Ok, I know that with some people they kinda know their entire lives, It didnt work like that for me, it all kinda came on suddenly and never left. Most Likely I was surpressing it so much that I hadnt noticed that I did like men. anywho in the last week or so (oh I'm Bi is why this is a problem) I havent been attracted to women at all, just men. It really is distressing for me, late laste night I was txting one of my gay friends and watching some logo and The L word came on, There was lots of sex and sorts in this episode, I watched it and the "Hot"(Supposedly) lesbian sex did absolutely nothing for me.(I watched Queer as folk and got turned on from that right before, OMG bryan..) And When I relized that This stuff that should turn me on(Girls) just dont anymore...I started to randomly cry. This whole being, Lets say different bc im not sure if im gay or bi right now, has really caught me off and I'm scared. I could really use some help. :tears:
Does it matter, really? You seem pretty comfortable with the fact that you like me - why bother with labelling yourself? I can identify, because when I first realized my attraction to the same sex I felt exactly the same way, and there is a certain freedom that comes with identifying as gay - there's a bunch of gay role models nowadays, there's the gay rights movement and it's become fairly well accepted. However, now it feels more restrictive than it does liberating. If you see a really hot androgynous person, why should their lack of a penis be a deal breaker? The thing is, a relatively small percentage of the population is exclusively homosexual or heterosexual. The rest of us are just different shades of queer. If you choose to identify as gay, whether out of convenience or that you really feel that you are almost completely homosexual, great! But don't let it become just as restrictive to you as the label heterosexual is.
I totally understand what you're going through. Labels provide a sense of belonging to a community and fitting in, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that; in fact, it can be very comforting and reassuring. If you choose to identify as gay, just don't close your mind to the other sex completely. If you're attracted to a girl, go for it.
It's tempting to want to "pick a label" just so you can get beyond that. But apparently you're not quite to the point of being sure yet. So make THAT your label. "Undecided, leaning towards bi (or gay, or whatever)". You've only been "sexually aware" for a couple of years now, and so you may simply not have gotten all your data yet. I didn't realize I was gay until I was 20, myself. Lex
Society wants you to pick one. Doesn't mean you have to. I, personally, am not entirely gay. Yet still call myself gay because I'm not straight enough to call myself bi. I've known I was "gay" for a long long time, but that doesn't make it any easier.
Boy, does that sound familiar. I didn't know for sure until I was 18 and in my first year of college, though I'd questioned before that (and in retrospect it should've been patently obvious, but obliviousness and denial work wonders =P). Part of what made it super-confusing was me going, "Wait, where did this come from? Why am I noticing women like this all of a sudden? I thought I liked guys! WHAT." But, really. You're 16. I wouldn't say that you're a late bloomer by any stretch of the imagination. Yeah. I generally refer to myself as gay, but I kind of shift between feeling like an all-out lesbo and feeling like I'm bisexual and into bi guys/androgynous guys/transvestites/Random Awesome Dudes as well as the ladies. If anyone asks for further information, I'll tell them that, but I mostly just say that I'm gay and have done with it. Also, I use the phrases "mostly gay" and "pretty damn gay", and if ever I fall for a guy and want to date him? People can give me crap all they want, I'ma do what I want. =P Going with a label feels like a big deal. I flipped out for a long time over whether I was bisexual or a lesbian. It's a convenient little thing to be able to say if someone asks! There's a certain amount of satisfaction in saying "I'm gay!" or "I'm bisexual!" and knowing for sure that it's true. Buuuut, I personally know that I felt a lot better when I just didn't sit and prod at it. There's gonna be one of them that you really feel like describes you better, and it may take you a while to figure out which one. That's okay. You can say "not straight" or "I like boys" if someone asks. And if you feel at some point like you want to go with calling yourself gay, you don't have to etch it in stone. You can just think of yourself as gay for a while before you tell anyone and see how it goes. Maybe you'll go "Actually, this isn't really right for me" or "Hey! This is me! This is awesome!" And just because you decide on a label at some point, doesn't mean that the label then determines your sexuality from there on out. If you ever like girls, you don't have to go "Wait, I can't like her - I'm gay!" So it's not like calling yourself gay or bi is a huge life-altering decision - it's just putting a stamp on what you feel describes you at this point in time. Like who you like and figure out what to call it all afterward!
i don't really have a clue exactly what i am yet... i have a LOT of seemingly mutually exclusive desires. at times it feels like i've got multiple personalities. but sit back, relax, and enjoy it. you are what you are, and whatever that is is just fine.
A lot of people are unaware that according to the only large-scale study ever done of human sexuality, it is not binary (gay-straight) or even trinary (gay-straight-bi). It is a continuum. And according to Kinsey, who did the study and created the 7 point scale, only 10% of the population is at either end of the scale (0 being straight, y being gay). Everyone else is somewhere on the continuum. But most people label themselves on the trinary scale for convenience. I think that as you have more experiences with men and/or women, it will become more clear for you. Don't sweat it; there's nothing wrong or shameful about not knowing exactly where you are on the continuum. Just enjoy the experiences you have and explore how they make you feel, and that should help to clarify your answer.
It can be hard if you get used to thinking of yourself as bi and then find yourself not being attracted to one of the two for a while. There are varying degrees of bi. In my case, I think of it as some sort of internal pendulum. I can find myself for long stretches of time feeling gay, straight or bi, where I can't tell who I'll find myself attracted to. I don't imagine this is the case with most people, sexuality is usually a little more settled. But particularly at your age, I don't think it's uncommon for it to fluctuate. I think I'd have to disagree with calchip. I think most people are by far predominantly straight, with no significant level of gayness or even bi-ness (I know these aren't words, but you get what I'm saying), or level worthy of mention. I've checked before, and I was surprised at this. Not that that has much to do with this particular point.
Speaking personally, I label myself as "gay" - but am really about a 5 on the Kinsey scale - predominantly gay, but if it was a post-apocalyptic repopulate the planet kinda situation I could probably achieve the required results... so yeah, it's rarely as cut-and-dried as "gay" or "bi" or "straight" - and I still get hung up on labels My preference is certainly guys - I certainly have no desire to seek out a serious relationship with a woman... but that's something I've only realised recently. Labels are a pain - don't feel you have to apply any label to yourself - just be honest with who you are.
I wanna call myself a 4.5 on the scale. but not everyone knows what The scale is, I just wanna know What to tell people. I guess
Saying "I'm queer" works - it gets your point across while being a bit ambiguous, I think. Or you could say, "I'm bi, but I prefer guys" if you feel like elaborating! Just suggestions, though!
