Hey everybody - My best friend is slowly making his way out of the closet as a bisexual. His dad (who is a jerk in all capacities, so this was no surprise) is furious, blaming it on his mom for screwing him up as a kid, all that stuff. It's probably going to get worse before it gets any better. What do I do to support him? Aside from telling him that it's okay to be upset with his dad and that his dad is a total ass, what should I say to him? What would you have wanted to hear? He's also had a strange problem with our friends. People are getting really aggressive and telling him that there isn't such a thing as bisexuality or that he just isn't willing to be honest with himself and come out as gay. Anybody ever had a similar experience? Advice? Ultimately, I'm trying to figure out what I should do now - particularly when he has had someone say something unkind to him (and particularly his dad). Where does being supportive evolve into being pushy? What was more irritating than helpful? What did you wish your friends or family would have done or said?
I think your friend just needs assurance, from you and anyone else you can convince, that what he feels is the only thing that should matter to him at a time like this. He doesn't have to listen to what anybody tells him, because only he will truly know what is right for him. You just need to give him someone to talk to, and be there for him, which you are already doing. Nothing is more important than having someone who will stick by you at such an important time in life. When someone says something unkind to him, just tell him that they don't know what they're talking about, and that he isn't screwed up. He is only himself, and being yourself is the hardest, but most rewarding thing. I wish both you and your friend luck in going through this hard time together.
Yeah, as Choucho said, just stick by him and be there if he needs someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on....Sounds like you're a really good friend for coming on here and trying to help as much as you can...Good on u!...and maybe even suggest (but dont force him to) him coming on here...if he needs another place to talk or something, this is a great place to get advice
Hey Volcano, glad to see a friend signing up to ask some questions for their friend. THAT is a true friend. <3 I always love this website www.familyacceptance.org you could get some of those pages printed off and sent to his dad, his dad sounds like the one in there. Welcome to the forums, i really hope you stick around. =)
Mm I agree with Tom. <3 you'll definitely be welcome here, your friend is lucky to have you. With your friend's dad, Maybe have a mediation? you can organise it through social services i think. Its like, they hold a conversation, but they have someone to intervene if it gets out of control. they're good. if that doesn't help, maybe that dad should get over himself.
a lot of people find it harder to deal with someone being bisexual than gay . i suppose its harder to understand . when i first came out i said i was bisexual i thought it would be easier than saying i was gay but everyone kinda wanted me to make a choice . I dont think it matters how much support you give as long as your there . my mum put up homophobia posters all over the house when i told her , and i think it helped my sisters more than me . it takes time to come to terms with your life even with all the support in the world . just being there and not making a big deal about it is the best thing you can do . in the end he wants to feel normal , not like its an issue .
Welcome to EC! Its sooooo great that you're trying to be helpful and supportive. Everyone needs a friend like you! I'd agree that you just need to be supportive - that it's OK for him to be whatever he wants to be. It's also important just to talk about everyday stuff too, and carry on as best you can with the ordinary stuff too. Spending time here would be really helpful too I think - for you and your friend. He'd find lots of other people that have a similar problem, are a similar age, and have found ways to cope and overcome. Good luck!
Volcano..........just knowing your friend has your support is HUGE! If you go to the PFLAG website (www.pflag.org) and search for bisexuality, it has some good information for your friend to give his dad.
All the other replies were great. Just like they said, be there for him if he needs someone to talk to or lean on, be accepting of him where others might not be. In some ways, bisexuals have it worse in the acceptance aspect than gays. In many cases, they won't be fully accepted, at least seamlessly, in either the gay or straight community. Sadly, comments like you said (like bisexuality not being a valid orientation) are not only common, but also not true. I used to have misconceptions about bisexuality, too. It's something that I feel can easily be misunderstood. Do your best to give him your utmost support and accept him where other's might not. In time, his true friends will accept him for being who he is. I know from experience that, if you truly love someone, you will grow to accept and love even the parts of them that you may not feel 100% comfortable with. That will be the case with his true friends. The others, well, I'm not sure if it's really worth it to keep around friends who are not accepting of you as a person. In my experience, being supportive DOESN'T involve into being pushy. They are separate entities. Support him, comfort him, but don't tell him what to do. Offer to help, tell him how you can help, but don't try to force him to do anything. I realize that I've only covered a few of your questions, but I think everyone else has touched on most of them. Best of luck.
Just make sure to be there for him. Be a pillar for him. Let him bitch, even when he's annoying and whiny (just me? Maybe?). If you can make him know he's not alone, then you are a great friend.
You're already being the best friend you can be, like everyone else said. One thing you could do is educate yourself about bisexuality so you can tell people that it is a real orientation. It's a sad truth that most gay teens go through a stage when they think they're bi, so that could be why your friends think he's faking it. If you can educate yourself about bisexuality, perhaps you could convince some of your friends that it's real.
You are a great friend and your friend is lucky to have you. I have a best friend like you who is helping me in coming out. The best thing that you can do is suport him through this, make sure that he knows how much you love and suport him. (I know this may sound wierd, but give him a hug, it helps, and tell him that it is ok to cry, it relieves alot of pressure). Now, I know you are a best friend, but you really cant give him professional advice, just unconditional love. Have him call the GLBT natl. help center's help hotline, they saved my life, and these are professionals who can help him alot: Toll-free 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564) HOURS: Monday thru Friday from 1pm to 9pm, Pacific Time Saturday from 9am to 2pm, Pacific Time (Monday thru Friday from 4pm to midnight, Eastern Time Saturday from Noon to 5pm, Eastern Time) Have him call and just continue to support him.
