I know the things should be doing but I can't even force myself to go through with it. Counseling is way too expensive, there's no free service here, and I don't plan to spam forums like this and make a thread every time I can't take it anymore. I have so much bottled up inside. My birthday is coming up (I'll be 20 y/o) and I couldn't feel worse about it. Every year is a reminder of all the things I HAVEN'T accomplished, all the things other people my age have accomplished. I fell behind big time. I'm posting this just to get it off my chest and maybe get some attention. I don't know how much help I can get because no one here really knows me. I also know that I wouldn't even do the things I'd tell other people to do if they were in my situation... it's just frustrating and at the same time I'm used to it. Weird cycle I've been facing for nearly half my life now. It might be laughable to say that at 20 years old, but the fact that I've had it bad pretty young is worse because that's when you're supposed to build your character.
What exactly are you supposed to have "accomplished" at age 20? Graduated from school? Gotten your first car? Found your own place? Gotten laid? Figured out what you want to do with your life? Because other than graduating from high school (which simply led to going to college), I hadn't gotten any of them done by age 20. I guess my main question to you is - what DO you want? Lex
Hi there! I wouldn't worry too much about what you haven't accomplished yet. You still have a long life ahead of you where you will accomplish things. Lex asked the very same question I was going to ask. Think about what is it that you want out of your life. What do you want to do? Once you have figured that out, start setting yourself some realistic goals. If you feel that you haven't accomplished anything yet, start with the things that you have set out to accomplish, whether it be finishing school, getting a drivers license, finishing reading a book that you have been reading on, etc.... Goal setting and working away at them bit by bit, could help you in moving your life forward and accomplishing the things you would like to accomplish.
I'm not complaining I'm not a doctor yet or something. But anything I could've accomplished... I didn't. I never really graduated from high school. I don't want to get too into that because that's not what it's all about. I'll just say that at this point I can try to improve and study hard, it's what I should be doing but I lack the drive. I also haven't done any of the other things you mentioned. Being a virgin is also another example. When I wanted to have sex I didn't. Now I don't feel like I HAVE to go the nearest bathhouse as soon as I can, yet at the same time this "technical" fact is not making me feel better about myself. Now I'd feel too weird to do it. I even don't know if I want to now that I stopped working out. It's so many little things holding me back but the outcome is a mess. I'm too lazy to even get a drivers license. I also feel that my family is dragging me down... not purposely but things haven't been going well for anyone for years and I'm sure that has also ruined a lot for me. I'm surrounded by negative energy but it's not my family's fault really. I'm just part of a big mess.
Hi there! You have mentioned a couple of things that are in your hands, which you can change and which will give you a direction in your life. Do things have to continue to go in the wrong direction? No they don't! You, and you alone, have the ability to change things. The past is the past. Start looking forward. First off, finish high school. Without a proper education, you are not going to get very far in today's world. In finishing high school and getting a college education you will start turning some of the 'negatives' around. Yes, sometimes, studying certain subjects aren't particularity motivating and we fail to see the point in why we are studying them, but it allows us to look forward to college where you can pick out a degree or a field that you like studying and pursuing. Sometimes, it is also a matter of how you study. The good news is that you seem to have some motivation in perhaps wanting to try to improving and studying. When you go back to finish you high school degree try to start with the subjects that you like and interest you. In between those subjects have a couple of subjects that you might not like as much. In mixing things up it doesn't become about only about the things you don't like but also about the things you do like, which should give you some drive/motivation to keep moving forward. In addition, and perhaps more importantly, it comes down to the question of "what do you want out of life?" The goals that you set for yourself, will also give you the drive and motivation. Think about what is that you want to do. Do you have an interest in a certain career option? If you need to figure out what that might be, go to your nearest college can get some information brochures or go online and have a browse through various programmes, maybe you will find something that interests you. Think about your interests. The other thing is that you are concentrating way too much on things that might not 'interest' you or be all that important to you right now anyhow. Is it important that you didn't have sex, even when you wanted to? No! Don't worry about it. Leave it to the side for now. I think you have far more important things to worry about at the movement. So what if you are a virgin? If you feel that working out is something that would give you energy and be something positive, go back to the gym. Untangle the sex part with going to the gym. Maybe going back to the gym could be something that you could consider. Maybe in trying to turn things around, and climbing out of the 'mess' might actually help the rest of the family too. Maybe you can be the one that starts to bring in some positive energy. Just because things haven't gone well for the last number of years, it doesn't mean that things can't change. You can take charge of your life. You have that chance. Create the opportunities that will allow you to take charge/control of your life. I hope this helps a bit!
I know that but I don't feel like it's possible to be completely happy, cause I've been in the same place for so long. I know I can achieve more but I don't feel that it will get me anywhere. I just spent so much time doing nothing and obsessing over little things that I'm starting to feel like a robot. I also can't figure out what I like, so as far as career/college goes... no idea. I don't want to blow money on something that might not be what I want to do. Ideally I'd want something in entertainment, but how practical is that? True but I don't know if they deserve it. They're trying to push me back into the closet just cause they suspect. I have no problem with coming out, I just want to do it when I have something to fall back on.
Hi there! I think it really depends on how you look at things. I think it would be good if you would try to change your outlook a little bit. Having the idea of "I don't feel that it will get me anywhere" is already self-defeating. What's the point of starting? Right? You are selling yourself short before you even started! At this point, try not to think about the what ifs, or 'it won't get me anywhere.' The important thing though is that you know you can achieve more. You know that! Take that as your starting point. Turn things around. Rather than placing an emphasis on that things might not get you anywhere, place an emphasis on the things that you know you can achieve. Start making a list of all the things you do want and know can achieve. If you can, go online and start browsing different colleges' websites and have a look what they are offering. If you want a career in entertainment, try to get some info on that. I agree that you shouldn't just spend your money on something only to find out later that it doesn't interest you or don't want to do. To avoid that scenario, educate yourself on the possibilities out there. Think about what 'interests me'. Ask yourself: 'D I have some interests that could help me in figuring out what I would like to study, and give me an idea what I would like to do as a job (beyond entertainment). It is always good to have a couple of more options, just in case you want to change your career plans later on. Often colleges will also send you some information/programme brochures. Also, if you happen to live in a college town or near a city that has a college, it might be worth while to pay a visit to the career counseling office and see if they can help you in figuring a few things out. I think wanting to come out, knowing that your family suspect already, and 'being ready' for when your coming out that happens, should give you some motivation to turn things around and to start working on those things that you can achieve. You have an important goal here. Take that as a starting point. Make a 'fall back on' plan. Think about what would you need to have in place to feel secure to come out and feel prepared for when it does happen. From what you have written, you have a number of things that really should allow you to begin to turn things around and to start living your life again. Try to change how you think about things, try to take it day by day. For every day, come up with a small goal that you know you can achieve on that day. Fulfill that goal. After that, create a new one that you want are going to fulfill the next day. Over time, create and follow larger goals. But I think a lot will also depend on whether you are willing to give it a try. I hope you are, because you can achieve things if you believe in them and create realistic goals that will lead you to achieving the things you want achieve. I hope this helps a bit!
