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TMD- Too Much Drama!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Gabriel, Oct 30, 2009.

  1. Gabriel

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    It's my first post here, so please bear with me; I'm nopt exactly sure what to say, so I'm going to go out on a whim here and speak from my heart... and hope for advice :icon_wink
    I have a bit of a story to tell... it starts with a boy. We'll call him J. To make a long story short, he's very cute, very nice, and very straight but has been so nice to me even after he found out I was gay AND after he found out I liked him. I imagine it can't be easy for J but I do my best to be nice and things aren't nearly as awkward as you'd think. I've dealt with a lot of girls like that, so it is possible, but... wow. J is just so amazing about that. Or, was. Until yesterday.
    Not exactly sure how the conversation got to this, but we got to talking about my friend Eileen, who thought he was pretty cute just like I did, asked me to talk to him about her. And he thought she was nice, but you could obviously tell he wasn't interested in her. And I sort of got the feeling that... it would be so much easier to get over the straight boy if he would just find a girlfriend so I'd get it out of my head that the two of us would somehow work out. Being an all-too-honest person, I told him so ("you know something, J? You need a gf) and he kept going on about how he wasn't ready for one, he didn't want one, etc. And... I was feeling a little mad, because why would you NOT want a relationship. I want one with HIM so badly that I can't stand it and he doesn't want anything with anybody.
    It was so unfair! I was a little upset because I just could NOT understand him and we were getting to be such good friends, but he still won't be honest with me! So... I teased him, maybe a little too menacingly.
    See, he gets teased for supposedly being gay about as much as I do in school. His cute high voice and splashes of sensitivity here and there are probably what people notice and criticize him for. And I think people like to call him Rainbow Boy (a term I think is endearing but he probably doesn't.
    So I texted him saying "wow J, you don't want a gf? you really are a Rainbow Boy." How stupid can you get? I'm an idiot.
    Well that comment sent my poor J over the edge, and he basically sent me a string of swears and said he was done. Goodbye. I sent three different apologies in various forms because I immediately got the feeling I'd done something wrong. And my phone told me he'd read them, he just... wouldn't reply to me.
    I made another idiotic mistake and got a friend involved because she knows him so well and also has a major crush on him (tmd! too much drama!) and then SHE snapped because she was overwhelmed from all the crap J was giving her for her trying to reason with him.
    Bottom Line: My straight friend, my best friend, the crush I'm working on getting over, J, is extremely angry at me. He's not going to a big Halloween party that happens tonight because he apparently has a hockey game to go to, but I think that's probably bull, just an excuse. I think I've messed up big, and I have no clue how to fix things. Figured it was better to involve EC than yet another friend and get them mad.
    Advice? Ideas? ...sympathies?
     
  2. Jim1454

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    My advice would be to just leave it alone for now. You've apologized. He doesn't want to talk to you right now. You can't make him - and the more you try the more he won't want to.

    And no - not everyone wants a relationship at the age of 15. Everyone is different.
     
  3. ChopinFan

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    Aw, poor guy.

    Yeah I would just let him cool off for a bit; it's highly likely that he'll want to talk to you about it afterward.
     
  4. Just Adam

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    wow... could you of picled a worse thing to call him...

    time apart doesent really help in these situations as he will be mad upset hurt and the distance will make you drift...

    if you know where he lives try to see him or see him asap and beg if you have to for him to talk to you taht it will only take a min and really have a heart to heart with him say how much you care about him and how when he gives you all teh evasive relationship bull you jsut get that hes not beeing honest with you ... cos really it might be hard to say but you cant lose him anymore than you have right now you need to kiss some major ass and get across how you really feel and what you really think...

    i would even tell him that the reason you pushed teh gf issue was it hurt you so much wanting him and if he jsut had someone you felt it would be easier to get over your feelings as stupid as it sounds...

    if you cant talk to him jsut txt him this massive message.... but it is better in person...
    im not sure chocolates and flowers will help the make up process...but dunno ...


    good luck...
     
  5. Eleanor Rigby

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    Hi and first of all welcome to EC :slight_smile:

    I agree with Jim, you should give him some space and time to calm down. Right now, he is angry with you and whatever you are going to do is going to make it worse.
    You already apologized, that's all that you could have done.
    Hopefully he will calm down (in a few hours, or a few days). When he'll be ready to talk to you again, you could apologized face to face, without making a big fuss about it. Just say you know what you have said was stupid and you are sorry that you have hurt him because he is a wonderful friend.
    Be patient, and take care, Eleanor
     
  6. Gabriel

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    I'm thankful for all the advice :slight_smile:
     
  7. Fiorino

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    Just give it time, and don't worry about it. I'm sure he'll forgive you eventually, but that wasn't a very nice thing to say!

    Hope it all works out well!
    (*hug*)
     
  8. Lexington

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    Welcome to EC! :wave:

    I think everybody gave you good advice, but I'll add two things to sort of work on the peripheries.

    * Think about how many brands of cereal there are. They're all there because not everybody wants the same thing. I have no idea why some people actually like some of them, and how other people can not like my favorites, but the fact is - they do. People are built differently, and have different wants, needs, likes and dislikes.

    * Perhaps life WOULD be easier if J were in a relationship, but it's not up to him to make your life easier. He's already done a lot for you - stuck by you as you came out AND admitted to having feelings for him - so he certainly doesn't owe it to you to jump into a relationship just to take the heat off you.

    * You having feelings for J is YOUR problem, not his. Don't drag him into it any further than he needs to be. Take some time apart, find other people to focus on.

    And yes, everybody else is right. You've apologized. Now he needs time to get over it. Give it to him.

    Lex