Ok basically this week is my birthday and i have never felt so stressed, so much anxiety, and so tired and confused i just want to scream. I told my mom that i wanted to go to school in California. I have always wanted to go to school in California UCLA, CSU and now i learned of UCSD and SDSU all have very good Psych programs and UCLA especially has a good psychiatry program. Now here is where all the troubles begin - I take SAT's on the 10th and i have had no time to study - I have a shit ton (and i mean A SHIT TON) of AP psych work to turn in soon that i haven't been able to work on - I have 10000 people trying to get my time for my birthday week to do stuff and it has literally left all my free time closed - IDK if my dad will actually help me with college or not (he is the one that makes all the money between my divorced parents) - IDK if my grandmother will help me with college or not (she paid for my cousins college who has failed out 3+ times bought him a car twice after he wrecked one and has been caught with Coke and weed and she also paid for my older brother 1 year then he flunked out and she stopped helping him) She has this aversion towards helping people who actually need it (aka me the only kid that maintains a GPA above a 3.5 in my entire family generation. - I told my mom i want to go to Cali she asked "why" and it's to expensive and you will be far from home (aka she doesn't want me to move far away and is assuming my dad wont help with college and wants me to go to community college where i will basically fall in with the rest of dead beat marylanders that go to my school when my aim is so much higher) - NO ONE I KNOW GIVES A SHIT ABOUT WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE, not one family member or friend seems to want to supply me with any form of help when i am as stuck as i am they just want to work against me - My dad pulled the IDK UCLA is kind of expensive trip (he makes over 200k a year :/ not to mention originally he was all liking the idea of me going there cause he could visit me and my mom couldn't :/) - it feels like everyone is only looking out for them including my family and no one gives a shit what i want to do as long as it fits their agenda - all of this hitting me at once i have missed school 2 days i've been depressed, i left a not for my mom this morning asking if i could decompress and spend the day sorting through some of my college worries and such instead of going to school as i have asked for nothing for my b-day she acted like she had no idea what i was asking and stressed how i need to work after school on it no one seems to realize that i want to do this no matter what. I NEED to get away from all these psycho self hating, negative, pessimistic, controlling, uncaring assholes that call themselves my family. As far away from possible. I want to live in california i want to go to school out of state near a beach at a good school and i want to live in california..... This morning i thought apparently no one gives a shit about me they are all just out for themselves if i offed myself it would be easier and even went through the trouble of what i would throw into my suicide note.... when i say i will do anything to escape this hell i mean it i am ready to drop classes and work at a nearby resturraunt till 1am every day after school if thats what it takes to save up money for college but that requires parent permission since i am not 18. I am seriously considering simply grabbing all i can in a backpack hopping on a bus with what money i have or even fucking hitch hiking it across country to get where i want to go. IDC if i have to work 5 jobs and live in a shit hole to make my way to Cali and get into that school but also i am still 17 : / IDK what to do and all the stress and all this undeserving BS that i have to deal with is driving me crazy and i hate it. The suicide option seriously seems like the only thing i can do because no matter what i want to do with my life i will be stuck under the control of these people that call themselves my family unable to make myself happy and do what i want with my life. They say suicide is a permanent fix to a temporary problem but it feels like a permanent fix to a permanent problem for me....
You need to sit down and talk to your family and tell them how you feel. Dont assume that they know whats going on and tell them that you have been depressed about this. Maybe compromise with them and say that you will go to a community college for the first two years since you will be paying for it and I will finish at UCLA. The first two years of college are really mainly your general education classes anyways, such as math, english, and science. I found that this is also a really good way to transition yourself into college. Have a talk with them and tell them how you feel and see if there is something that you both can do to compromise.
Hi there! Sorry to hear that you have felt depressed and that there are quite a few things come at you all at once. First off take a few deep breaths, and try to relax as mush as possible. Try not to think about everything at once. Take it slow. (*hug*) As hard as it might be to believe, this is a temporary problem. It will not be hanging over you for the rest of your life. Running away and dropping all your classes won't accomplish anything. Even though you have the feeling that no one really cares about what interests you, and what you want to do, you know that there is at least one person that does. And that person is you. It would definitely be nice and good to have the support of your parents and friends and that they show some interest in the things you want to do and accomplish. I'm sorry to hear that this is not the case. But also remember that you want to do all of this not because of them, but because you want to do it, and have a goal that you want to achieve. You have something to hand on to and to say to yourself, this is what I want to do, and this is what I need to do to get to it. You have encountered some difficulties along the way, but all of these difficulties can be overcome and addressed. Start looking into a couple of options. The first option would be to say, and perhaps admit to your self that writing the SAT might not work out on October the 10th (unless you can study for it over the next four days, which I think might be a bit too much material to cover and you will only increase your anxiety and the feelings of being depressed). So maybe look into alternative dates on which you could write it. Talk to your guidance counselor as to when it the next possible day to write it. The option is to say, 'I'll write' and see what happens. However, it seems to me that the first option might be best at this point. The other thing is that when it comes to financial help, yes it would be good if you parents could help out a little bit, but also remember that universities to have entrance scholarships, bursaries, and other financial help resources which you might be able to tap into. The other thing I would suggest is that and although UCLA has a good psychiatry program, maybe also look at other universities, who might be closer to home and not as expensive but still have a good programme. Yes, going to university is a way out for you and leaving everything behind you so to speak, but if it becomes a matter of financial difficulties, then maybe another university in a state (where also your living expenses won't be as high) might need to do it for now or at least until you have saved enough to be able to cover all of your expenses during your studies in California. Also, try to look into some work/study options at the universities that you are planning to attend. Maybe ask your parents to meet you half ways or ask them to support you for the first two years, and you will contribute to it, and try to support yourself afterward. If you do decide to go to UCLA or to another university in California where it can become really expensive, having a year off and working and earning/saving some money might be another thing to look into. If it all becomes too much, try to make an appointment with a counselor at school, so that you have someone that you can talk to about what is going in your life. Maybe the councilor can also give you some more information on how best to to move forward on achieving your goals. I hope this helps a bit!
