People who had read my previous posts must know it by now I live in a some-what conservative society/nation, where homosexuality is not only frowned upon (as if there exists a single place in the world where homosexuality is embraced wholeheartedly), but is punishable, and sometimes even to death; my family is ignorant (willfully, if I may say) about this issue than against it. They liles to pretend as if homosexuality do not exist. My father is the most religious one in the family, who understands nothing but prayer and prayer. I had never been close to him, but we had always shared a close bond. He had always been nice to me. Yet it all changed within a couple of weeks. For a few weeks, my father had been behaving very rudely with me. I had even asked him once the reason behind the sudden, only to hear shouts and screams from him. One day, after coming from office, he said - "People can change a lot of things if they want to". That statement kept ringing in my ears, but even then, I didn't make any sense out of it. Maybe I didn't want to face what was before. One day, however, he took a step more, and said clearly - "There are certain things that God hates, and you should restrain yourself from those. For instance, blasphemy is very bad...and of course, there are some extremely bad man around, who are trying to destroy our religion. They are making millions of billions of pounds by their 'filthy' deeds. God hates such people, for instance homosexuals (he really pronounced the word!), and he had destroyed two cities for homosexuality. Earthquake and tornadoes of this era is caused by God's furiousness towards transgressors (yeah right, hurricanes occur in gay cities, right; I wonder why San Fransisco hadn't been destroyed yet? Why is it that Katrina missed the alleged 'sinners' and hit the poor people instead? Seems like God missed his aim - so much for an omnipotent God who cannot even practise his aims properly). Throughout this revolting lecture, I had kept quite, anger and disgust growing unto my entire body, blinding me up. After that, I went away, cried a lot myself (remembering all the happy memories of our family together), slashed my wrist with a blade in a fit of anger, and also as a mean to lessen the emotional turmoil that had been going inside me since the time I was lectured. My father had been normal ever since then. However, this time it is me who have gotten even more depressed - if that is possible. We had never discussed sex before, so the lecture was shocking as well. It also reveals that my father must be knowing something about my sexuality (maybe he had found out that I am using EC, and other gay support forums) - yet he never talked about it openly. He is in denial, perhaps, as well? After this incidence, I have felt that I should really come out of the closet and fight for my position - even if that means the end of my life. What say?
Maybe I'm just a coward, but my stance has always been to let someone else be the hero if it could cost you your life. I wish I had better advice, but the only things I can say are: hide your online tracks as well as possible (if you aren't now) and -- if possible -- work on leaving such a homophobic world so you can live happily and freely. (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)
=( Is your father Islamic or Christian? There are materials out there you might be able to find which might help him reconcile religion with sexuality. If he's Islamic then maybe take a look at these sites: 1 2, maybe to build up a better image of Islam and homosexuality yourself and to be able to pass on some things you've read to your father if you think it would be a good idea. If you can eventually tap through to him both the ideas that you're not changing and you're not a sinner, he should in time grow accepting of you.
Dying is not a very good option. If your life is in peril get out of the country. Leave to somewhere where you can live openly and safely. You can have a full lifetime to help reconcile with your family if you so choose. Where to go? Almost anywhere that will take you will be better. Belgium, Canada, Falkland Islands (a really cold and isolated overseas territory of U.K.), France, Iceland, Norway, Sweden, United Kingdom … the list goes on
your father's a Christian and whilst I think his lecture was ridiculous, I can kinda see where he's coming from. It doesn't make it any better, and I agree - it's ridiculous to lecture your kids on their sexuality.
Please don't risk your life! Martyrdom might seem honourable, but you'd mean more to the world if you were out, gay and happy. Fighting for your position is best done from a position of equality. Not a position you seem to be in. Your dad suddeny starting to say things like "you can change" and ranting about homosexuality might indicate he has an idea. Maybe he noticed you going on EC (in which case, seriously, do make sure you delete your tracks!), or maybe he just noticed a lack of interest in girls... Unfortunately, if you live in a country where he has society and the law on his side, there's no miracle solution. You can only try to ignore it, and at most enter into a discussion with him without telling him you're gay (unless you're sure you wouldn't be in danger for doing so). Best option would be to just grin and bear it (and yeah, I'm aware that's easier said than done) and pack your bags and move out first chance you get. There are more tolerant countries for gay people (like Nitro already mentioned), though unfortunately those can be hard to migrate to. As far as I heard big cities in muslim countries are also much less restrictive (it's still "don't ask, don't tell", but it beats being in mortal danger). It's painfully obviously to me that it's easy for me to tell you this (writing this from Belgium, which is basically one of the gay promised lands). But just know that you're in the right here, and that we're always here if you need support! (*hug*)
Let me do all the sidetracking first. >>>I wonder why San Fransisco hadn't been destroyed yet God hasn't exactly skipped over San Francisco. OK, back to the topic at hand. In your other thread, I gave a rather tossed-off response, but I think it's worth revisiting. "Is there any way for you to move somewhere where homosexuality ISN'T a crime?" Maybe not now, but eventually. Because honestly, I don't think staying in that environment - even if you're celibate - is conducive to you having an overall happy life. Say you come out to your father, and you lock horns with him on this topic, "even if it means the end of your life". Well, then, now you're dead, your father has one less son, and life continues on much as it did before. But if you can work on getting out of there, and getting somewhere where you CAN live as a an out homosexual, you can live a happy and fulfilling life. Will it mean breaking from your family? To some degree, almost certainly. But it might be greatly worth it in the long run. Feel free to lean on us here as you need to. Lex
Well maybe he does not know you are gay, he would not know unless you tell him or have not deleted your tracks on the internet or caught u on a gay site. Even if he caught u on an gay site or discovered your tracks you could say to him that you stumbled on it by accident. Perhaps he stated that as he may be a closet case himself. Anyway perhaps he doing that as society is changing as issues like homosexuality which was probably not discussed in the media in your country when he was your age, is now being discussed. I not sure what country u are but I know with many conservative countries the issue with homosexuality is being discussed in the media wherever it be newspapers and tv, and of course the internet. Anyway I advise you on not comming out to your father at least until you move out of your home.
It sounds to me as if he knows. Maybe I'm wrong, but yeah, it really sounds like he has some inkling that you are homosexual. Assuming you aren't giving out clues in real life, he probably found out due to, perhaps, your search history, bookmarks, URLs visited, so on and so forth. I would suggest, well, first of all, not coming out to him. There's no real point to put your life in danger like that, at least while you live there. Second, you can cover up your tracks on the internet fairly easily. Some things that can be tracked easily by someone who wants to know where you've been are obviously: What you've written into search engines and forms, URLs you've visited, cookies you have from sites you've visited, and anything stored on your computer. Browsing in private browsing sessions helps clear a lot of that up. Deleting incriminating cookies isn't too hard either. Don't store anything on your computer, that's an easy one. If you really want to be anonymous, you could use a proxy when visiting incriminating sites. Although, that's probably not necessary. If your country is really anti-homosexuality, it would help protect your identity though. Your IP is basically your online fingerprint.
