:bang: Peeeeooopppllleee... OK, please let me give you a bit of background info on me... I swear so bad that I am bi but I'm sort of reverted back to non-acceptance of some form over the past week. Like I swear I'm bi but am I really??? Maybe I'm not. This is happening because I want to come out. I'll never find a gf or be able to let down a wall there if I don't come out, and if I come out there's a large possibility that my sister will find out and then in turn my parents and I don't want to come out to them until I'm either out of home or have a gf, whichever happens first. Thing is, I'm worried I'll come out then realise later that I'm actually just straight, even though I'M SURE I must be bi.... This is stupid, I went through confusion when I was 14! I shouldn't go back through some form of confusion now again at 19! I'm going to pour my heart out here shamefully in the hopes that someone here can help me or I don't know give me some advice or something :tears: Ok so from the start: When I started HS I wasn't into guys like all my friends, everyone thought it was weird. But they thought it was weirder when we were all in year 9 at school (14yo, everyone else turning 15) and I still wasn't interested in anyone. Thing is, I actually WAS interested in someone... That someone happened to be this really great looking, intelligent girl. First thing I did was put it down to jealousy, you know like wishing I had some of her qualities or something. But it didn't go away and I began to realise that it wasn't jealousy at all, I liked her liked her, I didn't want to be her, I wanted to be with her. So the second I realised that I went on this huge thing where I refused to let myself like anyone *although that was hard* I managed to block out feelings like those for almost everyone. I saw everyone as friends, no more. I eventually went into denial and a few months later I met this guy who I really liked, we ended up a couple when I was 16 (turned 17 while still in a relationship with him). Actually, our relationship was pretty shitty. In the 4 months I went out with him I only enjoyed kissing him one time. The rest I did it to keep him happy. Anyway after 4 months we both got fed up with each other and decided to end it. After that I didn't meet anyone I liked for 2 years, I went overseas for a year met a guy I had a minor crush on but had other things on my mind what with dealing with psychotic host grandmothers and having my brain fried everyday by all the foreign language use. I got back to Aus and had 3 guys ask me out but I just haven't been feeling anything for guys at all since that one guy at the start of last year. Meanwhile I finally came to terms and accepted being bisexual. Wound up with a HUGE crush on my best friend (which finally died, thanks to her being cold towards me the past 2 months), actually before my crush died I had told her that I'm bi. And then there's the other stuff: I can't help myself, I check girls out and for the past few months I've really wanted a girlfriend. But now it's like I've gone off both genders. Which is probably not helping with the unsureness creeping back in. I'm scared I'm going to come out then realise I'm not really bi at all. Even though I really think I am. Thinking is different from action. I hope someone has bothered reading this huge wall of text... Surely if I wanted to make out with my best friend so bad a few months ago that is a sure sign I'm bi without ever having had any experiences with a girl right? Straight people know they're straight without doing anything, so surely if I think I'm bi without being with both genders I must be right? I just don't want to come out to everyone only to realise later that I'm not bi at all, it would be bad.. I've been trying to think of ways to make bi/les friends without going to a gay bar and haven't come up with any unfortunately. My uni doesn't have a GBLT or anything. But now I'm questioning myself so much I'm laying off the idea of trying to meet anyone for a while. Someone tell me you knew for SURE even before doing anything with someone of the same gender. I don't get why I've gone back to being confused but it's nasty. I'm really sorry for the wall of text -_- T_T Help? :help: :icon_sad:
I haven't done anything (virgin) and I'm pretty sure. Although, right after I completely came to terms with it, I questioned it for two days. I tend to move through phases quickly. Anyway, if you wanted to make out with your best friend, then you probably are Bi. Hope this helps.
I'm going through a little bit of this myself Missy. I've never liked girls, in any way, and I've always had crushes on guys...for as long as I can remember. It may be inappropriate for this forum and it's really private, but gay porn has always turned me on. And I find myself just staring at guys in public all the time, because I'm just naturally drawn to looking at them. Guys are hot, what can I say? But for some reason I'm worried that if I come out I may realize the next day that I'm really straight. And it's for no reason at all. It's not like I've suddenly started to like girls for the first time in my life a few days before I decided to come out. What happened to me, and I think it's happening to you, is that you got the thought in your head "what if I'm not gay?' and instead of just dismissing it like we do with most of our thoughts, you started to obsess about it to get your mind off the stress of coming out. You're not turning straight, and neither am I, you're just having a little OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) attack. It's completely normal and you'll get over it eventually, like me.
