Hi- I just came out to my mom tonight. I thought that she sort of knew or at least had an inkling, because it is pretty obivous, I mean like come on, i like shopping and musical theatre. But that was not the case, she was sort of in a state of shock. She still loves me and wont disown me or anything, but I really dont know what to do. She doesnt exactally seem keen on the idea of me being gay. She seems lost and doesnt really know what to do. I want to help her so I cant. I told her we can talk to people and she said mabye she liked that idea. She also mentioned reading some books on the topic. So I dont really know what is coming next and would like some advice on what ot do or expect. Thanks so much.
Also, look in the phone book or online for the PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) chapter in your area.
You can expect her to be shocked and have trouble beliving or accepting it. It just takes time, after all you just dropped a huge bomb on her. She seems to have took it well. For a while you could expect things to be a bit uncomfortable around her but you can easily push past that.
she will be shocked for a while and conversations may be uncomfortable and possibly embarrassing but eventually she will become her normal self again and your relationship with her might even get better but I think that she has taken it as well as can be expected. it will get better trust me just give her time and don't be afraid to talk to her no matter how awkward it may be because that will definitely help speed things along. communication is the key. try to understand where she is coming from and she'll do the same for you. I'm sure things will be fine. good luck and welcome to EC!
I think the couple of 'sticky' topics at the top of the Support and Advice section might be of some help....yeah and PFLAG may also be good for you/them
Thanks everyone for the advice. But the saga continues. This morning she told me that she told my dad after I went to bed last night. I have yet to see him, but apparently he took it ok, not great. Anyway, I can deal, thanks for the advice.
Hi Bryan, it will probably be a rough few days for both you and your parents. Give them time to get used to the idea and get ready to answer 1,000 questions, or meet with an uncomfortable silence. The main thing is that you're out to your parents and that's a step some people take years to accomplish :eusa_clap . Some never get up the courage at all. Most parents are not gonna be keen on their son or daughter being gay unless they were always prepared for that possibility. Now they have to re-think a lot of things, how they deal with you, what relatives and friends will think, what to say :eusa_doh: , etc. Hope all goes well and there are plenty of folks right here that will help you anyway they can. (*hug*)
There is a great little book called Now That You Know that would be good for your mom to read. I actually bought a few books, read them, and then passed them to my husband. I think he needed it more than I did! Still it's good to get your mom reading and learning. PFLAG has some great brochures that I would be happy to mail you. Just PM me with your address. I am also available to talk online to anybody who wants to talk to another parent.
Congrats for coming out to your parents! That takes a lot of guts, and in the long run (heck - in the short run) you'll be glad you did! Its going to take them a while to accept it - just as it probably took you a while to accept it yourself. Oh - and welcome to EC! This is a great place to discuss this stuff.
Yeah it's amazing you came out. That's definitely the hardest part. And though it might seem a little asdfghjkl;' that she told him, you might be glad she did. Now they both know and you didn't have to go through the stress of telling him. And they could have taken it worse. I think it's just something they need time to get used to. Parents have a lot of expectations that they have to rethink, or at least most do. They probably will ask a ton of questions, some of which might be a little uncomfortable. But that means they're willing to talk about. And if they don't, they may be needing some time to get used to it. Don't avoid your dad. You have to face him sometime. And it's best to do it before your imagination or worries get the best of you.
Hi everyone, thanks for everything. Right now I need all of the advice that I can get. I talked with my dad. My parents over all attitude is that they except me for who I am, even though they aren't so happy about it. They also dont want me coming out to close friends or family because they are afraid I will get hurt. I sort of wanted to do it after coming out to my parents, but that is ok, I will deal with that once it has settled in and they have gotten to "true acceptance". Thanks again, bryan
I have two pieces of advice for you. 1. Tell your parents that you are still the same son they "knew" before you came out to them. This could help them immensely, depending on your situation. 2. My parents also told me to "not tell other people" because they were afraid of me getting hurt. Depending on the general political affiliation where you live, your parents advice could be anywhere from completely solid to totally bogus. My advice is to gauge which of your friends is the most homo-accepting and come out to them. If people are generally liberal where you live, it should be safe for you to be honest with your friends. If people are conservative where you live, it might be better to take your parents' advice. I found that the best way to come out to my friends was just to be honest without actually telling them. I.E., tell some of your friends, but let others find out on their own.
It is just one week now, seems like an eternity, thanks again for all of the advice, my parents are progressing. Thanks, Bryan
