It's weird ever since the dance this past saturday I haven't really felt like myself. I don't know why but I am becoming depressed and longing for other people I am starting to meet to be gay. But not just gay but that I could have a relationship with them. It's weird cause this is nothing like me, I normally keep all emotions locked up because they just cause problems, but lately it seems like the flood gates have been burst wide open and I get that longing again to meet and be with someone. It's a horrible feeling and I just want to go back to normal...
Thats the same place im in right now too. I dont know a single gay person in real life. Maybe i thought coming out would change that magically or something, but of course it didnt. Now im the lonely gay kid. I long to just be around other gay people and have a relationship with one. I deal with it by coming on this site It makes me feel less alone. Other than that, i just break down and cry alot when im alone and then im good for awhile, until my next break down. I figure eventually ill meet someone or get over this stage, until then i just...deal.
Idk It's weird cause I suspect one of the freshmen in band is gay and so I'm making an effort to kind of be an older brother figure so if he needs anything I can help him. IDK, I'm just afraid I'll get to the depression like I always do and it sucks cause I usually feel like that forever.
That's the unfortunate result of damming up your emotions. Eventually, the backpressure gets to be too much, and the dam bursts. Sometimes, it's a minor thing that makes the river on the other side surge a bit, but sometimes, the dam entirely gives out, and the resulting flood causes massive damage as it washes across the unsuspecting countryside. Although coming out does not mean that you'll suddenly have some god with a magnificent body standing there overhearing you as you tell your best friend, only to rush up and ask you to take his hand in marriage, it is a big huge help. If no eligible mates know that you're available, then they can't seek you out. Being out is a huge part of it. But, there really is a lot of truth to the old adage that when you stop looking, you'll find someone. That actually is directly related to the other old adage, that if you can't be happy with your own company, no one else will be happy with you either. Let me elaborate a bit, as I normally don't speak in cliches. The key is that you have to be happy with yourself. Let me say this plainly, from my own experience. If you're waiting to meet the perfect person, the "soul mate" that will "complete you", you're fucked, plain and simple. You're in for a lot of pain and a lot of heartache and a lot of misery and a lot of depression. Why? Because you're waiting for some outside force to come to your rescue instead of taking charge of your own life. But, even if you do meet someone and you expect them to "complete you" and you bring all that baggage into the relationship, it's pretty much a guaranteed failure. Do you have any hobbies, stuff that you enjoy doing on your own? Do you go places, like parties, if you're invited? For example, I met my boyfriend (we've been together a year now) at a Halloween party in Chicago. I was invited by a couple of people that I knew a little bit, so I decided to make the drive and go, even though I wouldn't know that many people there. The trick was that I was happy on my own. By then, I had made friends all over the place, and I thought nothing of getting in touch with my friends in, say, Toronto (a 4-5 hour drive), and driving up on a Saturday afternoon to do something that night. I didn't worry about the car ride because being alone didn't bother me. Even now, since my boyfriend still works in Chicago and we only get to be together on weekends, I'm hanging around home working on a fantasy map and swearing at Faux News on the TV. I love my boyfriend, but I don't fall to pieces when he's not around, even though I miss him a great deal. I am capable of entertaining myself and being happy on my own. Like the old saying goes, if you're not fit company for yourself, you're not fit company for others either.