I went through the same thing with my best friend, Sally*. I thought I was just admirous and jealous of her, but I realized later that I was in love with her. She is 100% straight as a board. My girlfriend and I have the same group of friends, and when I told her, she wasn't shocked at all. Sally is still one of my best friends, but I no longer have feelings for her (going to colleges miles away from each other helped that) Next, I assume that you don't want to go to the gay bars in fear of being outed, eh? Let me tell you that the stereotype that gay guys are the most gorgeous HAD to come from gay guys in gay bars! My straight friends LOVE going to gay bars with me so that they can look at all the guys! Get some of your friends (or at least your one friend you are out to) together and go for it! You can tell everyone that you are just there to see the guys if they get suspicious! Your friend(s) will get a great night of eye-candy, and maybe you can slip your number in to some girls too. . .
Thanks so much for replying guys. That sounds exactly like what's going through my head at the moment -_- and you've got to be right because I don't think I could possibly be straight, I'm too attracted to females. But I've started feeling like I need to prove it to myself -_- Actually I think you're right about stressing out about coming out because I think I've started feeling like I need to prove it to myself because I feel like I need to prove something to my family if I come out to them. I just can't believe I've taken a step back like this, I wouldn't have come out to my friend if I knew I was going to go back to questioning myself. Thanks a lot for posting, reading your reply made me feel better. Actually the reasons for not going to a gay bar are that I've only got one friend who knows and while she says she wants to go to a gay bar, she really wouldn't go with me. And I'm not really into drinking, and I'm not extremely outgoing either when my close friends are around (how odd is that? Around strangers I'll be loud and as talkative as anything). Then again, I suppose I could give that a go too, I could suggest we all go to a gay bar for some fun lol, I'm sure I'd find at least a couple of takers. That'd be one way to come out too XD Oh yeah then there's also dress codes... ((I feel so stupid and uneducated XP lol)) I know some clubs and bars and stuff have really strict dress codes and this isn't good in my case because most of the places I know basically limit girls to heels and dressy clothes, like you basically HAVE to wear a dress or skirt. Thing is, I'm a bit of a tomboy clothing wise. I'm not comfortable with getting dressed up at all. Tell me there are places you can go with lax dress codes, places I could get into with runners and if not jeans, cargos on XD And I can't dance. Whatsoever... See this is all why I'm sort of crossing out gay bars. So many reasons XP
First, I feel like I have to prove myself everyday. You aren't alone. I think every single one of us here has had to prove ourselves at some point in time. I hate people thinking this is a "phase." When they say that, you then have to work even harder to "prove" it to your greatest critic: yourself. You have enough on your plate with coming out, you don't need your own doubt too. Hopefully, I can assure you this. Being gay, lesbian, or bi, is NOT a phase. If you are attracted to girls now, why in the world wouldn't you be 10 years down the road? It is tough, because being raised by heterosexual parents, heterosexual relations are what we FIRST know. Going against that is hard. Once you do, though, you will realize a world that is more comfortable and natural for YOU! Now, about the bars! lol First, I can't speak for bars in Aus, or even the US (I am too young to drink in bars here, and I've never been to australia) but in Europe, they are more like big rave clubs. Some of the most fun is had on the sidelines, having one or two drinks while just chatting with friends and watching all the hott girls and guys dance. Its more atmosphere than anything. Also, all the clubs I went to I wore jeans and a shirt. While I am girly, dresses, skirts, etc. are SO not my thing, and had I been forced to wear them, I would not have gone. Check out the clubs online, or even call them to see what their codes are. Make sure you go for more inexpensive, less-fancy, club-type ones, as they will probably have more lax rules. P.S. How's the spanish going? Shall we try the post a second time around in it this time? Primero, me siento. . .Just kidding!!!! Good luck with everything!!!
I love you lol. What you and Perry said makes me feel a lot better. I have to kick my ass back into acceptance mode. what's the legal drinking age where you are? I thought it was 18 in the US too. I'll definetely see if I can find some places online and check heir dress codes out. I didn't think there'd be any that allowed jeans except maybe for guys. We should start a thread for speaking Spanish in, there's probably others on EC who can speak Spanish too!
