I kept my sexuality quiet for many years after I realized I'm bi. It wasn't until after my freshman year of college until I finally told someone (the someone being my now girlfriend). We live in a small area of Nebraska, and while our immediate group of friends don't see gender in relationships, the rest of our society does. I was okay with being out to only about 10 people that she and I decided together would be okay to tell, but then my mother (whom I have never gotten along well with) decided to go off (again) about my "dyke best friend." (I realize that, to many, that 'dyke' is not offensive, but where I am from it is to those of us who are bi and les.) I finally snapped and told her she would not talk about my girlfriend that way. She told me what a disappointment I am to her and the entire family, and that I was not to tell the rest of them. (I to this day have not told anyone else in my family but her mother, whom I have a very close relationship with. She is completely okay and supportive of us) She also told me that I had "better get over this phase real quick" if I wanted to continue pursuing a career as a doctor. So with that background, here comes the need for help. I need to find a way to make my mother more okay with this, and find a way to tell the rest of my immediate family (my father and my little sister who is highschool age), who are very anti-gay. I want to be able to prove to them that I can have this relationship and still be successful. I want to show them that, to me, this is normal and this is life. So, if anyone has any advice, or knows of any gay or lesbian healthcare professionals (as this seems to be my mother's main issue with the entire ordeal: my future career) who are gay, I would greatly appreciate it. God Bless to all! Kat
Kat22, there are many, many docs who are gay. I have known one who lives in San Francisco and was a Cardiologist and very successful. He has retired but had a great practice. I know a couple of Lesbians who are very successful too. It is not a deal breaker in the medical profession. Changing your mom's opinion will likely not happen. She has to decide to change and showing her this or that will not change her mind. She has a set of different beliefs and once established, are rather difficult to change unless the individual wants them to change. Good luck in your studies. It is a good profession (if we can keep the insurance companies, government and others from stepping between the patient and the doc and prevent being buried in paperwork).
Welcome to EC! The best way to convince them that you can be both - is to show them! In the mean time - not an easy situation to deal with. I wish you all the best!
So I know that I need to give her time, but here is a new situation I would like help with. My girlfriend, which for convience purposes we'll call Jane Smith, came over earlier today to help me edit one of my papers for a class. After she was done, she decided to cuddle me for a while. I'm sick and she felt sorry for me:icon_redf Well my mother walked in and was VERY upset. She called me out of the room to have a talk with me. She told me that first of all, she would be just as upset had it been a guy (Not true. My mom has walked in on my little sister and her boyfriend more than once doing things that high schoolers should not!) and that she was done pretending to "play along" with this whole "I want to be different and I want to get attention so I'm going to have a girlfriend game." She told me that she would rather I be alone for the rest of my life than date a girl. Also, Jane is no longer allowed at my house, and I am to tell my mother where I am at all times (which I find ironic, because A) I am only a couple months away from 20 and B) I am living at my parents' for the summer due to a job that I got in their town, but I have a house in a town more than an hour away, and I move back in to it in exactly one week, so this "punishment" is only good for that long) Now, I'll say it again my mother and I have never gotten along, and she has no reservations about telling me how she wishes I could be more like my little sister (tall, skinny, gorgeous, STRAIGHT). I would no problem cutting her from my life completely (Jane, my roommates, my father, and my grandmother are really all the family I need) except I am still financially dependant upon them. I pay for my rent, utilities, and my school (classes, books, etc.) but they pay for my insurance and help me out whenever I can't pick up everything else. Any suggestions? (The suggestions of: "Get rid of your car so you have no insurance" and "Break up with Jane." have both already been suggested to me, and are both not even close to options) Thanks guys!
Swallow hard and get ready to work harder for what you want. Get a second job and apply for as many grants as possible though your college to help defray costs. It helps to first sit down and think out what you want to do and how you want to do it and leave open as many options as possible, then once established, start working the plan. It is not easy, but before I started college I worked two full time jobs and saved like crazy and of course I was greatly helped with the GI bill in the early 70's. I also applied for grants even though I felt I would not get any because of having the GI bill and a good savings, but that proved wrong and I received two grants that took care of almost the entire cost of college. So look around and find your options and run with them. Good luck.
wow, sound like your mum really doesn't understand gay sexuality. or maybe she has something against it for some reason. Who knows? Any way, I feel that once you are out of her house and more independent things will get better. The problem will be at a distance, but will still exist between you, but less closely irritating. If you know what I mean. Can you get part-time work to help financially? Or a grant or scholarship? So, separation from your mum may be the first and easiest option for now. Secondly, educating her about sexual orientations being natural, that's going to be tougher without some help. Good luck, Paul
I have a scholarship that guarantees me a spot in med school without having to apply, and it pays my undergrad tuition. Because it is so competative, it disqualifies me for a lot of other scholarships and grants. I can get loans, but again, because of the scholarship, my interest rates are borderline rediculous. I have a part time job, but it doesn't pay nearly enough. My girlfriend is by no means poor off financially, but I can't bring myself to allow her to help me with money. . .not yet at least. One of my good friends is a gay guy, and she loves him! Her distaste of gays comes not from actually being gay, but because I'M gay. Also, I tried eduacating her, and even tried to give her the name of some online support groups for parents of lesbians and gays, but she will "have nothing to do with that crap"
Wow, from what I see, there is absolutely NOTHING that would render you a disgrace in ANYONE'S eyes. I'm sorry your mom's too stubborn to open her eyes up. but yeah, I agree completely with Jayhew. Its gonna be a long and vigorous road at times, but short and sweet... success will be the best revenge to all those who say you can't be gay and successful.
Aww, Thanks. You may not realize it, but that means a lot to me. (*hug*) I don't necessarily want revenge, but hey, if it comes with being successful, guess I had better take it!
