That last hurdle to being out...

well congrats on telling your mom. It is very common to be terrified of telling one of your parents over the other one (and even both of them). For me I was more terrified to tell my mom than I was of telling my dad I would find the right time and maybe talk to your mom and see what she has to say about it after all she knows a lot about how your dad reacts to things and can maybe offer some suggestions on how to tell him. I would wait a while until you have told you dad and your parents have a while to digest that you are gay before you tell them that you are in a relationship.

 

I agree. A book I read advised me to ease them in. Don't like bring your BF into the picture too soon. Wate for them to adjust them to adjust to you being gay. Well thats what my book says anyway.

 

I haven't told my parents either! I think they're probably the hardest people to tell...I picture myself telling them both together - not sure why. One of these days...

Good luck, and congrats!

Oh! And Welcome to EC!!! This REALLY IS a great site!!!

 

I think dads take having a gay or bi son a lot harder then moms. Their reactions are almost always "all my hopes for my son are all over". isn't that totally selfish!! my dad will be crushed, he always wanted me to be a jock and me being gay will totaly crush that hope. It is selfish but that is how most dads are.
And leave the BF out of the picture for a while!

 

I would assert that this level of discomfort with telling your dad stems from the fact that the dad is traditionally the disciplinarian of the household, so is seen as a sterner, less forgiving figure. If you're genuinely worried about his reaction, it might pay to ask your mom to back you up when you talk to your dad, but first, I would just sort of pay attention to his commentary on world views and things like that, and try to get a feel for when and what to say. You mention that your parents will very likely be accepting, and your mom has apparently already demonstrated that, so I suspect you have nothing to fear.

Like you, I was more worried about the reaction from my dad, but oddly enough, although both of my parents took it well and were accepting, my dad took it in stride, whereas my mom was actually the one to take it very hard. My mom was saddened by the "loss" of the future that she had laid out for me in her mind, like the wedding plans, the visions of grandchildren, and all of those sorts of things, which were doubly exacerbated by the fact that I'm an only child. My dad, on the other hand, was happy that his son found peace and was finally being honest with both himself and the world.

Like I said, I doubt you have anything to fear, but I wish you the best of luck anyway! (*hug*)

 

hey i agree best to leave the bf out of it for a while . i dont know if this is good advice maybe i was just too scared , but i couldnt face my dads reaction and i asked my mum to tell him . in the end his reaction wasnt that bad he just didnt know what to say . but mind you he never knows what to say about anything that involves emotion . anyway my point is why dont you ask your mum what she thinks , she probably knows how he will react im sure she knows him pretty well .

 

I think it's worth noting that (believe it or not--I always find it weird) there are gay jocks out there. Not saying you have to be one or that you should be one, just that being gay does not really negate jock-ness, unless you make "being smooth with the ladies" one of the jock requirements, which I guess some people could do.

Yeah, I had to face the whole issue that I was not a "typical" boy with my dad too. It sucks. I'm about as athletic as... as... well I don't know but something not terribly athletic. And I'm so not "Dude! Buddy!" kinda guy.

 

As for your boyfriend, just make sure when you do tell them you make sure to mention the fact that you were into guys long before you met him. I think a lot of people are still of the opinion that people can be "converted" into being gay and there's this whole stigma of the older, predatory gay male stereotype and just in general it seems to be a default people fall back on and it would be easy to do in your case, what with your boyfriend being non-trivially older.

People seem to want to believe that someone goes around "turning" people gay. So make sure you let them know that that wasn't the case.

 

Joey does it again! Just love the term "non-trivially older":roflmao: . It certainly describes me in terms of the relationship with my boyfriend. I think I'll use that in the future when people ask about our age difference.

And to Terp2009, you've already taken a gigantic step by telling your mom. What are the chances of her supporting you when you tell your dad? I'm sure that would make it a lot easier, and in theory, you end up in a group hug and live happily ever after. If you'd rather tell your dad one on one, ask your mom for advice as far as the approach and timing. She knows him even better than you do.

I agree with the rest of the folks here that it's better to wait a while on the boyfriend. That might be too much for your parents to handle all at once.

Congratulations and good luck with the next step.