So I have been posting fairly regularly so some people all ready know the problems that this is about, but for those that dont here is the reader digest version: Im Queer but in the closet and I hate it. so anywho yesterday was National comming out day so I came out to three people, but That also got me thinking about my situation and I got really depressed, I was allready crying myself to sleep(I know, real manly). when My parents decided to have a fight about my dad watching high stakes poker on the tv(i know Wtf) so that sucked. Anyways that not the problem this tread is about, this is about this (Appearent) toll that all this stress from both the emotion problems that are comming with discoving myself alone with the fear of it getting out, and also mixed with the strain of hidding it. So I noticed what I guess would be called laspes in judgment through out my day, here are just a couple, At choir I was very distracted and couldnt sing on pitch(there are other examples but im only listing two) and after play practice I was driving home and about wrecked by cutting a guy off, it was close. Do you think that all this stress if causing this? Idk latly its kinda like during my daily life there is this ever-present fog that just engulfs me, Idk Um comment I guess, sorry if this wasnt very well written but like I said im distracted.
Hmm...I think you might want to talk with someone because sometimes being closeted can really get to people. Keeping it from my parents is taking a toll on me too, and I'm often going through brief periods of depression but they're quite frequent during the day. I think the best thing for you to do is maybe try and find a counselor to talk to so you can explain what you're going through. Who knows, he/she could help you in coming out. Or maybe contact PFLAG as they have several locations and there might be one in Akron. Often they can be such a huge amount of help. I wish you luck though, I don't want to hear about you hurting yourself over this.
Honestly, I always told myself and others that no part of me could ever, like kill mysel fo matter what, I guess I was right, I am unable to give up...But honestly right now I want to end all this so badly but I could never ever do that Cause im not sure whats waiting for me will be any better, idk.
Being in the closet may not be the only stressor you're dealing with, but I can say from experience that it definitely makes things a hell of a lot worse. Last semester, I was dealing with coming out to myself, to others, and possibly the WORST college semester I've had so far. I ended up on the verge of tears almost every weekday, pretty much. I sat around in a funk even when I was at home, feeling depressed and anxious and angry at myself. But then I did two things - I saw a counselor and just talked things out. Seriously, I only saw her four times and I felt a hojillion times better. Then? I started coming out. To myself, first, and it was like a huge weight was lifted. Then a few friends, and that felt even better still. Then, my parents, and oh man, it was like the rest of that stress? Small stuff. I still had just as much work to do but it didn't seem so endlessly miserable. So, in my experience, being closeted can be a huge, huge stress. And yeah, I spent a lot of time being unable to concentrate on what I needed to, too. My schoolwork suffered for it, since I had a hell of a time getting myself motivated. But now, I'm almost entirely out, and there is a HUGE difference between this semester and the last. School is still busy, but I'm not dealing with a bunch of schoolwork AND the pressure of feeling like I was living a lie. It's hard to imagine how much better it feels until you do it, though. I really had no idea life could feel this good until now, personally. =)
It's hard to imagine this now, but in some period of time (a few months to a few years) you'll be completely past coming out and life will be very different. You've already done the hard work in coming out to three people you know. For most people, coming out to the first person is the hardest, and each one you come out to and share with, you feel less alone. Then, as you feel more confident and have more people who already support you, it becomes easier to come out to the more important people in your life. Most people your age find themselves distracted and thinking about a lot of things now and then -- it's part of growing up -- but the best advice I can give is to relax and take it easy; there's no timetable for coming out, and you can take as much time as you need to feel comfortable with it. And in the meantime, try and keep your eyes and thoughts on the road while you're driving, OK? You don't need the distraction of being in the hospital
(*hug*) Honey, I sympathize. I think your questions been answered pretty well, so I'm just going to nitpick. Gender roles suck. You don't need to make an excuse to cry because you have a penis. Please don't think you have to live up to any gendered expectations. Easier said than done, I know, but it just made me sad reading that.
My thoughts exactly. I was going to say something but more wanted to get my advice across first. Anyway yeah...seriously, don't worry about crying. I think it's foolish to think just because you're a guy means you cannot cry, that's just a dumb stereotype they have on men and it's just foolish to think about that. (&&&)
Thanks guys This plus this like hour long converse with my bessstie Juli where we both cried and just talked it out really helped im still down about but less. I really love EC it so helpfull
