I don't know exactly what's going on with me. Just when I thought I might be getting a handle on this overbearing sense of loneliness that I'm constantly feeling, it all comes back to me again. I see all these happy couples at school--primarily straight; I think I've seen maybe one or two lesbian couples throughout my entire high school lifetime--and they just give me this little jolt of loneliness every time I walk past. There are so many great guys who like me, but I'm just not attracted to them. And it always makes me think, "Well, if I were straight, I wouldn't be this lonely. I could be normal and happy and in a relationship. I could be in love." But see, there IS one girl I like. AND she's a lesbian. You wanna know the problem, though? She lives halfway across the country from me. And she moved a freaking year ago. And even if she did still live near me, I seriously doubt she'd go for me anyway. But every time I see her post on Facebook, I still long for her like a lost puppy. It's so incredibly sad. I SEE myself being this pitiful, and yet it doesn't stop. And I keep trying to tell myself that it's okay, that I just need to wait it out and eventually I'll meet the perfect person, but holy shit that's so much harder than it sounds. Every night I dream about meeting some amazing girl and having her by my side, and I always wake up hugging my pillow, depressed, realizing she doesn't exist. Jeez. After reading through all this I realize how incredibly pathetic I really am. :lol: I just really wish these feelings would go away. I just need some human contact, you know? I can't stand being this depressed and lonely all the time.
Awwww sweet heart. I feel the same way a lot of the time. The best thing that you could do right now is try and find some gay youth organization in your area, and hopefully meet some other gay girls. If that doesn't exist in your area... I'm afraid there's nothing much you can do other than grin and bear it for the next few years.
ur not pathetic, its just hard for you to find someone and when u tend to like someone it just goes away and prevents you from even having something. But the time will come, just hang on. Try and be happy i mean i bet theres a bunch of things that could make you smile right now, dont be sad. I know its hard to ignore those feeling ive been there and everyone has and its even harder due to being gay because we get our limits, and you cant just look at someone and always be right that they could really like you. But we get ups and downs throughout life, and u gotta keep you head up and sooner or later youll see that there is someone standing in front of you holding their hand out for you to hold
Like haelmarie said, a youth organization for LGBT teens might be your best bet. Even if you don't find a girlfriend there, there will be people there who are going through what you're going through, understand, and are real-live people, rahter than just people online. Do you have friends/family that you've talked to about this? How many years until you graduate? Once you graduate and go to college you're much more likely to find a girlfriend / date because (regardless of the area, though definitely more possibilities at liberal schools) of the sheer amount of people that will be at the college/university.
A youth organization like PFLAG youth or GSA to meet other young LGBT people and i know exactly how u feel and it gets better as you get comfortable with yourself. Don't worry you look like a very intelligent not to mention incredibly attractive/cute girl especially your eyes are gorgeous (*hug*)
