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How do I get a man??

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mike J, Oct 7, 2009.

  1. Mike J

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    I'm very unhappy right now.

    Over a month I've been in college.. I'm started to get very depressed and stressed out. I have been struggling to do homework not because I have better things to do.. Just because I don't have motivation.

    I want a boyfriend!! I go to a huge university, and so far I only made one gay friend. I did have a crush on him but he said he just wants to be friends so... I'm looking for a guy.

    I looked in the mirror today and am having one of those positive body image days. I'm pretty attractive. I'm funny.. humor is probably my best quality. I'd date me.

    I really need to know where to meet more gay men. I'm realllllly not into more feminine guys (I like more manly men). I'm out yes, but I don't dress that stylish (lol stereotype), and I appear pretty masculine. Of course when I actually interact with someone I'm pretty confident I come off as gay.

    So... how do I do this?

    I'm pretty situated in all my classes so I know I wont be finding Mr. Right in any of them...

    I fear that if I dont get to experience the joys of a relationship for once in my life I will explode!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and die!! and fail math..!!

    :frowning2:
     
  2. -Michael-

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    You don't need a boyfriend.

    You just want one.

    This is something most gay people go through.

    It's like wanting something you know you can't have.

    or in this case, a bit more effort is needed than say a straight person.

    You only think you need one because it's the one thing you know that is definately missing.

    A boyfriend doesn't change your life drastically.
    the right guy makes you happy, yes but it doesn't fix life.

    And life certainly isn't empty without one.


    Just go to the clubs.
    Socialise more.
    Ask your gay friend if he has more gay friends.
    Join the college's GSA?

    It's a panic for no reason.
    Just be yourself and don't try and be so desperate.

    Or you'll fall in love with the first guy you meet, he'll realise this and treat you like dirt.
    But you'll put up with it, in fear of never finding another man.

    Take things easy,
    sit back,
    relax.

    Let things flow.

    And listen to some Passion Pit. The make everything all good. :slight_smile:
     
  3. sexyalex

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    lol well said Mr Skittles :grin:
    Nice Signature!

    Anyhow Mike. You may not wan to hear this but your too G-D picky! lol I was reading your post and I am like ..."*Sigh* Mmmm, picky picky picky picky picky." Honestly, there is no such thing as the perfect lover; not unless you create one that can reasonably exist. I would share something with you, but I will start my own thread after this.

    You see, the problem lies in you wanting desperately the wrong things, and worse, going about a very vulnerable way of getting it. I went though that phase right throughout high school. Now, i am in my final year of college and I swear I am getting more than what I bargained for.

    YOU KNOW your attractive. YOU KNOW you are smart. YOU KNOW you are a good catch so why are you sweating it?
    Bottom line? You think you have self confidence (you obviously would have it to can point out your qualities) but you need to build on being more confident as an individual.

    For me, (which your not to follow btw) I got so self confident that I turned goth, dropped all my friends, made new ones, started using allot of curse words, and I didnt care for anyone but myself. I got self mindlessly obsessive. Trust me, some of the older members on EC here can testify to that behavioral change during my first couple months on EC vs. A year later. People started begging me to stop what I am doing.

    Those are just the downsides of it. The upside of it, I built so much confidence within myself that I basically got anything I wanted without even asking for it. Like some kind of unknown energy just brings w/e I want to me. THAT energy is the power of the mind and I guarantee you, if u pause and start living for yourself, do your school work and just glow. The fact that your single won't even matter.
    Fall back on friends, old friends, new friends, and even if they have partners, dont be grudgful or envious; just be happy for them and lots of good blessings with come to you.

    Finally, if you do badly want someone, u need to first think if ur ready for someone. I have had so many relationships through college and had to leave them because of school work load. I just could not balance boys and work and produce the level of quality assignments that I wanted. For you, it may be a different case. But you need to think critically about this. Being in a relationship can be demanding, and if your prepared to balance school, family, friends, life's drama, society..all in one, then...go figure!
    I agree with Mr Skittles, own the campus! Go out and get interactive. Dont just stick to "Gay people". Make acquaintances with as many people as u can...
    You can join a Frat or something...or a largely student base extra-curricular activity that u will like.

