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Everyone is a fucking cunt...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ChokiE, Sep 27, 2009.

  1. ChokiE

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    First off fuck my stupid fucking parents. Fuck my stupid life and everything that encompasses it. I tried to kill myself but police intervention prevented me from finally succeeding in something, haha. So I get back from the mental institute and everyone goes about their daily routines. No one comes to check on me while I'm alone for extended periods of time, in my room, in the basement... It's just like "Hey, Michael tried to kill himself but who gives a fuck? We have way too many trivial problems to give a shit about him." I mean, my parents didn't know at first. My dad was in fucking jail, and my mom abandoned me for her homophobic boyfriend. My dad didn't really care when I told him, his exact words "Sorry to hear that." Gee, thanks dad! You stupid fucking worthless prick. Thanks for the fucking sympathy. So yeah, I got sick of Wisconsin and moved back on down to Florida. My brother doesn't give a flying shit about anything, he's so fucking apathetic about everything... it pisses me off. My grandmother actually does care, which is enough to practically bring me to tears. So yeah, my life fucking sucks. My parents are just fucking useless, all they do is hurt me more every single stupid waste of a day of my miserable little life. I'm still suicidal, I'm furious with rage every single day, I cry myself to sleep, I'm a pathetic loser and I've got no one to blame but myself. I have no friends, I have nothing. Somehow I manage to trek through every day, simply because I couldn't deal with the guilt of ending my life and leaving my grandmother miserable. I thought for so long that if I kept my chin up everything would get better but it didn't. I'm so angry at everything and everyone. I'm angry at God, I'm angry at my parents, I'm angry at my aunt, my brother. All I have is anger and sorrow. I want everything to be better but it just won't get better. I need someone, I need a friend. I need someone I can depend on no matter what, someone I can call at 3 am just because I'm feeling lonely. I'll never have that, people hate me, I'll never make any friends. Before anyone says anything like "Just hold on it'll get better" I've been a member of this forum for what must be two years now. I had a few other usernames previously. I'm sure a few people remember my story. My crackhead parents, my move to Wisconsin, my ongoing misery... It won't end. I've done everything I can but it won't get better. I just want to fucking destroy everything around me then destroy myself. I don't know what to do anymore. Is there hope? Is there anything worth living for anymore? My life is so fucked up, I can't take it anymore. I can't stop crying while I'm writing this because all I feel is fucking misery, sorrow and grief. Is it worth it to stay alive anymore? Is it, honestly?
     
  2. Greggers

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    Well, from the sounds of it, you have come WAY too far to just "give up" now.

    Seriously. I dont know many people who would be able to last a day in your shoes according to that story. Thats not something thats easy to deal with, but your still here and your still breathing.

    That may not sound like much, but trust me. Ive been the one attempting suicide before too. Just living another day is like climbing a mountion - its a BIG feat. You have climbed alot of mountions by now, so why give up?

    Your strong. You can make it through this. Maybe no one in your life currently gives a fuck what your going through but that does not mean the rest of the world doesn't. For example, me. I care. I can relate to your story, and it does not just get a "aww thats too bad" from me like your Dad. And i dont even know you. Think what someone who cares and does know you would do. These people exist, you just have to keep your eyes open. They may be right in front of you.
     
  3. dude99

    dude99 Guest

    I am really sorry to hear about what has happened with your life. I really recommend you to see professional help. Anyway my life was screwed up awhile ago, and suicidal, and attempted suicide several times.

    You are only 18 years old, and you are still very young and your whole life ahead of you. You can move on despite on what happened with your parents. Dont give up. You are a special person.

    Anyway feel free to post on my wall.

    Hope you get better soon
    (*hug*)
     
  4. olides84

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    Hey there. My #1 piece of advice here - work on yourself and your future. Only yourself. Don't dwell in your past - your druggie dysfunctional parents, the dropping out, the moving, etc. Yeah I remember your story - as Chokie as well as Heretic. What I remember is that you had a shit-load of crap to deal with, but I also cared to respond because you were intelligent, caring (esp. for your siblings) and determined.

    Well, you had a breaking point and I'm sorry to hear that, and of the indifference of your folks afterward. But you are 18 now, thousands of miles away, and out from at least some of the shit you were in. So this is the time to turn things around and face the future not the past. Did you get your HS degree? If not, do something about it. Are you working? If not, try to get a job. If that's tough these days, then volunteer. Do things to get out of the house and meet people and make connections and look toward the future.

