Okay so I was hanging out with three of my friends earlier today. I was all kinda blah because I'm depressed about everything, right? So my one friend says "Hey man, you alright?" I was like "Yeah." So he says "Let's grab a couple beers or something." I normally would have thought that was a great idea, however I want to stay sober. So I say "No, I'm good." Everyone proceeded to stare at me like I was insane. Then it got heated. My same friend that suggested the drinking then says "C'mon man, one more drink isn't gonna kill ya'." I say "The drink itself won't, but what it leads to very well may." Everyone once again stares at me like I spontaneously combusted or something. So lets-get-some-beers friend says "What the fuck is wrong with you lately man?" I say "Nothing I just don't like drinking anymore." So then he says "You know what, you're a fuckin' pussy lately man." I got pissed, and what I did next was not smart or nice, but I was angry. I stood up and got in his face and said "Say that again." He looked me dead in the eye and repeated "You're a fuckin' pussy." So I threw a right hook, hit him right in the jaw and knocked him on his ass. After he stood up I told him straight up "If you think I'm a pussy because I want to actually deal with my problems and find real solutions, you're an idiot. If you three want to drink yourselves into a coma that's fine, just don't expect me to lay flowers by your bedside..." After that I left. I felt kind of bad but I knew if I called him and tried to talk to him it would just get worse. So yeah, in one way I think I made a good decision but I feel like shit for the way I handled the situation. Was I wrong to do what I did?
I think you probably could have handled that better. However, kudos for standing up for yourself and not giving in to your friends.
Right attitude, wrong action. As a regular non-drinker when others are, I've found it best to keep the focus totally on yourself. And you did that. Keep saying things like "I've just been drinking too much lately" or "I don't like how I've been feeling the next day" or whatever. Make it clear you don't care how much THEY drink, but that you're not drinking now. Then you got challenged. He called you a fucking pussy. Whenever something like that happens - and this can be tough to do in the heat of the moment, but it's always best if you can pull it off - is to take a step back and think. WHY is he saying that? WHY does a non-drinking-you piss him off? My guess - and I think there's something to this - is this: remember "am I better than them?" And remember my posts there? I suggested that as long as you can find someone beneath you, you can say "Well, at least I'm not as bad off as that, so I guess I'm OK". Well, perhaps you were that guy for him. As long as you were getting majorly drunk, too, well, there's no problem. But now you're not. And he can't use that as justification anymore. So if this happens again (and it probably will - with someone else if not him), you can always turn that around on him. "Why you got a problem with me not drinking?" He probably will keep up with the name-calling, but keep in mind what's behind it - insecurity. Don't let HIS insecurity make YOU feel insecure. You ever see two people arguing in an uneven way? With one guy shouting and jumping up and down, and the other guy just standing there keeping his head? Who do you think's more secure there? Who do you think is winning? Well, take a cue. Answering in a calm, even, aloof way (even if you have to fake it at first) makes it clear who has the problem. No matter what comes out of his mouth. A wise man once said "When someone calls me 'faggot', it says a lot more about him than it ever does about me." And that goes for "pussy", too. Lex
Well, I’d say you did the right thing in standing by your decision not to drink! Standing up to him and saying to his face why you don’t care if he thinks you’re a pussy is good too! The punching part is something you could have done without, probably. Getting into violence only needlessly escalates situations. And, to me at least, people who start punching other people look as if they lost control of the situation. Well, excepting self-defence, but that wasn’t the situation here… I don’t know the dynamic between you and your friends, though. In my case, however, I’d have solved the situation by just standing up to them, or even just cheerfullyout admitting that maybe I am a pussy after all and then just stick to my decision afterwards. I rarely if ever drink, even when going out with my friends, and I know that they respect me for that (even if they didn’t tell me that for the longest time). Also, when they say “let’s grab a beer”, I just go along, and get a coke or a lemonade while they get beers. At first, I got strange looks, but everyone got used to that pretty quickly…
id of jsut said feck it and had a beer... but kudos to you for saying no NO! NO! evil drink for me!.... the punch thing not really needed tahts kinda overkill. and alternative would be " maybe yoru right i am" then get up say later and leave...
I think Lex hit it here - the situation was more about your friend's insecurities. Then the right hook was about your own. I would apologize to your friend - of course it'd be nice to get an apology back. Don't necessarily call them out on their drinking or how it's gonna lead them into a coma - it gets back to the "being better than them" attitude. You are staying sober for yourself, for your future going forward, not to be superior to your friends. (*hug*)
Congratulations on not giving in to pressure from your friends, and even more so for standing up for yourself and making it clear that you don't appreciate being insulted. Like the others, I believe that you could have handled that portion of the communication with a little more grace and subtlety, and I would encourage you to address this verbally if there's a next time, but I'm not going to object too strenuously because I think you got your message across, and I'm sure it wasn't easy to stand up for yourself like that. If your friends are chronic drinkers/druggies, they more than likely realize, deep down, that what they're doing isn't healthy, and unconsciously they are jealous and rejecting of you, because you are doing something for yourself that they can't (or don't want to) do. By trying to get you to drink, they're trying to bring you down and in doing so, convince themselves that you aren't any better than they are. When you don't buy in, they unconsciously feel angry at themselves. When the person called you a "pussy", he was really projecting, and calling you what he feels himself, that he's a pussy because he's unable to get control of his life. It's not easy staying sober, and it's doubly hard when the people around you are losers who not only don't support your decision, but actively try to sabotage you. I think you've passed a pretty major test tonight. It doesn't mean you've ultimately succeeded -- every alcoholic knows they are, even after 25 years, one drink away from being right back where they started -- but it's an amazing step. Thanks for sharing that with us and showing others who may be struggling that it's possible to stand up for yourself even when others are trying to pull you down.
