I got hit on for the first time in my life by another man, and to be honest, even though didnt have this whole 'oh, it is going to be magical and wonderful, and sunshine and gumdrops' concept for how my first proposition would be, this was far from it. I was on campus after a meeting, and this guy who looked to be in his late fifties started asking me questions like "what part of town do you live, and what music do you like..." Well, when he asked me if maybe I would like to go out sometime, it really hit me hard when I realized that he was basically asking me out. I politily said no, and that I am not really ready to date (which is true), and he just walked away. I literally walked into a classroom where one of my teachers taught, and she was teaching at the time, and just sat down. when she set the students to work in groups, she came over to see if I needed something, and I basically said "just to be off the radar for a moment." I just got a weird vibe from this guy, and didnt want him following me. My teacher asked a few vague questions, and she knew I was trying to avoid someone, and said that if they do actually follow me, just walk into a class or a office as if I am supposed to be there, and get a faculties attention. I am not saying a relationship with a age diffecence cant work, but I sometimes feel like people need to remeber boundaries. just because you think you can work your charm on someone 30 years younger doesnt meant every young guy is going to go for it.
Was he actually following you afterwards? If not, I don't think you should get creeped out. Yeah, he was older, and maybe a little too forward for someone like you who's not used to that, but he seemed pretty respectful and polite. I have to ask though: after you said you weren't looking to date, did he really just...walk away? I mean, he didn't say anything? Smile? Nod? Just walked off? That does seem kind of strange.
I'm sorry you had that experience. Most likely the guy will take the hint from your conversation and you won't hear from him again. The sad thing, based on my experience, is that an enormous percentage of older gay men who engage younger gay men in conversation are looking for sexual relationships or hookups. The majority are more subtle than this guy was; a number of my friends have each talked to at least a half dozen older guys who insisted they "just wanted to be friends" but within a couple of weeks, were asking creepy sexual questions or hitting on them. And that has the unfortunate effect, over time, of making younger gay men very wary of any older guy approaching them for any reason. Of course, this isn't limited to gay men; I hear the same thing from young women who get hit on by creepy older guys as well. I just wish people were a little more respectful and less self-centered.
I'm sorry, I don't see how he didn't respect boundaries. If it's just because you're young, and he's older, you've got a lot of learning ahead. He asked, you said no. That was it.
From what you related, it sounds like this guy did respect your boundaries. For whatever reason, he was attracted to you and struck up a conversation. He thought maybe you were interested, asked and when you said no, walked away. If he did not say goodbye and walked away, that would be a bit rude – I am not entirely clear from your story if that is what occurred. But, up to that point, it sounds like he did nothing wrong. Consider how many posts we see on this site from people who are lonely and looking to meet someone. What is the advice we give – go up to someone you may be interested and start a conversation. This is how you meet people. If you do not make the effort, you cannot meet someone. I understand that you were uncomfortable because of the age difference. I would have been uncomfortable approaching someone as young as you, considering my age. However, this guy was not. Maybe age difference is not an issue for him or maybe he likes younger guys. My point is, he was attracted to you and made an effort. You said no and he left. If anything, this sounds like a great teachable moment about how to approach someone and strike up a conversation.
I'm hit on like by so many 40 year olds and up it's quite annoying. I have an age limit of no older that 31 years old. Anyone older than that and I'm done.
Well, the boundaries part was before, during the meeting, we were talking about our experinces, and I did say that I wasnt ready to date. Also, I really was uncomfortable that the first question was 'where do you live." which really irked me, because, for obvious reasons, I dont share my personal info with people I dont know. Also, because this is a college support group, not a dating service, and apperently he has tried doing this before with other students in the past at GSA meetings. I just think it was inappropriate in the time and place to be doing things like that, expecially when a person says they are not dating.
Hmmm.... I don't see any real boundaries cross. It's not like you were under 18, but you're 26..... and he just ask you out politely. Both adults (not really a young adult at 26, sure young in comparison but it's really adult by that age) Geez, not that big of a deal. If it was a guy your age you wouldn't be so weirded out, so get over yourself. Why are stereotyping old guys? I hate to be old now, if this is what the younger generations going to think of me in 35 years.
:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap You said what I was gonna say in a good summary. *sigh* I hate when people beat me to it. :lol: But really, I was expecting more. I dont what exactly is the boundary breaking in that.
That's awkward. =\ But at least i actually misread it the first time cause i thought it said "I got hit for the first time in my life by another man" And I was like "OH FUCK!" Good luck keeping the creepers away though!
Just got a bit creepier. got a email from the groups advisor asking if he had approched anyone else. apperently, he went after three of the other guys in the group.
Well at least he's moving on and not stalking one of you He just made you uncomfortable, but it happens and he's probably just lonely and doesn't know how to approach guys.
I'm a little surprised the people are not more supportive to Emberstone here. I don't know how to describe it, but there are certain interactions that just give you a creepy feel. It doesn't have to be someone older, but it often is. And I think we have some pretty clear evidence now that this guy wasn't so much attracted to Emberstone as he was to anybody that appeared to be remotely close to Emberstone's age. And that, to me, is creepy. If you are an older person attracted to people who are considerably younger, you have to get used to the fact that this is not something that is widely accepted in society, particularly gay society. And if you are going to seek out relationships or hookups with younger people, you should be exceedingly careful and respectful -- that is, if you don't want to be branded as a creep.
For him to ask a younger guy out in any other purely social context would be ok. If it happened (for example) at a bar, that would have been acceptable. And it does feel awkward to be hit on by someone your not attracted to (because of age, looks, etc). I can see why you think he's creepy, though, because he uses a support group to meet people for dating purposes. Being a member of a support group myself, I would be seriously annoyed if someone from the group just started coming on to me (or started talking to me in a non-platonic way). I mean, it might be different if we saw each other regularly outside of the group and just had a natural chemistry between us. But yeah, in general, using an LGBT support group as a dating service is just plain not cool.