    It's not gonna magically get better, obviously you know that. But you are getting the support of a loving grandmother - now use that gift she is providing and set some goals for yourself. (*hug*)
     
  5. Eleanor Rigby

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    I am sorry you have to get through so many painful things and I am sorry you're feeling so bad that you don't see the point of living anymore (*hug*)
    I understand it must be very difficult to hold on in your situation, but you have to do it, for yourself.
    You deserve to be happy like everyone does. Happiness is rarely something that is given, it's something you have to fight for. I am really sorry that your family (except for your grand-mother) is not supportive, but you don't have to hold on for them, you have to hold on for yourself. I'm sure you'll find a way to get through this, it won't be easy, it will take maybe a long time, but as long as you are alive, there is hope.

    You are very welcome to contact me anytime if you want to talk about anything. Maybe I can't help much, but I always can listen.
    Take care (*hug*), Eleanor
     
  6. Camman3

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    This sounds so cliched, and it may seem like the last thing you want to hear now in your turmoil, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm sure many of us here can relate to the suicidal thoughts, attempts and other drainging experiences that make you just want to give up. All of these things toughen and harden you for the next time. You've dealt with unimaginable pain - use it to your advantage.

    The last thing anyone wants to do when you're in this frame of mind is listen to someone telling you to be positive, but you have to look at all or any good that may have come out of those situations. Use your immense stregth that you have used to pull yourself this far and start a new life for yourself. As we all here have said: WE care about you. There are people out there who would LOVE to have you as their friend. Getting involved in volunteer work, a job, studying etc can lead to meeting new people.

    Remember that with any process, the longer it takes to develop, the more stable and fortified it is, such as friendship. It may take a while, but you will get there. Hang in there a while longer. Take Olides84's advice and start creating a basis for your life: you need to finish studying or get a job.

    We're all here supporting you; you can do this!
     
  7. Just Adam

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    i love the title of this thread and i feel for you :frowning2:, it sounds so much like me... except if i actually went over teh edge i wouldent be stopped...

    i wish i had a friend like you mention who you can call anytime will allways be there for ya etc etc... but it sounds too perfect.

    dont give up though your 18 your can soon jsut say fuck them and leave start a new life how you want it around people you want, just because they arre your parents it doesent make them your family, you need to get out of there and start fresh it will be realy hard but you will meet people and have great friends and tehy wil be your family..

    just take care. (*hug*)
     
  8. Fiorino

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    YOU matter, the world needs you, so don't give up!

    WOW, you have had to put up with A LOT! I definetely feel for you, and even
    if we're not physically there, EC is always there for you. If you ever are in urgent
    need to talk and are considering suicide again, PLEASE call 866-4-U-TREVOR. They're
    a hotline that specializes in gay teens (The Trevor project). Since your family can't seem to have any compassion, you know what, screw them! Show them by moving
    on, graduating if you haven't already and then getting a job.

    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  9. xequar

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    Someone once told me that family is what you make it.

    You've come this far, which means that you're by no means weak and worthless. By coming this far, you've shown quite the opposite-that you're strong. The weak don't make it this far. Take it from someone who had the shotgun loaded to kill himself, you're not weak or worthless.

    You're 18 and you're strong. It's time to cut bait. The people that gave birth to you have plainly demonstrated that they're not family. Waste no more time or energy on them. The other person born of the people that gave birth to you has demonstrated that he's not family. Waste no more time with him. Just because cancer starts out as part of your body does not mean it should remain there.

    Take stock in the good things you have going on, like the fresh move to Florida and a grandmother that loves you. Those things are worth your time and energy.

    You are strong, and you can do this.
     
  10. malachite

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    You need to get away from these people and go out on your own, stop looking for sympathy and find your own inner strength.
     
  11. Jim1454

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    You've covered off how nobody is doing anything for you. We get it.

    What are you doing for yourself? Are you eating right? Getting exericse? Going to school?

    What are you doing for other people? Are you helping your grandmother with chores around her house? Are you volunteering at a local food bank?

    Under your profile name you describe yourself as a "miserable lonely alcoholic". Are you really an alcoholic? Because if you aren't, I'd ask that you change that. People dealing with alcoholism don't need to be mocked by those that aren't. But if you are an alcoholic, then you need to be getting into AA. Nothing - and I mean nothing - in your life is going to improve if you're not dealing with your alcoholism.

    And really, nobody owes you anything if you can't be bothered to help yourself.

    But if you're willing to help yourself, then I'm willing to help you. I'm familiar with 12 step programs and would be willing to work with you if you thought that would help.
     