    Kk :grin:
     
  4. Nicvcer

    Nicvcer Guest

    I think I'm smart, reasonably attractive, and overall a very nice guy. I want a man too. It kills me! I know what you mean about focus...

    Don't worry, you'll be fine. Finish college and get yourself a man afterwords. That's my plan. If a guy happens to fall in your lap in the process then so be it. Don't let it distract you from school though, keep your head in the books and you'll be fine.

    After all, wouldn't you find a college graduate more attractive than someone who didn't graduate college? It'll just be another reason why men should flock to you.
     
  5. Jim1454

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    You're only a month in. Give yourself a break. Focus on classes and getting into that 'groove'. As already stated - if you're totally on top of stuff going on, you'll be WAY more attractive to other guys. They'll find you. You won't need to be looking for them.

    Good luck with college. First term is a HUGE adjustment. I'd say leave the boyfriend to second term.
     
  6. malachite

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    Don't fall in love with the idea of being in love.
    It'll lead to bad things. You'll find someone give it time.
     
  7. Goliath

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    Just act like yourself.

    Behaving like you're always looking for something comes off as too desperate, even if you think you're confident with yourself it's really easy to measure people out to see their intentions.

    Speaking from my own experience I've only gotten into a relationship when I had stopped looking for one and decided to move one with my life.

    I hope this helps and I know masculine guys can be hard to find but they lurk there in between. Good luck mate! :slight_smile:
     
  8. Lexington

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    Lots of good info here. Let me reiterate some points, and maybe toss in a few more.

    * You don't "get a man". It's like you're walking around with your arm around an invisible person with a sign "insert boyfriend here". It ain't how it works. To put it REALLY simply, you meet people, you find a guy you click with (and who clicks with you), and you decide to take it forward. If you go out with a "I need a man" mindset, you're gonna get yourself a man who's a lousy fit for you...and those don't go well, and rarely end well. I don't want to see a "I'm through with guys forever" thread from you, m'k? :slight_smile:

    * Don't immediately shut out the effeminate guys. Yeah, I know - you're not "into" them. They may not be "into" you, as well. But lemme tell you something. I'm partnered to a rather roundish guy, and it's not because I'm a "chubby chaser" or what have you. Had you asked me a decade ago what my "type" was, it would've been muscular dudes. So WTF happened? Easy - I met him, I got to know him, I clicked, and I fell in love. So don't go rejecting people before you even meet them. If it ends up you don't click with them, that's cool, but at least give it a chance to happen. Not only that, but gay guys usually know other gay guys, and so you can probably expand your social circle as an added bonus.

    * I can't speak for anybody else, but it took me at least a month to even totally get into the swing of things at college. Now that you feel a bit more at home, you can work on your social life a bit more. Meet more people. Male, female, gay, straight.

    * I didn't get a guy until after I graduated college. I honestly don't think I missed out that much. Yeah, it would've been great, but it was totally worth the wait. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  9. donnie5

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    kudos!!
     
  10. Filip

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    Yeah, even though the others all have said this, I wish to repeat it: you're actually doing pretty good!

    You're getting settled in college, you're out to people you meet. You befriended a gay guy, you're developing a social life.

    In all my years of college, I never did as much as you did already!

    So I'd say you're still on track. Just keep going to gay outings, gay clubs, all kinds of social activities, really. You can't guarantee meeting mister right in one shot (if there was a way of doing that, we would all have found our mr right by now). but you can up your chances by meeting more people.

    And don't shut out large subsections of the gay people. Even if the more "feminine" types you meet might not be relationship material, they could still be good friends (and maybe have frends that are more your type). The more people you know, the more chance someone you know will be special!