Lost

Hi there!

First of all, there’s no reason to panic! There’s no one on here that is going to judge you for not being sure about your own sexuality! Almost all of us have been there at one moment or another. We know how it feels.
And we’re not a forum of intelligence operatives. We can’t find out anyone’s identity just based on a sex and an age. You don’t need to tell us this if you don’t want to. But I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t get you in trouble either. And it might make it easier for us to get an idea where you’re coming from.

Now, first thing to remember is that there’s no deadline. You don’t need to figure this out today, or this week, or this month. So just take a deep breath and try to relax a bit. If you take it easy, you’re sure to find an answer eventually.

It’s pretty hard to tell whether someone is gay, lesbian, bi, or even asexual from childhood experiences. A lot of children play games that might, with hindsight, be seen as evidence of how they would turn out. But that doesn’t necessarily constitute proof either.
So rather than wondering about what you did with this person, how do you feel now? You say you don’t feel a whole lot towards the opposite sex, but have you ever felt more towards the same sex? Are there occasionally people in the street that you follow with your eyes, thinking that they’re attractive? And are they the same or the opposite sex? When you see something that could be seen as romantic, or erotic, do you focus on the guy or the girl? All of this could be clues as to who you are attracted to.

Also, it might be that you’re attracted to both, or to neither. And that’s fine too!

I know it is weird to analyse yourself like this. Especially if it comes out of the blue. Always remember that regardless of orientation, you’re still the same you. Only with a little more self-knowledge when you find the answer...

 

I can relate to not feeling the "urge" to do things with other people - that goes for either sex. It feels like there's no incentive to jump into bed, really.

I call myself gay because my body responds sexually to images/behaviors/voices of members of the same sex as me - men.

It's hard, but try not to worry about it. Learn who you are in regards to your sexuality...maybe it's just sex in general at this point that creates a response in you.

I eventually realized I was looking at the guy more than the girl, and it sorta clicked =P

 

Being labelled is never entirely fun. It helps if you can first label yourself, though. Once I really accepted myself as gay, other people labelling me as such became less of an issue. By which I don’t mean to say I’m not bothered by being labelled, but it did become less of an obsession. And in the final analysis, most people surprised me with their open-mindedness…
Labelling yourself takes time though. But as I said before, there’s no deadline anyway. If you don’t feel like expressing your feelings to the people around you, just expressing them to strangers on the internet like us can help too, sometimes.

Good that writing makes you realise things about yourself! That’s how it works for me too. Writing things down makes it easier to focus!

So, would you say you like these celebrities and idols of the same sex more on average than you like those of the opposite sex?
And the next one might be too direct a question, so disregard if you feel uncomfortable answering: did you ever watch porn? And if you did, what did you focus on there? If you would try to think about one of the same-sex celebrities being there with you right now and wanting to fool around, what do you feel about that?

Not getting aroused when fooling around with the opposite sex could mean you’re not into them, but it could also mean that you’re just not all that easily aroused. Which is not really a problem. I can sometimes act flirty, but I can count the people I’d ever really want to fool around with on the fingers of one hand.

Don’t feel bad over your friend finding you on facebook! It might have been the catalyst, but you’d probably launched into some soul-searching anyway. And as I said before, whether you find out you’re straight, gay or anything inbetween or outside the two, you’ll end up happier after you know!

 

Hi! I just found this post and felt I had to respond. Firstly, it doesn't matter when you figure out "what" you are ... it could take years, weeks, months, days ... so relax a bit and take the time to consider it. Secondly, does it really matter? I know that sounds callous but to be honest, the only people who need to know are you and the person you date/marry etc. So don't feel you need to tell everyone the minute you work it out. I took 4 years to work out that I was bi, and I've only recently come out fully. So take your time.

Hope this helps.

 

First of all this is not a dilemma or a problem that you have! It is part of who you are. This is not something that defines you just like being straight is not what is defining in a straight person. This is something that you are going to have to come to terms with before you can let anyone else in. I know exactly where you are coming from. I am 23 and just recently started coming out to my closest friends and my girlfriend. Now I haven't told them that I am gay, but that I am bi. One of my closest friends is also gay and it was wonderful to have his support.
Don't underestimate your friends they might be more accepting than you might think. The person that is going to give you the hardest time with acceptance is yourself. Once you can accept yourself then you won't need to worry about others accepting you and you can not expect them to accept you if you don't accept yourself.

 

You are this way because you were born this way. You are not alone in all of this!

 

Well, congratulations already on putting male and gay on here! If you feel better about doing that, it proves that it was the right decision!

And you're not whining! It's natural to agonise over this. Most of us have been there. The few moments where you knew and then pushed it back are also all perfectly normal. But take it from me, it does get better.

And there is a stereotype of gay people hanging out more with girls than with guys, but in a lot of cases it's just that: a stereotype. My friends are about 50/50 girls and guys, and in fact, I came out to my male friends first. Don't feel like you need to tell anyone in real life before you're ready for it, though.

Just don't feel bad about not conforming to the stereotype. Most gays or bis don't conform to stereotype. Most are just guys that like guys (and also girls, for bisexuals). And all the clichés don't need to apply.

Lol, now I'm curious as to who the anonymous stranger was that introduced you here. I know a few people on here that went to anonymous chatboxes (in fact, the last time I heard about that was a few months ago, which would more or less coincide with the time you met your anonymous stranger). I'm not sure if we'll ever find out...

 

Yeah, not mentioning that place would be your best bet! It's a rule that might seem overly cautious, but it is all just for safety's sake...

But no worries about not finding out! You'll just have to hang out here and get to learn all of us :icon_wink