So there's this guy in my drawing class that I kind of had a thing for. Well still have but I'm trying to get over him, you'll understand why in a minute. So he's pretty straight-acting, besides a little occasional body-language, having been hurt multiple times by straight guys who only wanted to be friends, I was VERY careful and told myself that he was straight and it was just too bad. A funny thing happened not this last Tuesday, but the Tuesday before it. We were on break during class and so we walked to the [local branch of multinational coffee giant] and he was like "you have really good fashion sense" and I responded "well it helps to be gay" "YOU're gay?" he replied in surprised tone. After class, he asked for my number and was like "we should hang out some time". He also mentioned that he would be gone that weekend, I just dismissed this as being (kind of bizarrely) friendly and tried my best to imagine it as nothing more. So fast-forward to this past Tuesday (one week ago), we ate dinner with some friends of mine then my friends left and it was just us two. We started walking back towards our respective dorms, and he brought up "How did you know you were gay?". I told him that you kind of always know but things keep you from admiting it from yourself. Then he mentioned to me that he was kind of into guys too. Then I showed him my dorm (he wanted to see) and I saw his(he has his own dorm room!), and we went back to our repsective homes and called it a night. I asked him the next day if he wanted to go eat somewhere on Thursday, he couldn't so we pushed our "date" to Saturday night. No, we didn't call it a date or anything, but to me it definetely was. The week finally went by and it was Saturday afternoon. I texted him and we agreed to meet at 7. So at around 6ish I start dressing up, I'll admit I was a little excited to see him. Then he texts me at 6:30 "I got hungry and already ate, sorry. But I still wanna hang out later, at your place?". Then I definetely had a "WHAT THE HELL!!" moment, I went and ate by myself, and then met up with a girlfriend of mine who cheered me up. He called at around 9:30, asking if he could come hang out with me. At 10 he showed up and we went to this restaurant with some of my friends because one of my friends was hungry. Then him, me, and a girl friend of mine went to my dorm to watch a movie. She sat inbetween us (yes, she COCKBLOCKED me!) for like an hour and then thankfully she finally left. So there was this space inbetween us, basically the space that my friend took up before she left. I didn't want to come on too strong for him so I took up about half of the space and assumed he would do the same. Except...he didn't. He didn't move. I mean, he adjusted position, there was some slight body language (touching his lips, playing with his hands...) but he didn't move, even at one point we went to go look out the window and he sat down in the same place, at the end of the couch. So basically...nothing happened. So here's my question to you guys: What should I do, forget him, or was I going too fast, or is he just nervous, or what? I mean I'm sure i'll find out what to do soon enough but i'd like your insight. For the moment i'm trying to forget him but he's a really nice guy (well ok, he made a BITCH MOVE by eating right before we were supposed to meet up) and I dunno I had a pretty big crush on him. There are other gay guys here obviously, I try to remind myself that, except that I'm not really into the other guys, thats why this guy was special. It just pisses me off that I was careful and STILL got screwed over, HE was the one asking for my number, it wasn't like the past times i've been hurt. So yeah, I'd love to hear what you think. :icon_wink
i dont think you got screwed over, i think he was actually really nervous and decided to back out of the "date" and is prolly dealing with some of his own demons, if you actually like this guy, dont expect anything more than friendship and if something more happens then its a good thing, just try not to push him because that may push him away. and if he really is trying to come to terms with his sexuality then maybe have it just be you and him when you guys hang out, this way he doesnt have to worry about what other people are seeing and who knows maybe he will open up more. good luck and just be his friend for now
Sounds like he's really nervous about it, but keen at the same time. Slow it down and don't push him into intimate settings yet. Hell, if he decides he's into you, even if you are in public, some pronounced foot/knee touching is still possible and a good sign.
I'm not saying anything different than the other posters. I agree that you were going too fast - I mean, he thinks of it as finding a few random hours to hang out and you think of it as a dressing up dinner date. His questions/actions point to nervousness, naivete, and/or just wanting to be a friend for now. Maybe slow down and work on being a friend and maybe something will emerge from that. Anyway, good to see you've made it safe to the US to start uni.
Nothing in your story gives me the impression you're being screwed over. Maybe you both have different expectations and ways of achieving the expectations, but I don't think there's any ill will. Okay, agreeing to met up for dinner and then texting half an hour before the meeting time isn't exactly polite, but it happens. For him it might have seemed much less of a date than it did for you when you agreed to go have something to eat. And some people just are bad at getting together for dinner. I have a few friends that always switch schedules at the last minute, and while it't's still aggravating, I've accepted that's how they are... As for how he behaved during the evening: there's a lot of ways to explain that. Assuming he's interested, then there's still a near certainty that he was probably nervous. He doesn't seem to be really out, he might not be used to doing this kind of thing, there was the confusing presence of a girl for a part of the evening (inviting other friends along isn't something I would have done. It's almost at the same level of unexpectedness as him having eaten before the date). And he knows you for just a week! He probably doesn't want to jump at other people right away. I think staying put at my end of the couch is exactly what I would have done in such a situation... So it's probably a combination of everything: you were moving a little too fast, or expecting things to happen while he's nervous or doesn't want to seem overeager. That's all assuming he's into you. Maybe he just wants to have a gay friend to talk to. Again in that case you're not being screwed over. You were just both honestly expecting different things. In any case, hanging out more, not expecting too much and keeping in contact would be the best course of action. Oh, and I like the word cockblock. It makes me giggle in a boyish way
Hey Fio =) So to me, it seems like he was just happy (and surprised) to meet another gay guy. Asking you "how you knew you were gay" is either the cheesiest way of letting you know he's into guys too (which he told you anyway), or he hasn't had that many "gay interactions". I think he's just looking to make really great friends with another guy he can actually share his thoughts with. You can never have enough friends, but if they're all straight, there's just a certain part that you miss out on. Honestly, I think he just wants to be friends. Maybe he'll develop feelings for you over time, just give him to time to adjust to this new friendship. He will tell you if he's interested (or flirt back etc). Remember that you may have misinterpreted his "actions" as flirting - asking for your phone number was so he could keep in contact. It doesn't necessarily have any emotional strings attached to it.
Thanks for the advice, guys. I kind of realize now I was going too fast, but I guess when you REALLY like someone you get overemotional over stupid shit like that. So yeah, I guess I'm just gonna let us be friends for now.
