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I can't stand it anymore. Can someone please help me with this loneliness?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by HighintheClouds, Oct 16, 2009.

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  1. HighintheClouds

    HighintheClouds
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    I have a boyfriend. We care for each other deeply. But my parents don't want me to see him, not at least till my exams end. They say that it's primarily because they're concerned about my exams (they told me that they'd do the same even if it was a girl).

    However, I know that they're also against my relationship because it's a guy. You see, they're of the conservative Christian stock. We've gotten into too many arguments regarding my sexuality and before my parents started reading up life at home was miserable. Now they say that we'll discuss sexuality after the exams and whether it's right, wrong or just IS.

    It's been weeks since I last saw him. The last time was on a tryst when I was supposed to be somewhere else (yeah, I feel kinda bad about that one). It's been almost three weeks since I last contacted him. I find myself checking his blog obsessively and even another forum he frequents, just for signs that he's alive. He barely logs on to MSN any more and the last time he logged on, I saw that his nickname had a sad emoticon, and frankly speaking, that simple "=(" pulled at my heartstrings...

    I miss him so terribly, and nowadays I find myself more and more attracted to porn. I'm staring at guys even more than usual and am getting hornier. I realised that things were getting bad when I had a sexual dream about my teacher last night (it was so vivid and realistic).

    But when I analyse it, I'm just longing for his touch. I'm longing to look at his face, feel him near me and just to communicate with him. I'm even considering going over to his house one day and just surprising him with a, "Hey boy. It's me!" before tackling him onto the bed and making out like crazy.

    And I know that he also misses me...

    EC, I need help. This loneliness is knawing at my heart, making me stare out of the window and sigh listlessly. I want to get distracted from it and just surf the net endlessly when my graduation exams are in two weeks (which I'm not even that prepared for, making me feel even worse). This is terrible..

    I'm just so lonely...
     
    #1 HighintheClouds, Oct 16, 2009
  2. SailingKoala

    SailingKoala
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    Talk to your parents, explain to them how it is making you feel. tell them that not being able to see him is making you miserable and unable to concentrate on revision. If they understand and love you they would of noticed how you are getting down. Why haven't you at least called your boyfriend I take it you have mobiles surely your parents cant stop you talking to him....can they. or why haven't you organised a time for you both to be online and chatting to each other. i know these are all compromises but it keeps you together and communicating... I find it hard to understand how you havent spoken to him in 3 weeks you said... I struggle if i haven't chatted to my boyfriend for 2 days... Maybe speak with your parents about being able to have a once a week "date" where you and your boyfriend can get to meet each other.... again if it is more the issue that you are gay and going out with a guy then say the "dates" will be somewhere that is public therefore your parents know that nothing could happen sexually. Again I know it is a compromise and not what you want or should have to do but it is a short term solution that gets you seeing him while you still have exams... After the exams you can get the main issue resolved.. I would do what ever I could to make sure I could see my boyfriend and would make sure even if it was just emailing or chatting online or on the phone he understood and knew what was happening.... If it is causing you issues like dreaming about other people and watching lots of porn think how he feels and I take it he is free to do whatever....(not saying he is) but I would make me sure i got to see him or at least speak to him....

    hope you see him soon as it sounds like you really care for each other and your parents should be able to stop you..
     
    #2 SailingKoala, Oct 16, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2009
  3. HighintheClouds

    HighintheClouds
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    Haha well... Sigh.. I also really love my parents and don't want to disobey them... And my boyfriend recognises that.. I suppose some would say that I've dug a pit and thrown myself into it.
     
    #3 HighintheClouds, Oct 16, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2009
  4. olides84

    olides84
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    If your parents are so focused on you doing well on your exams, tell them that you are having such a huge problem studying and concentrating because you are so lonely and miss your bf so much. Then talk about a compromise--like Koala suggested maybe a once-a-week "date" in a public area. If they reject this idea, and you crash and burn on your exams (I hope that doesn't happen), at least you'll have a bit of "I told you so" on your side. I mean since you don't want to disobey them, isn't it at least worth a shot?
     
    #4 olides84, Oct 16, 2009
  5. SailingKoala

    SailingKoala
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    I didn't really say disobey them.... I said speak to them and try and get a compromise..... Although you have already said the last time you saw your Boyfriend It was through a "Tryst".

    Anyway Goodluck and Hope all ends well relationship, family and exams!
     
    #5 SailingKoala, Oct 16, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2009
  6. AllSmiles

    AllSmiles
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    I think you should talk with your parents and say, that it would help you get ready for the exams to see your boyfriend. That it would help you get more concentrated and keep focus. I know, it's propably not going to be that easy, but I think you should do it.

    As SailingKoala said, I think you guys should talk on MSN or on the phone, if you do so you will at least communicate in some way.

    Good luck with your boyrfriend, your parents and your exams :icon_bigg
     
    #6 AllSmiles, Oct 16, 2009
  7. HighintheClouds

    HighintheClouds
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    Oh my mom knows that I'm feeling lonely.. And basically my parents have told me that, "Don't try to bargain with us. We said cut off ALL contact already. And if you choose to disobey us, then that's your prerogative."

    There's no compromise for them. They want a total break. And that's what puts me in this dilemma..

    But just FYI, you guys are reallllyyyy tempting me to just reach out for my phone to give him a ring (and thanks for the encouragement coming in, it's helping :slight_smile:)...
     
    #7 HighintheClouds, Oct 16, 2009
  8. malachite

    malachite
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    maybe you should try to direct approch.

    When they say you'd have the same opinion even if it was a girl, tell them you don't believe them. or, just say you both know that isn't true.

    Are these college exams, or what?
     
    #8 malachite, Oct 16, 2009
  9. SailingKoala

    SailingKoala
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    From your last message and the comment of

    "Don't try to bargain with us. We said cut off ALL contact already. And if you choose to disobey us, then that's your prerogative."

    I would say it has nothing to do with your exams that they want you to stop seeing your boyfriend...

    I would also say that if you haven't kept your boyfriend or a close close friend informed of what your parents have said or are doing then do so, just to keep yourself safe and your friends informed of what is happening.

    I would say call him or text him, why should they have to know you called him...

    Otherwise you could send messages through a mutual friend if you have one that you can trust - don't let your communication stop between each of you.

    Stay safe with whatever you choose to do as it sounds like, you are not ready or able to move out of Home
     
    #9 SailingKoala, Oct 16, 2009
  10. HighintheClouds

    HighintheClouds
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    @malachite Nope but these exams are the ones which will decide if I do get into college...

    You know.. I called him, and I'm MSNing him right now. And I feel better. =)

    But.. I also feel guilty for breaking my parents' rules. This is ridiculous.. Sometimes I feel as if I'm living for other peoples' expectations...
     
    #10 HighintheClouds, Oct 17, 2009
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