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One Way Friendship + Mom might know I'm gay!? (2 different topics)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by justinishere, Oct 7, 2009.

  1. justinishere

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    1. Ok so the one way friendship comes from one of my "good friends". When I came out to her she admitted she was bi. But lately its been she has always been asking me for advice, which I don't mind but its getting to the point where she overasks and I don't get anything in return. If its not about her we don't really talk about it. For example: We were texting just a casual "How are you" sort of thing and then I told her I want a boyfriend to take me away from my stressful life. She asked me if I saw anyone I was interested in and I told her Kind of. She never texted back. So I text her again and she said she was joking around with one of her friends on Facebook and she forgot about me. It was like "Whats up with that!" Why should I put so much effort into our friendship when she doesn't put in the equal amount.

    2. When I was at my cousin's birthday party there was an incident about if I was dating anybody. It came up because everyone in my family said I was looking "very handsome" and that was because my grandma wanted me to take pictures (professionally) since I just turned 16 and she wanted some recent pictures. I also had to go to a college informational meeting so I dressed up a bit. So my other cousin, about a year younger along with an aunt of mine said "Do you have a girlfriend, I know a friend that is single" To which my mom replies, and these were her exact words:

    "He doesn't need one. He is still young. So no boy- girlfriends until later"

    She seemed like she started saying boyfriend but then stopped and switched to girlfriend. Do you think she is on to me??? Nobody else caught that but I heard it loud and clear!

    HELP PLEASE!!!
     
  2. ColdNight

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    2: Mom knows all. Seriously.
     
  3. justinishere

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    But its not like we are the closest or I let her in on the more details of my life...
     
  4. Parents pick up on most things whether they're close with their kids or not. I think your mom knows.

    As for your friend's behavior, that's just typical high school drama. When I was sixteen, I was horrible at getting back in touch with friends, so people thought I was intentionally ignoring them when I didn't call or write back right away. Maybe your friend is the same way. Just talk to her about it.
     
  5. Greggers

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    *points up*
     
  6. Astaroth

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    2. Yep, mommy dearest knows. And she doesn't seem all that unsupportive about it, so maybe it's time to broach the topic with her?

    1. Here's a quick lesson of life that I've realized applies especially well to long-distance communication: people want to talk about themselves. Strangely, it's really as simple as that. People like to talk about themselves and their lives more than anything else. So if you want to keep your friend interested in the conversation, she's most likely to respond to topics which you both share an interest in or that she can relate to. It will allow her to place herself in that situation, and therefore you're 'technically' talking about her still. Notice she sort of 'turned off' as soon as the conversation steered to -your- need for a boyfriend. While it is rude of her to just shut down after that.... that's sort of par for the course. It probably wasn't even a conscious thing for her (or most people). She probably just wasn't sure what to respond for a moment and happened to get distracted by Facebook and voila, you're out-of-sight and out-of-mind. I doubt it was intentional. Sure, it's irritating, but it's also pretty common.
     
  7. Gaetan

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    I don't remember the conversation that was going on--something relationships--but a female friend of mine slipped up. At the time, I wasn't out to even myself (still knew, but denial is a whole problem). She said something to the effect of "Sometime you'll find a boyfriend." Instantly her expression became one of shock, and she started apologizing profusely. It was an honest mistake, but we still both cracked up about it.

    Your mom might have started to slip up in a similar fashion, but I seriously doubt it.
     
  8. kramer362

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    I don't know your friend, but maybe she just had her own stuff on her mind and didn't wanna go into you wanting a boyfriend. This isn't a knock against you- we all need to vent, just sometimes the other party has their own woes, ya know? Try and respect that.

    As for your mom, she knows and sounds fine with it. Hell maybe you won't ever have to come out to her, just introduce her to the first guy you're serious with and her assumptions will prove true.
     
  9. justinishere

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    Thank you everyone for the input! :slight_smile: I hope she will be good about it but I still don't see she is. She hates the idea of guys/girls kissing etc and just doesn't want it at all.

    And for friend... its really been opening my eyes lately to see that really all she wanted was someone to vent to and thats it... so much for a best friend
     
  10. Kenko

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    It's hard to say whether or not your mom knows. It very well could have been an honest slip one. A hetero female would go through their life looking for a "boyfriend", so it might be the first thing that comes to mind when thinking of a SO.