New Topic: Professionals Coming Out

I have plenty of experience with coming out to roommates! Been through four in college so far, and I'm a freshman. Perhaps not a good sign....

When I told the first girl I almost roomed with a few months before we agreed to room together, she immediately backed out because I was gay. Glad to have avoided that one before it happened. I let the second know about a month before the deadline to choose someone, and she was perfectly fine with it and thanked me for telling her beforehand. (Ended up moving out because her parents weren't at all -- something you probably won't run into!) Third found out secondhand through some posters on my wall (I didn't even know her name since it was a random pairing, and she just entered the room before moving in). She left immediately and left me some hate mail. Now the fourth couldn't back out, and I let her know the day before she moved in, when I met her. (We don't get contact information beforehand.) She's incredibly hateful at the whole situation and gives me daily lectures on how she wants to move out and hopes I leave soon.

So, yeah. I STRONGLY suggest telling your roommate before you two agree on housing, if you're going to get some choice in who you're with. Sometimes the type of coming out depends on who you are. For example, I don't bring girls into the room, but I do work with clubs for LGBTQ rights and events, so it's pretty obvious I'm gay. If you have a partner, plan on having a partner, or plan on being pretty open, it's really important to mention that. If you're gay but don't really do gay things (haha, I can't phrase that better), I don't think it's as huge a deal. It's just nice to not have to live in the same space as a homophobe.

To your actual question: it's pretty easy to slip things like this into conversation. I'm sure other people will have better ideas, but if you get onto the topic of bringing guys/girls over or dating, that's a decent time to mention, "I had a girlfriend who..." or "I may be bringing girls over once in a while if you're alright with that." (That's where you can expand on what you mean.) Talking about hobbies or interests? "I'm a huge fan of 'The L Word'! Describes my dating life perfectly!" Or you can just be outright: "I'm letting you know beforehand that I'm gay, just to make sure this isn't going to cause any issue."

 

AtomicCafe is absolutely right. Make sure that you're comfortable with each other before moving in because it can get ugly. I've met some girls who seemed like they would be accepting but they turned out to be really nasty.

 

yea sound slike an idea to tell the roommate casually to not make a big deal about it and see where it goes from there.. hmm good luck

 

(*hug*) Oh how i feel for you...

Very (very) impressed your still staying strong after all that shit.

 

Well, I've had a lot of roommates and I never came out of the closet or told them that I was gay until just about a week ago. He reacted like I thought he would though, very nonchalant and supportive and cool about it even had a big smile on his face. Then again I was friends with my current roommate for a little over a year and I don't really have any gay tendencies so I think that breaking the "sterotype" for what gay people are commonly percieved as also helped him understand that anyone can be gay, and that not all gay people are gay for "attention" as he said before I came out too him haha. And I told my other roommates I've had in the past, seeing as I am still friends with them, and they did not care either. Maybe I just have really good friends or something not sure. But I mean if you are already out of the closet, I'd recommend telling them before hand just because you don't wanna put yourself in the situation to live with a homophobe or in an environment where things will be awkward and you can't be your self. But if you are still in the closet, do it at your discretion, it doesn't matter how they react to it really or when you tell them. Just my 2 cents..