Okay before I go about with the bad news how about some good news? Today marks an entire MONTH of complete and utter sobriety for me. This is the first time I've gone an entire month without the use of any type of substance (cigarettes included) in two years. So anyways, I miss my little siblings. I raised them for five years while my parents were off and about smoking crack and drinking themselves into a coma. I feel like my little siblings are MY children. I got so fucking attached to them, I know everything they like and dislike, everything that irritates them and everything that makes them smile, I know them inside and out, more so than anyone else. My mother recently gave up custody of all four of them to my father, who just got out of jail. My father has convinced them that I am hellbent on destroying the family (as if there were still a family) and now they all hate me. Every time they call my grandmother and one of them says they want to talk to me I get so excited, but my excitement is always crushed by the same thing. All they ever want to say to me is "Why won't you talk to dad?" or "Do you still love dad?" or my personal favorite "Dad really loves you." Every single time I just tell them that it's not important and that it doesn't effect them whether or not I have a relationship with him. After that they always just get all quiet and tell me they have to go. I fucking hate my father, given the chance I would fucking mutilate him beyond recognition. I want to just curl up in a ball and die sometimes because I know none of my little siblings want anything to do with me anymore, and it's all my stupid fathers' fault. I don't know what to do anymore, I can't stand the loneliness...
Not your father, nor you, nor your little siblings for that matter are allowed to understate any part of those five years you raised your siblings. The littluns they ask you these because they do not understand. But you really can`t blame them, and you knew better than to inject more hatred into them. Your father, perhaps he does not understand how to run a family. And they will look back one day, as I know I do all the time when the littluns can comprehend without hindrence from even a father, And they will see you in their youths. And they will know of the dispair one must go through at a young age. And when they remember who was there, they will see your image. And they shall see a face. And they shall see your eyes, those tears from nights spent without them, Those shimmers of light that guided them. And those with the fierceness to fight addiction to not fall as his predecessors. You needn`t forgive your father, But your siblings have. And when they shall understand, they shall choose as you have, whether or not to forgive him. But do have them love you. Do have them able, when that day comes they look back, for them to see a man so much greater than even their own father, when they look back and look into your eyes in their minds. Se eu pussede te embraçar; if I could embrace you (*hug*) .
Thank you for your kind words, and what words they were. That was absolutely beautiful, you should like write poetry or something.
First thing, congratulations for your month of complete sobriety. That's a great achievement and you can be really really proud of yourself. Now, I can only imagine how difficult this situation must be for you, especially after having spend so much time and energy raising your siblings. But I really think endless poetry has a point when he says your siblings are going to realize what you have done for them. For the time being they are too young to realise what you've done for them. And they need to deal with your father their own way. In fact, it's probably good for them that they can forgive your father and have a loving relationship with him. But it doesn't mean they don't love you. Try to keep the contact with them, and remember them you love them, that's what is important and that's what they need to keep in mind. They have to know you love them. I wish you a lot of courage. Take care, Eleanor
Hi ChokiE, First of all, congratulations on your month of sobriety. That is no easy feat. You also deserve immense respect and admiration for the loving care that you've given your siblings over the years. That said, I sense that you have a deep hatred for your father, perhaps justified for putting so much responsibility on your shoulders. But hating your dad is not hurting him, it's keeping you from your siblings. Talk to your grandmother, maybe she can help open the doors of communication that will allow you to have regular contact with your siblings. Trust me, I have people at work that I really despise, poor character traits, backstabbing, liars, worthless shits, but... I have to work with them and their co-workers. I blend out the negative factors so I can get a job done, despite them. In your case, you may have to swallow rocks (talk to your dad) in order to sustain your relationship with your siblings. That should be your number one goal. Both your mom and dad will have enough explaining to do about how they shirked their responsibilities in due time. You can't help your siblings much from a distance. You can show your dad that you have the stronger character. You won't regret it and your siblings will love you all the more when they are old enough to put things into perspective. (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) Hope things work out well for you and your family. Hate just fogs the brain. Nuff said.
Congratulations on one month. That's a great accomplishment. At this point in time, to maintain that sobriety, you HAVE TO be focussed on yourself. You're no good to anyone - your grandma, your father, or your siblings - if you're not sober. So keep focussing on that. Make it a priority. To maintain that sobriety, you need to let go of that hate. It isn't doing you are anyone any good. Accept what has happened in your life so far, and leave it all where it is - in the past. Make the most of your telephone calls with your dad and your siblings. Remember that your dad has his own addiction issues. Maybe he needs some encouragement. Speaking with your dad might have a more positive impact on his sobriety and yours than you might thinik. And in the end, the more healthy your dad is, the better off your siblings are.
It must be extremely hard for you to love your siblings so much and to want to feel a connection to them and yet feel so alienated from them. But over time, they will understand and remember and appreciate what you have done for them. Right now, you're on a road to do something your mother and father never did for themselves while you were growing up, and that's to attack and conquer your addiction, and the pain that underlies it, head on. You've succeeded with an incredibly difficult first step in maintaining your sobriety. And, unlike your parents, you are reaching out for help and support, and seeking to understand and better yourself. As you gain more time with your sobriety, you will begin to feel more comfortable and confident, and, in turn, you will find yourself attracting people who are healthier, motivated, and moving forward with their lives in a positive way, which will further reinforce and help you in achieving your own goals and aspirations. And perhaps, some day, you and your siblings will be able to gain perspective and understand that your parents, for all the pain and difficulty they brought to you, also brought you a gift of sorts, and that's the ability to rise above even the most difficult and challenging of circumstances and find within yourself the ability to grow strong and prosper. I applaud your sobriety and encourage you to continue to keep focusing on loving yourself and healing the scars that your parents, through their own weakness, inflicted upon you and your siblings. Please keep us informed!
