So there's this guy at my school, who recently started talking to me and when he does he kinda giggles and makes awkward comments, i can't think of any examples right now. This guy is really an awkward guy who doesn't have a vast group of friends, or any particular group that i see him with often at all... but yeah, one of my friends came up to me and asked me if this guy was gay, coz apparently he had been given my friend the look (you know what i'm talking about) and i guess my friend took me to be the expert on such matters. (not that i'm out out, it's more of a badly kept secret, kinda of an elephant in the room). So I started talking to this guy, to be friendly, to see if there is any truth in this, and well now he tends to be hanging out with mutual friends that we have so we end up in the same conversation, just not talking to each other. So I asked what one of my mutual friends thought of the matter, and she thought that we might be onto something because she (who is a year above me) had done an gay attitudes survey for pysch on our class. And he (though the survey is supposed to stay private my friend told me his answers, yeah i know that's a little shady and untrustworthy but that's not the point of this) ticked most of the boxes that I ticked. indicating he had a really positive attitude toward gays. BUT that wasn't it, he also indicated that he felt SAFER around gays than straights. to me, that is the final nail in the gay coffin... I think... MY QUESTION IS THUS! do you think that there is an obligation to see if we can help our fellow gay? I feel odd as I don't REALLY know him all that well. But I feel like I should do something... I mean as far as I know, he doesn't have anyone to talk to about anything really. Like I said, really awkward guy, he hangs around his younger sister quite a bit. He's not mean or rude, just a awkward. but yeah, what would you do?
i think if your in a position to help and want to then ...yes help him talk to him be a friend to him as it sounds liek he doesent really have anyone to talk to and theres alwlays things you cant talk to straight friends about well some you can but most straight friends there are certain things that jsut dont go down well if chatted about...so it would be good for him. as for obligation i dunno it depends on teh persons view...my default setting is to help i have to decide not too.. and thats hard as i feel an ass... i think we should look after each other though as we know the sort of thing we are all going through as to degrees have been there so can understand... after all as great as straight friends are it isnt the same as theyve not been in the position of suffering violence and beeing outcasted based on sexuality people never bring up the fact your straight in a negative way... so as much as they sympathise they cant tottaly relate so i think in the tough times and school is a total bitch for this we should be there for each o6tehr thats why i think such things as gsa are really important for support advice and to make friends you can relate too... so i feel you partially have an obligation to be there but its upto you if its a passive role where he can coem to you or you take teh lead and talk to him about things...
I've wondered this many times. I still can't say whether it's right or wrong, but I do know that it's the mindset I've been using, and sometimes it isn't exactly the best option I could have taken. Case in point: I was going to room with a friend this year, but I told her I was gay beforehand. She immediately cancelled and didn't speak to me for a few months because she was afraid that if we roomed together, I would attempt to seduce her or do... naughty things while she was sleeping. Several months later, she came out to me. I still absolutely resent her and wish her a life of misery because she made me so depressed (I know, I'm super mature...), but I feel it's my obligation to introduce her to other gay people, give advice, blah blah blah. And I hate myself for it. That wasn't the first time that the exact same scenario has played out for me. I'd say to trust your own judgment. If you want to help him and he needs help, by all means, help him!
You could certainly try to help the boy, though approaching him directly about it could scare him away. I am pretty much out at college, and one of my old friends who goes to the same school is pretty obviously gay. But he comes from a conservative, religious background and so I don't foresee him dropping the act very soon. I've done all I can to let him know that I'm here for him if he needs me, but other than that there is not much I can do. It's something he'll have to figure out for himself before he'll let you help, I think.
I do think we have an obligation as young, proud and out gay people to help fellow members of our LGBT community that are clearly struggling with things like coming out or being comfortable with themselves. But this may just be because i think we have an obligation as human begins to help out our fellow man whenever we see someone in need and we have the power to help. Thats just how i was raised and how i see the world. I think its especially important to stick up for our fellow minority members however because we are the few against the masses. We need to stick together, especially in high school type situations. If we dont help eachother out, who is going to help? "First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a communist; Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist; Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist; Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew; Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak out for me." That poem speaks dearly to me. I really believe in things like this.
thanks for advice. I think I will try and get closer to him, just to see if he wants someone to talk to.
I don't know if I'd say it's an obligation, but if you can, I think it's a great thing. And not just for him. But for you, and for all of us. Because as Harvey Milk said, "gay people will not win their rights by standing silently in the closet." So everyone we can help be more comfortable about their orientation, the better.
I think its great to help other people whatever they may be struggling with. But in the case of being gay, it certainly helps when someone who knows what it's like to be gay is available. Straight friends can only understand to an extent. As Will & Grace's Jack McFarland once said "We senior gays have a responsibility to the freshmen; to teach them, to bring them along... because that's what we do in the community; We Gay it Forward." Hahaha I love Will & Grace! Anyway, I don't think you have an "obligation", but most people appreciate when someone who understands their situation is willing to help BTW, Jack's "gay it forward" line is a play on the movie title "Pay it Forward", just so that those of you who didn't laugh, now can
