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My mom will not stop harassing my brother and I about our money.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MusicIsLife, Oct 15, 2009.

  1. MusicIsLife

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    My brother is 18, he works at wal-mart.

    I am 20, and I work at Chapters.

    Neither of us are the greatest at saving money, but my brother has a little bit set aside for school, though at this point nowhere near enough.

    I am worse, and I have no money set aside for school. The only difference is that I am actually in school, trying to get my marks up enough to get back into a regular program. (I'm in one evening class at the moment)

    My mom has been breathing down my brother's neck about his money habits like he's a drug addict or an alcoholic. Every time the word "money" comes up, there's a screaming match between them and the second I try to get my mom to lay off him, she turns on me and harasses me to no end.

    In addition, several months ago we had a "talk" where she promised to leave me and my finances alone, which is a promise she continues to break.

    I really don't know how to approach her on this, because every time I try she starts screaming at me "You still haven't paid back your train ticket" (busted on a train with no pass) "Your credit card is still maxed out" (And at this point nearly completely under control) "You have no money set aside for university" (true, I have no excuse for this one) and so on and so fourth. I can't get as single word in because she goes basically nuts.

    I know that I need to have a better hold on my finances, but I wish she'd give me a goddamn break. I work at a bookstore making 9.45$/hour part time, I can't hardly just pay off everything I owe all at once, and the same goes for my brother and he even makes less than me.

    Is there any way I can get my mom to lay off, or for her to see that I'm only twenty and I'm not the only kid in the universe who has an unpaid ticket, money owed to my credit card, etc?

    Not to mention that she's charging my brother and I room and board.

    kay, I think im done :/
     
  2. Fiender

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    When she starts yelling just walk away. She probably wants attention, so deny her that.
     
  3. guacj

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    Why don't you try and sit her down and ask her if she would help you budget your money so that you can get your credit card under control, and save some money for University. This will give her a look at how much money you have to work with and maybe she will lay off of you and your brother.
     
  4. Chip

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    guacj's suggestion is a decent one *if* you are willing to let her have that amount of control.

    There are some variables here. If you're living under her roof, then she arguably has some right to at least have input into how you're managing your finances. However, if she has already agreed to lay off, then at a point when you are *not* fighting about money, sit down with her and discuss the issue and and say "I was under the impression that we had an agreement that you wouldn't be doing this. What am I misunderstanding?" And then let her say whatever (don't argue) and then try and get back to wahtever your agreement was, and get her agreement. Ask her several times, in several different ways, so there's no ambiguity, once you have reached agreement.

    Then, if she brings it up again, very calmly say "We've previously agreed that this discussion is off limits. I'm simply not going to engage, because that would be breaking our agreement." and walk away.

    She is probably genuinely concerned, and honestly, she may be giving you advice that you need. But she's going about it the wrong way, and you don't need to be yelled at. As long as you keep your cool and don't yell back, it will be hard for her to continue to yell; she'll eventually feel stupid. And when she calms down, then perhaps you can talk.
     
  5. BasketCase

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    As long as you are paying into the house then really she shouldn't be giving you that hard a time.

    The rest is your personal finance. I pretty much agree with calchip.
     
  6. MusicIsLife

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    Thanks everyone for the advice :slight_smile: I'm gonna give what calchip said a shot, and heres hoping that it goes well...
     
  7. Jim1454

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    Yes, as far as working things out with your mom, go with Calchip's advice.

    But what about your finances? Having a credit card that is maxed out when you only earn $9.45 an hour is not a good thing. To show your mom you are responsible, and to save yourself any more grief, I'd hand over your credit card to her or cut it up.

    Yes - you heard me. Cut it up. If you don't have the money in your bank account to spend, don't spend it.

    I'm surprised that your mom is charging you room and board though. That seems a little unfair, if you and your brother are going to school. Maybe if you demonstrate that you're being responsible with your money she'll cut you some slack that way.