2 + 1 = ?

Let me start by saying that there is no one right answer for every couple. What I am going to say applies to me and my boyfriend, but you two may feel differently.

I think it is very risky to bring a third guy into your bed. There are all kinds of emotions and jealousies that occur when that happens. I have seen it first hand with other couples. Threesomes are a lot of fun if it is your thing. However, I don’t recommend them for couples because I think it can erode the relationship, little by little. If you have a good thing with your boyfriend, don’t mess it up with a third.

Is there a reason you are thinking about this now? Is the sex getting a bit stale? If so, maybe you guys need to find another way to add some variety, such as sex in different places or watching porn together. Are there other things going on between you two that are causing you to want this? If not, be careful because once you open that door, you may not like what you find on the other side.

 

Worst thing; break up.

Best thing; a threesome that will break up. Unless you can realistic see you guys breaking up then do it. Don't put blame on anyone either;

 

First off, I'm totally for polyamorous (I'm pretty sure that's right) relationships.
Well, I'm totally for anything that doesn't harm people or society.
And as far as I know, a consensual and loving relationship does not.

Before Giant Squids of Anger come along and saw "RAWR! LOVE IS BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE AND POLYAMORY IS GROSS!" I thought that I should give you real advice:
Do you want to be in a polyamorous relationship? Specifically one with him? Do you know that it would lead to a good relationship?
If so, talk to your boyfriend about it.
Then, talk to the other boy/man/male.

If you have Facebook, check out the polyamory groups and fan page. Several people there will be more than willing to give you any first-hand-experience advice.

(Bold are the things that you should really remember. :])

 

I've read an article regarding this at a Danish gay website. There were 2 guys who had been together for 13 years and then one day, they met a guy which they both fell in love with and fell in love with both of them, too.

The 3 of them have now been together for 4 years or so and they all love each other very much.

But they also say, that they have also heard about couples who lived like that, where the sexual life works well, but if the people are together at other times than that, there are always problems and where two people have fallen for each other and then relationship has ended.

It's also stated, that not all people are "able" to live like that, but there are people that are.

Maybe you guys can too. It sounds like your position is the same as these guys'.

So whatever you guys choose to do, I wish all of you good luck (*hug*)

 

Personally, the thought of polyamory is disturbing to me - don't know why is, though, as I have come to accept a lot of things (homosexuality, for instance) that are not explicitly acceptable in our society / culture / family. I guess it probably stems from my 'union-of-two-souls' theory, but meh, maybe that just me. But it does beat me up as to why a person would require more than a spouse.

That said, I don't see why it should be illegal or immoral as long as all parties are willing and consenting.

I may have my issues with it, but then again, who am I to judge someone's living standards, without being on his shoes?

As for the OP, there's only two ways to it - get into a polyamorous/polygamous relation, or else break up. Sounds like a rather 'black-and-white' answer, I know, but those are the only two solutions, in my opinion - if you really are in love with him (and so is your boyfriend).

Granted that such relations had been a taboo subject in most cultures - but so had homosexuality - yet we embrace it wholeheartedly now (not that I am comparing one with the another, though). Contrary to the popular beliefs, such relations had been part of quite a few cultures, the most notable one being Muslim men having the right to take upto a maximum of four wives, with the wive's consent, of course. I know of quite a few men who practiced polygamy, and now they, along with their spouses are living peacefully.

However, there are instances when such relations can be fatal in nature, as well. So be careful with whatever decision you make, and think it through several times before getting onto something this serious.

Lastly, do you even know if that guy would like to stay with you two or not?

 

Just a quick question: Are you prepared to risk EVERYTHING you have with both of these guys if things don't turn out well?

 

Reminds of the novel 'Brida' by Coelho. It's about making the right decision instead of choosing it all; the protagonist there, a girl, had to choose between her current boyfriend, or the mysterious man she had an infatuation upon. She chose her boyfriend, bringing a balance in her relationship. Nevertheless, she was sad leaving the new man behind.

 

Call me stupid, but I don't see a problem here.

What's wrong with the way things are right now? Neither of you seem all the interested in getting into his pants, and he apparently hasn't made any move, so why the need to feel that things have to be taken that direction? Why not simply stay in a monogamous relationship with your boyfriend, and let this guy continue hugging, kissing, hanging out with and sleeping (nonsexually) with both of you?

Lex

 

Vicky Christina Barcelona anyone?

Anyways, figure out what all parties want. If you don't want anything more than what is already going on then why mess with it? Maybe he doesn't anything too.

but if you all find you do want more and talk about it why not give it a try then?

 

I hope this makes sense:

Theres that quote "better the devil you know than the one you dont" and it gets expanded even more and its called The 80-20 Rule.

Right now your relationship is experimenting with that 20%. Now that 20% is making you feel like 100% because its something new and exciting that the 80% didn't have but what do you think will happend if you run off with the 20%?

You'll be missing 80%. Big gamble. Build your 20%, dont go out and find it.

 

Personally I would take some time and see what you may be missing in your relationship with your bf. Then talk to him without the other guy there. It sounds like something about your relationship is stressful. What is it? Talk to you bf and see what you can both do to fix it. Maybe you need to change things a little bit. Maybe go away for the weekend, or go out to a romantic dinner then go home just the 2 of you.

As far as the other guy, I would stop having him sleep with you and your bf. I personally feel the bedroom should be between you two.

 

^what I was gonna say. Regular friends can have "emotional attractions" without being a couple. And you said that "none of it is awkward for us". Can you handle him just being a friend whose really really close to you and your bf? I mean, if you don't have any weird confusing feelings for him, it'd just be like if he were a girl, right?

 

http://www.youtube.com/user/dansavage

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=2593628

Links to Dan Savages youtube and weekly sex collum. (Yes, he talks frankly about sex and sexuality, so thats a warning. No nudity, but lots of frank discussion)

Search both of them for his advice on such a topic. He gets the same question your proposing ALL the time, and he answers it REALLY really well. I would try and find specific examples, but im not even supposed to be on the internet right now heh Good luck though, and i think his advice might really help.

 

I agree with Lex too. Are you all happy with the way things are at the moment? If so, why change them? With time, the relationship between the three of you will probably evolve one way or another, but for now, if you're happy how things are, just enjoy them.

 

How does he feel about you two? I noticed you explained how you and your bf feel about him, but what about him?