Okay, I tend to dislike threads that go, "Oh woe is me, I'm so alone." But I guess I kinda understand that sometimes you just gotta let things out. For several years now...or rather, forever...I've been single. I've had sex with a guy, but it was such a disaster that it left me broken-hearted and depressed, so I don't really call it a relationship. Anyway, I've toyed with the idea of waiting for college until dating. After all, I'm a senior in high school, once that's over and done with I'll be off to another state (Dunno where just yet). However, it still doesn't make it any less painful when I am reminded pretty much every night that I'm still alone boyfriend-wise. Friends really help, but I want a human pillow, a shoulder to cry on, a waist to curl an arm around, a hand to hold. It doesn't help that I have VERY low self-esteem about my looks. I've talked to my therapist about it, and though he has several LGBT clients/friends, none of them report any good gay-oriented hangouts (or at least, none that someone under 21 can go to). I just need some advice on how to keep myself from breaking down again. College seems like such a long ways away...
Trust me: college is closer than you think, and it'll probably be even better than you can imagine. No, you won't have a boyfriend as soon as you step foot on campus, but you will at least be able to find places to hang out with other LGBT people. I know exactly how you feel right now; I felt the same way, but now that I'm in college, I've met some of the greatest people imaginable and have someone I'm interested in. Right now: look around school for any LGBT clubs or anyone out people, become friends with them, and enjoy single life while you still can! (Yes, it does have its perks sometime.)
I can empathise with how you feel as I'd been in that same situation for a very long time. But now, I have somebody.. Out of curiosity have you ever tried online dating sites? That's where I met my boyfriend one year and three months ago.
AtomicCafe is totally right; college makes things better. Granted, it took me two years to fully 'get it' and tell people, but it did the trick. At college you have to re-figure out who you are a bit because your normal circle of friends is not there and you must present yourself to a new group. And when they accept you from the get-go, it does wonders for self-esteem. And you'll find someone. I did and I barely tried, plus I had a real bad case of self-loathing going on before it finally all clicked. Sometimes things just happen and you find people by complete accident. I know one person who found their soul mate while working at a gay crisis hotline, as in one for people wanting to be told they aren't gay. Don't worry, you won't be alone for long. (*hug*)
Hi there! I think waiting until college is a good idea. There you will also have more opportunities to get to know others and to find someone with whom it might just work out. Yes, we want someone to curl up with and hold hands with someone, and sometimes that desire can become really strong, but know that sooner or later you will find someone. Maybe ask your counselor if there are LGBT youth/teens gatherings or places where LGBT youth/teens meet up. That might be something to look into it. In terms of preventing a breakdown, keep reminding yourself about the things that you do have, which will help you to get your thoughts moving on from not having a boyfriend at the moment. If spending time with your friends helps, continue doing that. Every time you start feeling lonely, call up a friend, maybe go out for a coffee, and just chat for a while. I'm sure you have other things going on in your life that can keep you busy and occupied. Stay active in school, keep doing your work, and try to spend as much time as possible with your friends. College is going to knock on the door, before you know it. I do think that increasing your self-esteem could also help you a little bit. Every morning when you get up and look in the mirror, tell yourself, 'I like myself just the way I look'. Do this every morning or every time you see yourself in the mirror. Also, try to find something about yourself that you like. Everyday, try to keep reminding yourself what is it that you like about yourself, and why. Over time, add other things that you like about yourself. It doesn't matter what it is. It can be a hobby, it can be an achievement or it can something about your personality. As you do this, your self-esteem will generally increase because you are highlighting the good and great things that make you as a person and allow you to be you. Both combined should give you an increased sense of self-esteem and make you feel better about yourself. Give it a try. I hope this helps a bit!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESPCiwk7OlQ&feature=PlayList&p=B465DE53AFF094C9&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=67 opps the link to song here
When you do go off to college your going to have a whole new world to explore, but I'm guessing that confidence if your real issue. We all have to deal with it. Don't look for someone else's affection to make you happy. You will find a boyfriend at some point, but if your looking for his love to fix everything it will turn out bad. Bottom line: You're still growing into yourself. Take the time you need for you. Keep on truckin
I feel you pain. Currently thinking the same. I just cant wait to get to collage and be me and such no hiding from people! Best of luck.
Stop beating yourself up for not having a boyfriend. You're not doing yourself any favours, and a boyfriend wouldn't solve all of life's problems. You need to work through some of them yourself. Not everyone has a boyfriend at 18. I'd hazzard a guess that MOST people DON'T. Feel good about yourself - as has already been said - and you'll likely find that a boyfriend will find you rather than the other way around. Positive, friendly, successful people are like magnets. People WANT to spend time with them. And accept the fact that many of us (me included) didn't have a serious relationship until we were in our mid 20s. Don't spend your life waiting. Spend your life doing.
ditto. Seriously, being someone that people want to be around is among the best things other than being confident.
College really is closer than you think--I'm a senior, too, and I know how you feel. It feels so much farther away partly because you just want to leave high school but there's more to it, and I know that. I'm in favor of waiting, because if you start something now there seems to be no way you can have it continue, since you say you're leaving the state. In college you'll have plenty of time and probably a more welcoming atmosphere for romance. (*hug*) And I hope it all works out for you.
