Okay at work today I bump into a car (everything okay), but I feel really embarrass since it left a dent, but I have insurance. I just hate people talking about me behind my back, it's my only weakness. I don't care if its in front of me, but it feels more real when I find out later... But, I don't know how to face them tomorrow, except laugh if it off if they ask, since it's the worst place to have a car accident at. It's not an overly huge deal besides that. But I felt insanely embarrass and depress when I went in to explain what happen.... and disturbed about what my family going to say. I feel like I made the hugest mistake of my whole life... it could had been prevented but I can't turn back time. Now I have tons of school stuff to do, and I have minimum hours to accomplish them, and I have to focus 100% of my attention into it for the next 3 weeks to survive. It's the difference of mediocre and good, and then the quarter is done. I want to sleep, but my work hour combine with school is making my world spin. I feel lost right now, since during work today I reassess myself (which I haven't done in a while), and decided I want to get into the adult industry in the summer since my life is passing quickly behind me. And I keep getting off my diet, since after being stress out and all I ate today, and I keep saying tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes. And if I don't lose the weight there is no way I am getting into that industry. I made a promise to myself I have to be under 140 to even begin. Which is this gogo bar in the nearest big city. And I need money more than anything, I need 5 k to fix my face; scars and my nose looks too heavy for my face. I need 20 k to move after high school to New York. And I need 10 k for this car. But I need to move to my New York... I don't care what anybody said. And I wanted to lose my virginity soon as possible, but I think that's more silly thinking since virginity is the only thing that I am proud to have when it's really nothing. I just want a boyfriend now. And my family hates me more than anything.... I fight with them too much. . It's a love/hate relationship with them, and the only one who likes me so far is my dad, but there's no love in it. I think we act like perfect strangers, since I hardly know him anymore even though he lives in the same house. My mother knows me well, but she only knows what I show and that's a quarter of who I really am. I have no personality, and just a name to everyone else. Inside I am just depress, and wanting to leave to New York.