Hey, what are online friends for, if not to help kick your ass? lol! The legal drinking age is 21 in every state in the US. Does anyone follow it? Nope. ;-) Finally, great thread idea!!! I know of quite a few who do, and I have had a couple pm me asking me to help them learn. It would be a great way for people to learn together! :-D
Damn, I thought they'd be less uppity about drunk youths in America lol. Yeah well the legal age here is 18 therefore everyone starts at around 15.
Yeah, we do kinda have reps for being alcohys, huh? lol Everyone in my area usually starts around 14-15. I live in a VERY rural area, so the excuse is that there is nothing else to do. I was a "loser" and didn't start til college (almost 19) lol
Most of the people I know start at fifeteen. Ya know, drinking some beers in the basement with friends while the parents are out. I'm not ashamed, I do it :icon_bigg. So are you feeling better?
Ahhh, a little. I'll admit I've read what you and Kat said 3 times already cos I keep sinking back to "what if..?" I'm doing it again right now damn it! lol ahh.. I want to tell another good friend of mine that I'm bi but hmm.. I dunno, whenever I think of coming out to anyone I just go completely nonsexual ((I'm sure there's a proper word for it, aka not attracted to anyone)). I obviously also go nonsensical, because like I've said I surely can't be straight. The sooner I come out to her the better. I've got more chance of meeting people through her as well as she has some bi/gay friends. My other friend who already knows says that if I'm going to tell my other friend that I'm going to have to tell everyone because it's going to get around to everyone including my family if I tell anyone else and it's better if it comes from me. I think she's pissed off with me for bringing coming out up with her so I'm scared of giving her someone to talk to about it. Coming out to family is definetely not appealing to me whatsoever. But it WILL get back to them if my friends from high school find out, because some of them are friends with my sister. I have to keep telling myself that I don't have to prove myself to anyone. It's extremely difficult when the people I love are thrown into the mix though. ... If my friends are going to bad mouth me about it though they aren't really my friend are they? That's depressing. Geebus, I have a lot on my mind. XS
Wanna see why I don't like the idea of my sister finding out about me being bi? *Apart from the fact she thinks mine and my friend's lesbian jokes are gross and not funny whatsoever* should be doing faggot gay homosexual homework verbal fights. bring it one faggot! Do you pick a fight on purpose just to have makeup sex?: omg that is so gay! can't be fagged thinking of an answer =] gay question! When I do cry it'll be because of something gay haha. Is making love and sex 2 different things?: technically no BUT sex is like a one night stand and making love is with your lover..does that make sence..well it does to be faggot! Do you agree with this saying...Isaac is gay...?: Ben..you did this! lol. Considering I don't know Isaac but you like to bag him and say he is gay...alot...then yes I agree he is a bit of a homosexual faggot gaybo yeah..nothing sexual there lol haha and again..so gay. gayness FAGGOT! gerh! hmmm...... world peace haha no...really faggots! no..right gay! GAY MOVIE! do not watch it! maccas, idiots gave my sister the wrong burger! SHE DIDN'T WANT A NAME IT BURGER, SHE WANTED A QUATER FAGS! a gay one I recon faggot and gay haha. in my dictionary faggot means ass hole and gay means stupid Name ONE trait you hate in a person. faggotness If you don’t like a person, how do you show it? Um I just act normal. If they talk to me I won't be rude and ignor or have a faggot tone I'll just talk to them nicely. I like girls - Calvin Harris =] I AM STRAIGHT! you're gay All that came from her last bulletin on Myspace... -_-
This sounds like my brother. But he just comes out and calls me gay all the time. He has a few blogs on his myspace about how "gay Andrew" is or some new gay thing that I'm doing. It's frustrating, you just got to shrug it off.
That's actually quite scary. >.<;; Like big time. After I came out to my sister though, she stopped using gay in that way, and she made her (at the time) fiance stop too. But my sister didn't get QUITE that carried away with it. >.< It's alright. When I win the lottery and turn the chicken coop into a mansion, you can all come live in it. ^_^
Ehhh.. I just picture her face this one time me and my friend joked about being lesbians and being a couple infront of my sister, you should have seeeeen her face. I don't think I'm worried about my parents that much at all really, it's my sisters XP She'll probably still say stuff like that even after she knows I'm bi. And yay! Chicken coop mansion! (!)
