Coming out today to my roommate??

first time is the hardest.

Keep in mind that if he confronted you then perhaps he might be ok with the idea. It's hard, I won't say it's not, hell, I still have my first come out fresh in my mind, but it's usually smoother than you expect. And he probably won't stop being your friend over this.

Just hang in there, and maybe practice a speech before talking to him, and try to say it out loud: 'i'm gay'

Don't worry, and do what feels right.

Let us know how it goes.

 

If you don't tell him and he can tell you're lying, you might well drive him away because of that. People don't like being lied to by their friends. Trust me on that one.

There's nothing to make it any easier--you just have to say it. Preferrably in as calm a manner as possible and maybe with an explanation of why you lied to him when he asked. Being lied to is not something most people like but I think everyone can relate to feeling like they might lose a friend and the lengths people will go to to avoid that.

My advice is to remember to breathe. You'd be surprised how easy it is to stop when you're nervous.

You know better than us how your friend phrased the question the first time but it sounds like he has at least accepted the possibility of the idea and instead of abandoning you, he is trying to figure out what's going on. That's a lot better than a lot of people have going on. In fact, the reason why I first came out to someone is exactly because someone actually asked me, seriously, whether I was gay. I wish someone had thought to ask me sooner.

 

Well... the way I came out was by answering that very same question. I don't know why, but something clicked in my head, and I decided to answer honestly. From there on out I came out with the gale force of a hurricane. I told over 40 people within five weeks, all in person save three.

Not a single person stopped being my friend, and not a single person had any hurtful questions (except for my Mom, but she was just really bad at phrasing them). Of course, this wont be everyone's experience, but at least you can take some solace in the fact that it is 100% possible to have amazing reactions, and that your friends will be supportive and loving.

That being said, I fully believe that if someone asks you, they a) have good reason to suspect that you are, and b) are 1000 times more likely to be supportive of you. They have already had to come to terms somewhat with the idea, and if they didn't want to know the truth, they wouldn't ask you. If I were a straight homophobe, I certainly wouldn't give my guy friends an easier way to come out to me!

 

Wow -- it seems that many of us came out when we were directly confronted with the question "Are you gay?" That's my story, too. Except mine is maybe a little more similar to yours, mavric, in that at first I denied it too. I, like joey, had never been confronted with that question before, and telling such a blatant, outright lie made me feel very conflicted. The next day I told my friend the truth, and he was completely understanding and thankful for my being open with him.

I agree with the guys here; he probably wouldn't bring it up if he were uncomfortable with the idea of you being gay.

Good luck, mavric! You're doing a very brave thing. Hope it all works out for you.

(Btw, your "best friends" in high school sounds like real princes. You should be glad you didn't waste any more time on them.)

 

Wow... that sounds awful! No wonder you're scared about telling another friend after they asked you.

Well, I'll definitely be keeping my fingers crossed that this time goes much, much better and that this new friend is a lot more human than the other two.