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accepting or just tolerating??

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Halo, Nov 4, 2009.

  1. Halo

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    Coming out has been an interesting experience for me. It has had its ups and downs and it continues to do so. I’ve come to meet very open minded people whom accept others for who they are and I’ve come to observe how people handle the unexpected scenarios. Some people have said things such as “ha, I wouldn’t have guessed”… which makes me chuckle a bit, thinking “well, I guess I forgot to print my sexuality on my forehead before I left the house this morning.”

    Besides all that, one thing that I constantly experience in Canadian society is that people tend to ‘tolerate’ others, but do they really accept them or each other? I’ve come to challenge myself on the issue too, how do I feel about others.

    So my question is how tolerant and how accepting are people…what are some of the things that we tolerate and what do we truly accept of each other. Are Canadians accepting non-heterosexuals or are they just tolerating us?

    I find that people whom accept my girlfriend and I, are pretty cool about it and move beyond ‘omg, same-sex couple, what should I do or what should I say, ok I’ll be cool about it, I’ll ignore them’ instead they tend to socialize normally…some ask questions just as they would if it was not a same-sex couple…how we met, what we do…etc…just simple way of socializing I presume…

    But then, I think about people who only tolerate and I ask myself, are they just tolerating because they feel they have no choice or is it because they are still homo-bi-trans phobic…or do they think ‘as long as it’s not my child’. But, when they have an opportunity they may want the rights given to the same-sex couples to be taken away?
     
  2. epiphanies

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    I've never been to Canada, but from what I have experienced, I think those who tolerate but may not accept are those who do not fully understand. They acknowledge that they are ignorant about lgbt persons so do not want to say that it is wrong, but that they cannot fully support it because they do not understand.
     
  3. Greggers

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    Good questions. I often feel "tolerated" but not accepted in Canada.

    First off, i think thats a big step up from many countries were it is OK to be blatantly and strongly homophobic. Its definitely very VERY frowned upon to be openly negative towards homosexuals in Canada, and that creates a sense of people who might otherwise be very homophobic learning to "tolerate" homosexuals. Because in Canada we are basically equal under the law, it creates a good standard for how we should be treated.

    Now i know many of these people are closet homophobes and would gladly strike us of our rights if given the chance (See Maine and California.) but thankfully i dont see that happening, ever, in Canada. At least not on a large scale like provincial or federal.

    I would say Tolerance is a start, but its not the end goal. Its like a halfway point. We want acceptance, for thats the only way to get equality. Im content with tolerance though. I still want to fight for acceptance, but seeing how far ahead of the race we are than many many other countries i cant help but feel glad i live in Canada.
     
  4. Pseudojim

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    I have a friend who is very accepting, but doesn't at all understand. He has no problem at all though, and will openly discuss it with no hint of discomfort... but i can tell he just doesn't get it.
     
  5. starbucksshoote

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    Being a Canadian myself, I'm not certain you generalize about an entire nation in the way that you are trying to do. Some Canadians may be accepting, others may just be tolerating, and some may hate you because you are different.

    Personally, I have found most of my friends very accepting of it - some more so than I though they would be.
     
  6. CrimsonThunder

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    Tollerating seems like a bad word, but its better than them hating you just because of it!
     
  7. coreyjazz23

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    Most people around me are either accepting or at least tolerant. But a lot of the time once someone understands, they either become accepting, or they end up progressing to the other end of the spectrum and flat out hating you. It just depends on the person. But I'd say as a whole, people who seem to be ok with it, but don't get involved any further than "oh, its a gay couple" just don't understand.
     
  8. xequar

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    My Canadian experience, which admittedly is less than that of a native Canadian, is that Canadians are polite enough to tolerate pretty much anyone they don't necessarily like. There is probably a reasonably-sized portion of the Canadian populous that is only "tolerant" of gays, as in, they don't like gays, but are polite enough to live and let live. There are a lot of really cool people that are ok with gays in Canada, as well.

    Really, I could only wish the U.S. had a similar climate. Instead, we have organized religion working to strip us of rights and a populous that is all too willing to help do it at the ballot box, in spite of the fact that once the precident is set it can be used to strip anyone of rights.