I need some relashionship help, guys

The first thing I would do: go and apologize or make amends in person.

One thing that's unfortunate about so many relationships today is how they take place online. I'm guilty of having done the passive-aggressive Facebook status or Myspace survey once or twice, but I've learned my lesson about it. It hurts to have something private about you (being him in this case) broadcast over the internet and to people he doesn't know as well as to friends. I'd back off on the internet stuff right now, speak to him in person, and let him know some of what you've told us. I think that once you two have a stronger IRL relationship, anything that happens online should be more minor.

One thing I wonder is if his status about staying at Jacob's house was him sneaking around behind his parents' back. I'm not entirely sure what to make of that, though...

 

Apologize. Alot.

I dont know what else you can do. You can get creative in your apology(s), but thats about it. If you have a mutual friend you could hire that person to try and covey your message, or try something like a hand-written and decorated letter, to show the effort your putting into this.

Try and work on the "He said that maybe we shouldn't be "talking" anymore, because he says I get mad at the littest things that don't matter." and give him a promise or show him proof of it.

 

I would actually disagree with this.

Have you talked to him about all this? Not just your bullshit text war, but actually talked?

Because to me, although I'm only reading your side, it's obvious that there was at least some form of disagreement and some form of disappointment or hurt by at least one party. Whether or not he KNOWS that he's hurt you is entirely a different conversation. A blanket apology is nothing more than trying to sweep something under the rug. From your vantage point, it looks like he lied to you, and you know what? Being angry is a valid reaction at that point. If he blows you off when you ask him about it without actually explaining what he meant by that facebook post that made you angry, then being more angry is, again, a valid reaction. If you just apologize, NOTHING GETS SOLVED.

Truth be told, from my vantage point (again, only seeing one side of this), he tried to dodge you with the whole "maybe we shouldn't talk anymore" because it looks to me like he knows he's been caught in a lie.

You need to sit down and TALK to him. NOT apologize out of hand, but TALK to him. Text him and tell him that you and him need to talk when he has a moment. If he accepts, explain to him, gently and calmly, that his facebook post and subsequent dodge hurt you and made you angry and explain why. Whether or not that was his intention is irrelevant, to be quite honest, because intentions aside, they did in fact make you angry.

Now admittedly, your little stunt on that quiz thingy was pretty crappy, and only made the situation worse. That does warrant an apology, but if you just apologize yet don't talk about the original issue, you've solved nothing. What you did with that little stunt was a classic case where someone hurts you so instead of doing something constructive, you just hurt them back. Too many people do this, and too many relationships are destroyed because the parties in them have no conflict resolution skills, and putting that thing on facebook instead of asking him directly, "Hey, WTF about that facebook post, eh?" falls squarely into that category.


Supposing that he chooses to refuse your request to converse, then yeah, your relationship's pretty much fucked, with all sorts of blame to pass around. If he's not willing to talk to you, then he's demonstrating that he lacks the same conflict resolution skills I mentioned earlier and the same ones that would have told you to stop before you put up your rebuttal post.

Offer the olive branch, tell him that you guys need to talk about the whole facebook/counter-facebook thing. Apologize for your bit at that point, once you make it clear that you're not just trying to sweep the whole issue under the rug. Once you do that, then you'll be able to either patch things up, or figure out where to go next. Either way, you'll actually SOLVE the problem.

 

i agree...do you need to talk in person...that way at the point in the conversation where you need to embrace him you can...but you may also need to give him some space, but when it comes down to it, do it in person...

 

One thing to consider is that from now on you shouldn't jump to conclusions and wait til you talk to him before getting angry or thinking he's a liar. As for now just apologize and tell him you wanna work on not getting pissed off over everything.

 

Just remember that you can't control emotion and emotional reaction. You can control the actions that you take based on those emotions and emotional reactions, but you cannot control the underlying emotion.

When you believed he lied with his facebook thing, you can't control or change the fact that you felt hurt and/or angry about it. What you could have controlled was how you originally handled it.

That said, that's why I recommend talking to him like I recommended earlier. Having been in a relationship for a year now, I've realized that if one party does something that hurts or angers the other party, you have to talk about it and resolve it. Why did it hurt? Was it something that the person who was hurt should have just blown off, or was it something that the person who did it should not have done?

Talk it out, get all the issues on the table, and get it solved.

 

At the risk of sounding patronizing...

...you're 15. First relationships (at any age, but especially at yours) tend to have a LOT of blundering around in the dark. There tends to be quite a bit of "he said/she said", a lot of "he did this which means that", and ton of misunderstanding. And it tends to boil down to one main problem - communication problems. So let me give you a few things to chew on.

* You often can't tell what somebody's thinking.
* People are different, and react differently to things. Things that make you mad might not make him mad, and vice versa.
* Don't think "he should know that I don't like this". Unless it's something obvious like "poking me in the eye with his finger", he might not know.
* People are dynamic. They change. Not just over time, but from day to day. You might really want a ham sandwich today, but wouldn't have ordered one yesterday or want one tomorrow.
* The way you've been communicating with him can be politely called "passive-aggressive behavior". It's the same as looking unhappy but saying "nothing" when he asks what's wrong. And it usually results in putting another layer of confusion and misunderstanding on top of the original one.

As others have suggested, it's time to move away from the non-communication. Start talking to him. Directly, about precisely what the problem is. Yes, it's uncomfortable, and yes, it'll feel weird. But the sooner you do it, the clearer the picture will be. (And the better you'll be at it in the future.)

I would apologize. Specifically about the things YOU did wrong. The facebook stuff and the lack of communication. "Sometimes, I've been really bad about saying what I feel instead of talking to you directly. I'm sorry about that, and it's something I really need to work on." And then, with that out of the way, talk about what happened. What you saw, what you felt, and how you reacted. At that point, the ball will be in his court.

Lex

 

Part of being in a relationship means doing things that you might not want to. You don't have to like them, but you usually DO have to do them. And I mean this bit of advice for both of you. It's nice that you want to be considerate of what he wants, but relationships aren't one person dictating the rules for the other one. If you want to talk with him, you have the right to talk to him. Obviously, don't go to him when he's really busy, or you know he doesn't have a lot of time. But any other time, tell him "I really need to talk to you for a bit if I can." If he puts you off because he's busy, accept that, but ask for a SPECIFIC time in the NEAR future (next couple of days) when you CAN talk to him. Then, make it stick.

Lex