Alright, this is a long story, but I want to just get the whole thing off my chest. I came out to my Mom in a letter last month two days before I left with my brother, my dad, my stepmom and stepsister to go to Puerto Rico. I left it on top of her bed so she would find it when she came home from work later in the afternoon. I told her things like how long I've known that I'm gay, that I was getting really depressed about having to be in the closet, and that I loved her and she did nothing to "make" me gay. Well, when I came home she just avoided the whole topic, and since I didn't really know what to do, I just let it sit until I came back from vacation. But when we came back to GA and she picked my brother and me up at the airport in ATL, she waited until my brother went to the bathroom to tell me that my future was "too bright to be gay". She said that I shouldn't tell anyone else and just keep it a secret. So a few days ago she asked me if I had told anyone else, and the way she said it set me off. I screamed at her and I told her that being gay was my damn business and if I wanted to tell someone that I was gay I fricken would. And I also told her that, incase she had forgotten, that I didn't choose to be gay. And let me tell ya, getting mono last week didn't help me any either. My stepsister got it when I was at my dad's house and I accidently drank from her water bottle and caught it, even though my mom doesn't really believe that. I know she's thinking I was making out with a guy and caught it, which aggrivates me even more. Even though I wish I had gotten it from making out with a guy, and not from my stepsister's water bottle. Is there anything that I could say to her that might clear some of this fight up? My mother and I have never gotten in a fight like this, since my parent's divorce we've been really close and I would hate to have a bad relationship with her for the rest of my life just because I decided to be openly gay.
:claps: lol you told her! But definately your future can be brighter if you are out and not in! You'll be able to live a life with you're boyfriend and not have to hide it. I think you should give her a bit of time till you talk to her about it a bit more. shes still shocked.
wow - you got courage. i think you could spend a bit of time helping her out - esp if it your dad not there, and doing some things that she likes. watching what she wants - playing any games that she likes. let her know you are still you. and you still close.
Your mother is in denial. One of the grief emotions that most parents experience when they found out their child is gay. I would get some information for her to read. There is a book called "Now That you Know" that is good. You might be able to find it at the library. I'm sure you can get it from a bookstore or even one that is similiar. You can also request PFLAG materials to give to your mom. It doesn't say where you are located but if you are in the U.S., I'd be happy to mail you some. Hope this helps.
First of all, I was diagnosed with mono 3 days ago, and it sucks huh!?! I DID get it from my girlfriend, but I had to tell my mom I got it from drinking out of someone else's water. Your mom is going to be confused/mad/hurtful/mean/etc for probably a while, unfortunately. While it is completely natural and "right" for you, your mom is not gay, so it is unknown territory for her. My girlfriend put it best when I first came out to my mom: She told me that "although she is my mother, and although yes, she should love me unconditionally, I just dropped probably the biggest bomb of her life onto her". Our parents, as heterosexuals, don't expect to have gay children. Sit her down, and tell her, not through writing, that you love her, and you told her because you don't want secrets from her and you want her to be a part of your life. Maybe even go as far as you want her to be able to be there when you find the man of your dreams and start a family. I think if you and your mom are really as close as you say, she will come around, she just needs coaxing and time.
I did get her some PFLAG stuff through some chapter in Atlanta, they mailed it to me. And I got her a book at Barnes and Noble, "Coming Out to Parents: A Two-Way Survival Guide for Lesbians and Gay Men and Their Parents." But that was before I left for my vacation.
Wow... I feel like the same thing is happening in my life, sort of scary. I came out to my parents recently. My mom is sort of in denial and said alot of the things your mom said. My mom and I used to be really close and be able to talk about anything, that is when I came out, I came out to her first and expected a hug and I still love you, but that is not the case.She didnt exactally tell me my future is too bright to be gay, but she told be as much as she wanted to change it, she couldnt and she told me she would really like it if I played for the other team for a while. I also recently had a talk w/ her about coming out to my friends and family and she told me that it was my business and that I need to keep it to myself. After I told her that I wanted to be open to everyone, she filpped a :***: and told me I was doing it for attention. I told my best friend (the only other person I am out to) and her mom, who is a family therapist, said that we should go and see a family therapist. I am going to talk about it to her tommorow. (read this: http://www.therapistlocator.net/families/Consumer_Updates/GayandLesbianYouth.asp) Anyway, I feel like I am in your same shoes. I want to be openly gay, but still maintain a good relationship with my mother. If you ever want to talk about it feel free to PM me. Good luck , Bryan
can i just ask, what is mono?? Congrats on telling your mum, you've got balls. Give her time, hopefully she will beokay
mononeucleosis [sp?] or Epstien Barr[sp? again] Syndrome is a hingy that just makes you really tired and ugh feeling. I think. My boyfriend had it. It sucked, he was out of school for forever. =[ But related to the topic. I think your mom is totally wrong. Your future is waaaaay brighter when you're out. Who wants to live with a secret? My parents and I fight all the time. It'll blow ove, and she'll accept you. Just for now, don't be mean. If you get annoyed, leave the room. Don't yell, it'll make things worse. I'd say just don't bring up the subject again until she's comfortable with you being gay. I hope that helped! xGiaa
Sorry, I don't agree with never bringing up the subject again until they are comfortable because they may never be comfortable. I think it's better to talk about it in a respectful and calm way not avoid the subject.
I wouldn't avoid talking to her about it if she wasn't so unreasonable about the whole. Yes, I dropped a bomb on her, but when it comes to this particular problem we're having, my emotions and opinions are more important than hers. And if she doesn't want to be decent with me over the issue when I try to come talk to her, what can I really do? I shouldn't have yelled at her, and I'm not doing that again, but I'm not going to talk to her about it again until she settles herself out.
So go to her and apoligize for yelling at her and tell her you really want to talk about this in a reasonable calm manner.
Think of it this way, at least you told your mum. Mine found out through a friend texting my dads phone (because i used to use it) and the bad relationship we had has basically stayed the same although the comments meant to be hurtful have become scathing and more frequent. As I said it is literally not that different before she found out I'm gay. I was recently fired and had to move back home and it had degenerated to the point of me being suicidal and yet this is normal for me so I just deal with it. Even my brother and sister have started abusing me "mum and dad love you, why do you treat them like shit" and other such comments. My response "at least you were planned" they are still yet to get it. No matter how bad you think it is there is always someone in a worse situation. Deal with it, just give her some time to get over it and there should be very little difference. If not make sure you have a good life just to prove her wrong (which will never happen)
