Well, first of all, this is my first time getting back on EC in a long time. I find it really helpful, but it's another social hierarchy that I'm stuck at the bottom of. I feel so 'bleh' lately. I can barely motivate myself to do things. I'm soo lonely. Like, I have friends, but I still feel isolated when I'm with them- I feel like I don't belong. I'm not completely out, but even when i'm with the people I'm out to, I feel this way. I hate cliche's but, there's an emptiness in me that I can't seem to fill. I feel invisible. I don't have any incentive to do things, part of me wants to say "screw it, I'm just gonna be a bum".
(&&&) Oh PFFT your not at the bottom here. Its not like this is one of those forums with "member ranks" or anything. Once your a full member you have the same everything as every other full member. If your feeling left out at EC, maybe you just need to try and get to know some people here better? Chat is a great way, writing on people's walls is good too. If you want friends here you have to do the work to get them by putting yourself out there, but dont worry about rejection at EC. Soooo many different types of people come here that you will find a place to fit in, dont worry. (*hug*) And welcome back! I do remember you (*hug*) Good to see you again.
A social hierarchy?!? I must have missed that memo. EC is here to help. It's an outlet for people. With most things in life, you get out what you put in. If you're expecting to get out more than what you put in, then you ARE in for disappointment - here and in other places in your life. Personally, I like helping people. I don't ever expect to be the most popular person here, or the favourite mod, or the person with the highest post count. Think about what you're expecting to get from this site, and from the relationships you have with your friends. Do you need to reset some of those expectations? There's never a need to be alone though. There's always someone around on here to chat with or exchange ideas with. You can always send me a PM if you want to talk more about these feelings, or anything else.
Everyone goes through a bout of feeling crappy once in a while. I've found that if you just take time to feel like crap, instead of hiding it or trying to make it go away, it will run it's course and be over much faster. If you feel sad then be sad, watch sad movies, eat cookie dough ice cream, cry. Let all that bad stuff out and it will clear up on it's own...works for me anyway.
I'm sorry you're feeling alone. As was said above, this place should be a sort of haven for you...no social hierarchy is intended. It's our jobs to help one another to become more comfortable with who we are. If we present a social hierarchy here, I'm sorry. It's definitely not intentional. And welcome back (*hug*)
I know exactly how you feel. I've been like that for years. And in a town like mine, being gay is a "disease". Eventually, you will find people that will like you for you and will be there for you no matter what =) You just gotta wait it out. (*hug*)
Welcome back! And (*hug*) First of all, that feeling of not fitting in, of being not appreciated and of being empty is something that happens to everyone. Even people that are perceived as being popular and accomplished have it from time to time. But what helps for me is to just sometimes come out with the crappy feeling and ask for support from friends. A lot of the time, the isolation comes a bit from two sides. You don't tell them you're feeling bad, and they are too polite to start prying. For the longest time, I always felt like I didn't fit in with my friends, as if I didn't belong. but then I started telling them more about myself, and I was really surprised about how much I got back. It's not necessarily about being out as gay or not gay, but also about telling them "guys, I'm really feeling crappy today". It takes courage to do so (and when I do it, I always feel slightly attention-whorish), but sometimes you just have to open yourself up more to be able to get more in return. And I really do hope that you don't see yourself as being on the bottom of a hierarchy here. You should really just see it as a bunch of like-minded people to converse with. Even mods are really just other posters for most of the time. And becoming a mod or a 10,000 post poster really is not all that much of special socially superior position. they're just different roles to fill, not really something to aspire to as a kind of promotion.
I know how hard those teen years are, especially when your trying to figure out who you are with your sexulity, I was at the bottom of the social pool too. But I got through it and it madde me a tougher person. You'll get through it and it will make you stronger too. There is life after high school and it is so much better then people lead you to believe.
