected to say the least - it more how I "processed" the situation afterwards - a few days on and I fully understand that it was just a bit of fun between two friends, who kinda needed a bit of affection... a relationship between us wouldnt' work - we've talked about it since... I guess I've just been feeling a bit lonely (I live alone) - and I'm trying to get out there and meet guys socially, and above all else, make some gay friends. If one of them turns into something more, so be it - but I think I need to find a way of accepting that the occasional fun night doesn't necessarily mean "boyfriend material"...
Well, always try to look at the bright side of the situation. While he probably won’t get cuddly with you in the future, you’re still friends. And you learned something about yourself in the process. It’s not really strange at all that, after craving affection for so long, you almost instinctively latch on to that. The best course of action is probably to remember this whenever you meet a new guy and try to keep your defences up a bit. Try not to think of any guy you meet or who treats you affectionally as relationship material. And even if they are, always remember that they might not be up for being clung to. You don’t say what you do when you act clingy or passive-aggressive, but no one likes to feel as if they’re expected to continuously text and message back, or to feel as if they’re continuously suspected of explaining themselves to the other party.
Filip - thanks for that - you're absolutely bang on to be honest, I know the "clingy" bit is probably my biggest character flaw - I know in the past I've been the "friend of last resort" to some people, and it's affected me more than I care to admit!
