Overcoming fear of coming out?

Aw man. (*hug*) I was the same way in some ways. You'd hear the occaisonal 'dyke' or fag comment. Then, there I was, realizing I was totally into women, and getting all paranoid they'd find out. A gay dude was also going to school and he started hanging out with us and that changed all of that. The comments stopped, because people realized what a nice, cool guy he was to hang out with and talk to.

So... I think if they care about you (like, really care, as friends) they may feel awkward at first, but get used to it. If they don't, educate them. If they aren't into being educated, then they're not friend material to begin with.

You deserve someone and people as friends who are supportive and ok with you being you!

 

Yeah i have the same problem with my family. I feel like i dont want to dissapoint them with being "gay" and i dont want them to treat me differently, i wish they would understand that i am not going to change if i say i like boys. It is hard to be at that point because it has gotten so lonely that the only thing that stopped me from killing myself is that i couldnt do that to my parents. If you ever need someone to talk to about anything i am here (That sounds really corny. lol)

 

I have the same problem, hun. My friends aren't the issue, but my parents certainly are. Well...my mother. Dad makes gay/lesbian jokes all the time, but when it comes down to it, at least he is rather okay with it. My mother, however, denies every attempt I've made at telling her--and even when she caught me snuggling with my girlfriend at the time, told me that I was being forced into something because the girl was ONE YEAR OLDER than I was--and says that "it's just not natural."

So it's okay to be scared. I'm 21, and I am still not out to anyone in my family beyond my brother and cousin. I was lucky with my friends.

But really, if your friends dump you because you come out...then they weren't friends to begin with. Just take deep breaths, and do what you feel comfortable doing.

(I am so bad at giving advice...sorry x_x)

 

Well, the truth is that friends who say that without knowing who you are are ignorant, which can be remedied. If you come out to them and they keep saying those things, they simply aren't friends at all. Allowing someone to belittle you or some category you fit into just to fit in isn't really friendship in the end. It's subservience. So, my suggestion would be to examine how strong your friendship really is when they are keeping you from actually being yourself.

 

omg i feel exaactly the same way! especillay with my friends using gay as an insult :icon_sad: thanks for the above advie but more would be appreciated!

 

i'm going through what you are going through right now. i haven't even really come out to myself completely yet. i'm slowly accepting myself day by day. i'm actually afraid to come out to my friends also.. especially because i'm afraid of having awkward friendships after. your orientation says "gay - but thinking too much makes me question" that's EXACTLY how i feel at the moment. just wanted to say you're not alone..

 

This is actually what I'm going through right now. I've been thinking too much about what everyone else is thinking, and it's becoming a chore to deal with. Sometimes I wish the mind would just shut down and let me live abstractedly for a while.

 

yeah.. and i'm one of those people that think way too much about basically everything. and the whole friendship thing.. even though they might accept it i think i'll be the one feeling awkward also..

sometimes i wish i can come out of the closet and then suddenly go into a coma so it'll give them time to accept it.. then wake up out of nowhere and be like, :smilewave. haha.. i wish.

 

It's pretty simple. You tell people you're gay when you feel comfortable doing so. There's no hurry. It isn't a race. So if you're not ready, don't tell them.

But you're leaving yourself exposed to some pretty toxic attitudes about gays and homosexuality. YOU are doing that by hanging around them. They are free to say whatever they want - and all the while there are no consequences for doing that, they'll keep doing it. If you were to tell them that their comments were offensive, maybe they'd change.

 

:lol:

You'd be amazed how quickly some people can adjust to the news. I was expecting slow and gradual acceptance from a few people I really care about, so it's been kind of shocking when these same people were instantly supportive and open about it. I spent so much time in the closet thinking about the different types of reactions I would get from family and friends, usually preparing myself for the worst, that I wasn't emotionally ready to handle the best case scenario.

 

OMG, All this is exactly what im going through, Ive finnally come to terms with myself, now comes others

 

Dude, seriously. Your friends really are assholes. I am shocked you even used the word "Friends". Thats just sad.

My advice is to do whatever is best for you and the life you wish to live. If you want to come out to them, dont do it because you fear them. Do it because you are proud of it and you are demanding your respect from them as a HUMAN. Especially since your friends believes that Homosexuals are of another planet.

Also, IF you choose not to come out, and keep your...well.. "friends" and tolerate what they do to hurt you emotionally, then atleast try to compromise with them. Try to be the brains, the liberal one of the group. As I always tell my friends, "In society, demand your respect. Dont ask for it." Demand your respect.

Good luck.

 

First of all... DUDE I wanna print you're post and simply hand it out to my friends signed by me!
Second... You people just make me feel stupid! I can't even explain what bugs me and post some million word posts that don't say s*%$! I'd just like to make mine all of your words!

 

Well I don't know what goes on behind my back... but before I came out on my small college campus, there was a transwoman (mtf) and she was the only LGBT I knew. It was obvious but I was friendly and ended up making friends with her. I knew that if she could be so open and honest about her life, then I sure as heck could! I wanted out of that closet.

There was some insults to LGBT people on campus at first, and a couple guys made fun of her, and I told them that it's not nice to make fun of something you don't understand.

And to be honest, after I started flirting and talking more openly about life, gfs and what not around campus, people seemed to stop talking about "gay jokes or queers" in a derogatory sense. Now girls come up to me, talk about things they might not share with others, flirt a little and all in all it's been a positive experience.