such a complicated situation

okay so i came out about a month or so ago...it really hit me at a bday party for my friend--i could not stop staring at this insanely gorgeous guy and have been totally infatuated ever since lol. simple so far, right?

so this is where it starts getting complicated. a separate guy and i, who is also very cute, had been getting closer..hanging out more and stuff. and he is really nice and made me feel comfortable enough to come out to him..which in turn gave me more courage to come out to the rest of my friends. anyway we continue hanging out and begin hooking up. slowly at first and then it got too far too soon. but we are both clear on the fact that we are not ready for something more serious and that we were keeping it "light", but that was before we had sex. it was a little overwhelming, but still sounds not bad right? why am i complaining you might be wondering. also, we live in the same building so we are only floors away..he's friends with my friends, etc. but here's the catch!

the entire time i am having fun with this other boy, i am still relentlessly attracted to the first boy. while they are both attractive, the first is not comparable to anyone really--he is perfect, that's the only way i can describe him..like EXACTLY what i am looking for. so while the fact that we are all friends with the same people is enough to complicate things and make it awkward, since i really want to pursue and date the first one (regardless of what the second thinks), to add even more to the web i've spun--the two used to date...and the second boy was REALLY hurt by the first boy and is still clearly not over it.

SO, what in the hell do i do? its very hard because i am still friends with the second boy and it would be so easy to let myself hook up with him again because i still want to sometimes..BUT i know that i can't continue doing so because it would not help my objective (to date the first boy). if i am successful with the boy i really like, i am certain the second will stop talking to me/hate me...but i have decided that hopefully he will get over it...and that the feelings i have for the first boy are too strong to let someone else's feelings dissuade me from pursuing it. I AM DETERMINED, lol.

it's just a terribly sticky situation :-/ and i don't know how or when to tell the second...it's not like anything happened with the first but i am just saying..if they do, i don't know when would appropriate because i am not going to hide if i start dating my dream boy, yanno?

and i know i am stupid for getting myself into this situation, but it's just how it happened...advice please :icon_bigg

 

well, you guys have raised some really great questions that will deff make you all understand better. im glad you all asked!

i do value the friendship, that being said he is not exactly a friend that i would constantly want to hang out with--he can get a little annoying at times, and also he gets a little jealous..and wants me to be jealous, when i simply am not. yes he is aware we were never serious, we agreed not to have sex and to keep things "light" as we called it. but then we had sex, and things got weird for a minute, prob my fault. i apoligized and he was kind of rude about it acting like he deserved an apology and i was the only one who was wrong...when frankly i don't feel too happy about the way we ended up having sex. well, it was obv both our faults--but i hesitated multiple times to say maybe we shouldn't before it happened, and he was pretty certain about what he wanted. well it was clear we both wanted it...i just think he wanted more and i wanted to have fun and not be serious. so we both agreed to staying not serious, and we are both perfectly able to do whatever we please with whoever we want. that being said--the fact that i want to pursue his ex-boyfriend isn't exactly good for any friendship.

and about needing approval/permission from the second boy to date his ex (the first boy), i don't think i need that. while i agree i should be the one to tell him..i don't think i need to ask him before doing that. (i DID tell him that his ex (the first boy) is the reason i realized i couldn't deny being gay anymore..since i couldn't stop staring at him). the reason they broke up seems to me to be that they broke up because the second boy liked the first boy more than the first liked the second. while he said the first didnt give a good reason for breaking up, i can imagine just from hanging out for several weeks, he can become annoying when he wants me to be jealous or something..like he will talk about going on a date a hundred times and i genuinely don't care what he does, or when he shows me a boy and i say hes unattractive he say "oh your a little jealous, huh?" and he makes sure to flirt and say all the right things when we hang out, making it especially difficult to keep avoiding hooking up with him more.

it just seems to me like the second boy is the kind that get old fast, by that i just mean his personality wears thin on me after a while.

and i hope you all don't think i am just basing this strictly off of appearance! because even though i've spent significantly less time with the first boy than the second, i can tell that our personalities are far more of a match than either of us would have with the second boy. he is just exactly the type of boy i never knew i liked, his appearance AND his personality. he has strong values and is just so appealing i seriously can NOT even think about not pursuing him.

grateful you all take the time to read and help