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This guy at uni (original title i know)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by partietraumatic, Oct 10, 2009.

  1. partietraumatic

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    Okay so ive been at uni 3 weeks and im loving it :slight_smile:

    The only issue is there is this guy. He lives on the floor below me. One day after a night out we were both drunk and in his room. I didnt even consider that he might be gay,so thought nothing of it. Then suddenly, next thing i know, we are kissing. He seems to really like me

    So far so good.

    However

    He isn't out. In fact i don't even know if he is gay of just curious. He has a girlfriend back home. Thus anything we do has to be secret and hidden, which has meant that in 3 days we have managed to grab 1 quick kiss,and thats it.

    I came to uni and have come out straight away, ive not lied to anyone that has asked. I kinda thought the point of that was that i would avoid any sneaking around like i did before at school,when i wasn't out. Yet,here i am, sneaking around. It feels like i've come out, yet nothing has changed.

    I wasn't expecting my life to change of course. I was just expecting that it would give me the chance to find someone, and pursue a relationship as normal. IE flirting,dating,spending time together openly etc etc.

    Now, i like this guy. He likes me, which i don't think should be underestimated as its not that common that someone likes me.

    But what i really want is a boyfriend, and i guess he can't be that to me. Added to that i don't want to get all tangled up in this, and miss someone who could be my boyfriend because im engaged in this.

    So basically i dont know what i should do.

    He likes me,i do like him, tho hes not my type physically, hes a nice guy and makes me laugh. But do i want to get involved? Is it morally wrong to carry on whilst he has a girlfriend?

    Am i just telling myself i like him because its so rare for someone to like me?

    Plus if i have to tell him i don't wanna go any further with it, i just dont know how id do it. Hes so cute when he talks to me, and i really get the impression he wants to see me the whole time.

    I just dont know.

    if you read this all,thankyou :slight_smile:

    Any advice or just general musings would be most appreciated :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  2. paco

    paco Guest

    i know how you feel, the guy i like right now isnt my type either and at first i was worried i liked him because it seemed like he was interested. whether that's it or not, it doesn't really hurt to explore your options right? you're not a bad person for trying to find out you like someone, and if you don't, you don't, just dont get too deep before you tell them.

    as for him not being out, you might just have to tell him that you're actually looking for a relationship and that a secret hookup just wouldnt work out. it might put the pressure on him a little to come out since he likes you. but if you keep this secret thing going, you're probably going to regret it.
     
  3. Beachboi92

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    from what i hear being someone's secret is not fun and apparently sucks so much and will only leave you feeling bad. This is what my friend told me after she did that same situation with another girl. You should take it slow and be a friend and maybe help him figure out where he is. But you shouldn't get into a relationship with him unless he is no longer with his girlfriend or is at least out to himself as gay or bi (if he is) it is a complicated situation hope i helped or made sense in some way (*hug*) although idk if i really made sense xD
     
  4. stratavos

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    approach him about being roommates after the term switch (since you two can be such good friends) and that if he wants you romantically, then he needs to know that you're "out" which would eventually result in him being questioned on his sexuality.
     
  5. partietraumatic

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    well i cut things off for now. Said i was doing it for my own good coz i didnt wanna get hurt, so i needed to end it now before i got attatched (truth is i already am a bit attatched)

    im pretty sure its the right thing to do,until he figures things out a bit for himself. I feel like shit tho :frowning2:
     
  6. ColdSnap

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    understandably yo ufeel shit but it would have ended up being such a WHAOMFGTRAINWRECK if you'd carried on. Def for the best.
     
  7. partietraumatic

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    lol, nice way of putting it :slight_smile: