Ok so i haven't been around EC as my life changes and becomes more complicated but here is my update as i look for a few answers on how to deal with life's little issues. So far i've been popping out of the closet faster and faster to more and more people a few of my friends know and a lot of the school. I've become more comfortable with saying it out loud in public around all sorts of people and being open when i have my "gay moments" aka lady Gaga rants and knowing all the words to Gravity at the school talent show. I gave up on trying to explain my odd sexuality that involves some attraction to girls but preference to guys and decided i'd rather be gay then try to explain it all xD Ok so here is where the issues begin. Not to long ago i went to a party that was my little brothers gay friend/a sorta friend of mines B-day party. It was a clean one (his mom was at the house) and there was plenty of gay guys some lesbian/bi girls and such there and i really enjoyed the company. At one time in fact i went outside with 2 other gay guys and a girl and we all looked at the stars with a particularly cute boy laying on my chest tapping away. Now i was attracted to this guy for sure he was cute, outgoing, a great dancer, and was funny and all that. But i was to nervous to go say to much to him. So finally the party ends and i go to walk home and i notice him sitting out on the sidewalk and ask him whats up and ask if he needs a ride anywhere and he sais no. So he sais he doesnt want to go home and his friend he wanted to go to is not home yet so i invite him to hang over at my house down the street however long. And so the plot thickens as we eventually make our way up to my room.... Now we get there and i just talk and such until we finally end up in a snuggling position where he is drawing on my arm and chest. At this point i'm bursting at the seems i have no idea what to do and a cute guy i wanted to get to know is in my room snuggling with me.... So finally we start making out and such and things escalate to pg-13 and beyond levels. First off i'd like to say anyone given this position who has never done anything before DO NOT GO WHERE I WENT BAD IDEA all i can think of at this point is how i wished i had in fact just said i am not comfortable with doing anything else when he said "we don't have to do anythng if you don't want to". I mean obviously i should have known this was going to just end up being me being used but i guess my low self confidence and belief that no one would ever be attracted to me (especially ones i thought where that attractive) I almost let it go all the way to the point where things would be unprotected but stopped at 3rd base thank god. Then he had to go and in my stupidity i decided thats fine and we walked over and talked and such. He didn't talk to me again for 3 days and blew me off and deleted wall messages on facebook. I basically felt completely used and stupid for about 3 days before deciding whatever he is immature for that whole thing. But not i am stuck at this what if point where is there anything i can do/say that would open up the ability for a relationship. I miss the way i felt at the start of all that soooo much that i am ready to put myself into another position with this guy given the chance. We did eventually talk and agree to be friends (although he still doesn't talk to me or txt me or anything so i still feel stupid) It drives me a little crazy because i miss the feeling i had so much but i know it wasn't anything real..... And it makes me feel like i am attractive enough for a one night stand and thats about it.... On another note i have also gone 1 year without dental check ups due to the fact that my parents are divorced and despite th agreement my dad does not want to supply my mom with info cause he needs to take us but hasnt made the appt. Also i started back up lightely on my world of warcraft habit. However for the past couple days i have been changing my eating habits and after getting over the depression of the boy issue started working out/running again. Any ideas comments welcomed i just needed to like pump out a journal on EC xD
Well, no need to be sorry for not being around as much! Real life happens to all of us, as much as we might try to keep it out! And it does seem like you had a lot on your plate. Now, first of all, I don’t think you really need to have any issues with your self-confidence! You’ll definitely find a guy (or girl) that’s attracted to you. And not necessarily just for a one-night stand. As far as that one boy goes, I think you did all you could. He obviously isn’t interested in pursuing anything further. Maybe he’s just as startled by what happened as you did. Maybe the party made him loosen up beyond what he usually does and he’s now also saying: “Oh God, what did I do?” Or maybe he is just in the habit of using people. Regardless, you tried to make contact and he doesn’t respond, so it’s probably best not to keep pursuing him. You’ll have that special feeling of “This cute boy totally likes me back!” again eventually. It will just have to be with a different guy. Just see it as a learning experience! You found out that there are guys that are attracted to you. You found out that going too far on a first night is probably not the best idea. And you didn’t do anything that might have been truly dangerous. Just remember that the next time you meet a guy and try to take it more slowly. If you meet a new cute guy, test the waters for a bit before doing anything physical (if anything, not getting intimate right away is a great way to find out whether they’re into you or just some quick fun). It will save you the feeling of being used.