  12. Jay D

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    Oh, mate, I feel so sorry for you. It's tough being you, it really is. OK, sympathy over ... get the hell out and start helping yourself! Nobody here can help you if you don't get up and make an effort - you just need to tell yourself you can.
     
  13. kizza111

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    alot of what you said applys to me life, but obviously slightly varied.

    but i never tried to killl myself! dont do it, it wont solve anything, please dont end it all when theres so much to live for!
     
  14. ChokiE

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    I wouldn't joke about alcoholism. I've suffered with it most of my teenage life (which hasn't been that long I guess, but still like four years). I tried a lot of those little "programs" and none of them helped. Maybe I wasn't willing to let them help. I'm trying the whole "quitting cold turkey" thing right now though, it sucks but I want to get better.

    As far as helping my grandmother, yes I help with chores, I help cook and clean and what not. I love her to death and would never take advantage of her.

    Helping myself, I need to work on. I really only feel happy when I see people I care about being happy, so I tend to come second.

    I know I must seem like a whiny little bitch, but I'm just really depressed and angry. I tried so hard to help myself for so long and my life still fell apart so I am in between being optimistic and completely giving up.
     
  15. Beachboi92

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    As others said you are for sure a stronger person than most anyone i have ever met. And although it seems like you don't have a lot of people to go to about problems you will ALWAYS have us here at EC. (*hug*) i was in the same position without having people to talk about with my issues (and suicidal) which i am glad to say has been helped by making friends here on EC (<33 to joey) As for the alcoholism and such if you are in need of someone to talk to about it i could talk to my mom's current boyfriend (he has been sober 12+ years i think tried to kill himself and woke up the next morning alive ect he had a lot of issues some of which i would never tell a stranger as it includes abuses of multiple types) just PM me and i'll see what i can do to get you someone you can talk to that can really relate to you.

    (*hug*) things get better and you seem like the person that would work to make it better. We are all here for you no matter what :slight_smile: (*hug*)
    p.s. I FRIGGEN LOVE THE TITLE OF THIS THREAD xD

    PM or wall message me anytime :slight_smile:
     
  16. Jim1454

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    OK. I'm in. You want to get better. I'll do what I can to help you.

    Yes, you sounded like a whiny little bitch. Angry raving lunatic came to mind, actually. But I appreciate that you responded in a calm and rational way to my post.

    You have had to deal with a lot of crap in your 18 years. And there's likely more crap that you'll have to deal with. But what I have learned is that how I approach things and deal with them is 90% of the issue. As an addict, I learned to cope with crap by turning to my addiction. And that eventually caught up with me and became a problem all on it's own. And when you're coping mechanism becomes your problem, you're screwed.

    That's where a 12 step program helps. People that have been there before and can help you through it. Even at 35 when I first joined a 12 step program I was very skeptical. However, I recognized that I had nothing to lose and potentially a lot to gain, so I stuck it out. I listened and I tried and it worked. Not over night. Not by a long shot.

    You've got stuff going for you. You have a grandma that loves you. You have brains. You have spirit (based on your rant above...).

    If you'd like to talk more, send me a PM. Maybe I can help put things in perspective for you. Let me know.
     
  17. L|L

    L|L
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    Life sucks, then you die. Well, you pay taxes, then you die. =]

    I want to know, what are your plans on changing your situation? Or, do you want to just be in a rut forever?
     
  18. ChokiE

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    I'm going to try not to be rude, which is getting very difficult with people asking this question. I have been trying to improve this situation since I was FOURTEEN YEARS OLD. I had to raise my four younger siblings while my parents sat around snorting coke, smoking crack, popping pills and drinking their weight in booze. All the while I was working my ass off at a job I absolutely despised to put food on the table because neither of my parents were doing a damn thing. I loved my little siblings like they were my own kids. Then my cunt of a mother, who agreed to sign over custody to me till she got help, randomly turns up and takes them away from me. Four long, agonizing years of this bullshit and all I've done up until four months ago was try to improve it. It never worked. So maybe you can possibly understand how that could make a person feel defeated.
     
  19. ChopinFan

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    You are obviously an amazing, selfless, loving, driven person who deserves so much more than he received.

    Now please...please...let Jim (or someone else who can) smack some sense into help you.
     
  20. L|L

    L|L
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    People often say that motivation doesn't last.
    Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.

    -Zig Ziglar

    Though I can not know exactly how tough it's been for you first-hand, my mother raised her 5 brothers and sisters.

    It is time for you to think about you. Though you may worry about your siblings, you've done what you can.

    As for the future, what do you want for yourself? A job? Education?