I wrote a REALLY long post but I realized how ridiculously long it was, and no one wants to read every thought my brain goes through. So I'm going to try to be to the point, lol. After 23 years of no sexual contact or dating... I met up with a guy from #######, there wasn't any 'spark' in my mind, but we both were on the same page and he was a very cool guy, someone I would at least wanna be friends with... so we met up a 2nd time. This second time we ended up spooning, holding hands, making out and almost going further, but didn't. It didn't feel wrong to me one bit, but looking back I'm feeling guilty that I may have used just him to feel the warmth of another person. Now we had INSANE sexual chemistry, we both wanted it BAD, haha, we only stopped because things were moving really fast. Problem is, before the point of cuddling or kissing or anything, I didn't feel anything for him beyond a friendly level. It wasn't until the point that we were physically close that I wanted to jump his bones, basically. And now that I look back, I find myself thinking how awesome the experience was, that I want to do it again... but I am NOT thinking how much I like him, and I feel so guilty about it. I have been very honest with him, and we appear to be on the same page. I told him I'm apprehensive and cautious, that I don't want anyone to get hurt if we feel differently. He agrees entirely. But then he texted me late that night saying how glad he was that we began chatting. It was so nice to hear someone actually enjoys my company, but I started feeling insanely guilty that he might really like me. Then last night, again we were texting a bit, doing our own thing with our own friends, I was drunk and I assume he was, and all of a sudden he goes "ugh dude I dig you" and how there was a ruckus amongst his friends over who the guy he's been hanging out with is. It makes me think he was going on about me or something to his friends. Which is part of the problem. Almost all his friends are gay, and they're all (him as well) into the gay scene, which I am not. I don't mean the negative stereotypes of the gay scene, which WOULD be a dealbreaker, but just the things that are different from my own interests. I know as far as drunk texting goes, well there's 2 thoughts I have on this. People are much more honest about their feelings when they're drunk, so this is possibly how it came out that he actually really likes me. Or it could be that being drunk makes you feel more strongly about people, so if our experience the night before was fresh in his mind maybe he was just feeling really good about me. I gotta get to work so I'm stopping abruptly, lol. Long story short: do I continue this when our only chemistry seems to be sexual? He says he's on the same page as me but I'm getting the impression he is really into me, and I don't wanna see him get hurt if my feelings don't become stronger. :bang:
perhaps you jsut need to talk to him see where he stands and where he thinks this is going instead of jsut guessing his feelings ... as a rule a continous sex partner where theres no wmotional conenction aint for me but...if thats what you both want to be friends with privaliges then sure go for it.
If you've already let him know on several occasions that you are just benefits, no strings, then you've done your part.
yea but even though you etll people these things it doesent stop tehm getting feelings for you and hopeing that you jsut might feel teh same one day.. and it can be crushing...so you need to be there for each other emotionally to a dergree as friends and understand he may have feeligns and to let him know its ok ...make it clear you dont feel teh same but it doesent cahnge teh relationship to you... the problem with friends with benifits once you reach that level of intimacy certain feelings can easily develop and they are powerful... so .. youve said what you have to but still be understanding.
What i meant is that it's his job now to tell you if he does have those feelings, it's not your job to be monitoring him and analyzing him and deciding that he has them and that the relationship must stop, or not. If you have to constantly monitor them and figure out what they are thinking and the relationship becomes strained/stressful to you then it really isn't no strings. Then it's not what you really wanted and you should end it.
Well I'm not lookin for just benefits, the sexual stuff really snuck up on me and I'm overthinking this basically. I think I'm just getting cold feet about trying anything because relationships are new and scary to me and I have problems with commitment. Our lack of common interests is a big part too. Plus him seeming pretty into me scares me, I'm horrible with pressure and it puts pressure on me and I'm just not used to it, which is kinda fucked up because it's a good thing... It should feel good to have someone care about me. I think the problem is I'm already feeling guilty I could hurt him because my first impression of him is that he's so genuinely nice, caring and understanding, qualities I like but then it makes it harder to let someone like that down. I've talked to other guys trying to find someone I could see myself wanting to meet in person, and this was the first guy who seemed like a decent person, instead of superficial and shallow, or only wanting sex, etc. I've made it clear I don't wanna rush into anything, so I'm gonna try to just enjoy myself instead of over-analyzing things
Overthinking would be dangerous. I find that when I'm overthinking people's reactions, I end up not having fun while objectively I really should just be enjoying myself. And feeling pressured tends to have the effect of pushing any feelings back while you're panicking about how to handle the situation. It seems like you like him, even if not in a "relationship" way. So maybe just limit yourself to hanging out as friends. Take him to something you enjoy doing. Allow him to take you to something you woudn't otherwise do. And see if you can get some common interests that way. Just make sure you're both honest about what you're feeling along the way, to make sure you don't diverge too much... And maybe try not to move into sex territory too soon again, before you have a clearer view on whether this could develop ever or if this is as far as it's going to go.
I've said before here that many of us have fallen hard for the first gay guy we meet - because they're the first gay guy that we've met. I did that. We got somewhat intimate. I thought he was really cool and sensitive and funny. And he was. But he was also unemployed, 10 years younger, and rather aimless - not someone who I would want to spend time with in the long run. I came to my senses and moved on. And there WERE other people out there better suited to me. I think you'll find the same thing.
I think you are being over analytical, but that is normal :lol: Just be yourself and make sure you make each other aware of your/his intentions. That way there will be no surprises.
Thing is, he's the one who has dated before, and I got the impression he was more into me than I him even though he's the first gay guy I've known. And he's been out since he was 15 (holy shit). He's a year younger than me, but I'm the aimless one. I've had trouble my whole life focusing and having ambition, but I was up front with him about this. He didn't seem to care even though he is going to a good school and is a much more productive part of society than I. I'm just clearing up what you said though, I'm happy where things are with him right now and him and I have clarified once more where we stand, and we're on the same level. So for now I'm not stressing :icon_bigg And this is me just being completely new to even dating. It's like going through puberty again in a way. I seriously feel like I've missed half of the experience of being an adolescent because I avoided things so much, so now I'm like an awkward teenager, lol.