I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties. I think your parents, in part, are afraid of "losing you" if you move across the country, and if you are the youngest, there is probably also some "empty nest syndrome" with your mom feeling like she will be very lonely without you. (Gay kids who are the youngest often have an even stronger bond with their mother, making this that much worse.) Here are some practical thoughts: First, California is, at least for the moment, surprisingly liberal with its definition of "resident". So if you were to move out here and get a couple of jobs and establish residency (takes a year) then after a year you would be eligible for in-state tuition, which is substantially less than for out-of-state students. During the year you're working you could take a few classes through the California community college system, which is still going to be somewhat pricey for a non-resident, but substantially less than one of the UC schools. You can then transfer those credits and enter the UC you get into with elevated standing. I believe there is also a "contract" system whereby you enter a community college, sign a contract to maintain a particular GPA, and you are guaranteed admittance to one or more of the UC or Cal State schools. Additionally, California is somewhat more liberal than a lot of other states in how it defines "financial independence." If you move out here and support yourself entirely for a year, and can show that your parents are not assisting you at all, there are tuition and fee waivers that you are eligible to receive that will significantly lower your tuition. A caveat though: the state is really broke and there's some question about whether those fee waivers will continue to be offered. If you do consider the move - part time school - work route, check out Sierra College which is in Rocklin, CA. It's not near the beach, but it is the largest and widely considered to be the best and most rigorous of California's community colleges. It would provide excellent preparation and probably the widest selection of classes, and because it's in a less expensive part of California, it would also cost you less to live than if you choose a school in the LA or San Diego or SF areas. Closer to home, U of MD is an excellent, highly regarded school, though I don't personally know much about their psychology program. University of Virginia is widely considered to be a public Ivy League school, but I think Virginia's requirements for in-state tuition are tougher than California's. And there are a bunch of other great state schools that are closer to home. The bottom line is, there are lots of options, and this is a pretty easily solveable problem. Even if your parents initially say "absolutely not" and have no interest in supporting you, if you are bound and determined to move to California, I would be very surprised if they will not end up opening the checkbook once you are there, established, and moving toward your goals. Parents have a way of doing that
thanks everyone for dealing with me and my little breakdown this morning i've talked to my mom again and shes now considering options of moving to CA with my and my younger brother next year when he graduates as he also wants to move ot Cali get a job there for Blizzard and go to school there. I'm still a little freaked but i guess ill deal with what i can
Hey Austin, listen to what Calchip said. Even though my location may say Belgium (and yeah I do live here), I'm a Californian and a two-time graduate of UCLA. Going to CA, doing a year or two of community college in Santa Monica College or something like that to get your general ed stuff, establish residency, then transfer to UCLA, you are golden! Of course if you can get some financial help from your dad and actually get in (real tough), then that works too. Feel free to PM me if you want more info about UCLA or the whole college system (CC, CSU, UC) in California.
I'm glad you've settled down. Because while you refer to everyone in your family being 'so selfish', you don't seem to be considering anyone other than yourself either. Your dad's money is his. Your grandmother's money is hers. It is completely up to them as to what they do with it. Ideally they'll help you out. If you haven't even talked to your grandmother about it, don't assume she isn't going to help you. You're not giving her much credit. Your dad was hesitant, because we're likely talking about 10s of thousands of dollars. Not like deciding to buy you a new bicycle. As you get older, you'll find that life doesn't always go as you might have planned. And you need to be ready for that. You need to be prepared to deal with disappointments. It's one of the most important skills that a person can develop. Keep things in perspective. Remember this situation. You were contemplating suicide, and then with one more conversation with your mom you find out that she'd consider moving to California. Focus on today. Focus on what's in front of you. Finish high school as well as you can. Keep that GPA up. Study hard for your SATs. The reality is that there's really nothing standing in your way of accomplishing what you want. It's just that the route that you take might be different from the initial one that you envisioned. Anything is possible. But only if you stay positive, and open to the different possibilities.
