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OMG, you guys, this is going to get nasty :(

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by AllSmiles, Nov 5, 2009.

  1. AllSmiles

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    :help:
    So there is this girl at school. I don't know, I like her, and she seems to like me too. It seems that we're maybe becoming a couple. But if we do, I think it's going to get really nasty, but I don't know if I have the guts to tell her.
    I wouldn't mind being her boyfriend, but at the same time, I've just spend so much time thinking I was gay and coming to terms with that and I thought I was simply gay.

    I have never felt like this for a girl before, she's really sweet and one of the most awesome persons I know, but at the same time, I don't feel physically attracted to her like I do for guys.

    So please help me, if you have any ideas, comments, advice or thoughts.


    PS: I don't think I'm bi, I'm not physically attracted to girls, as I just mentioned, but I don't really know any more, I'm just so confused right now...
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there! First off, take a deep breath and try to relax a bit! (*hug*)

    Sexual identities are fluid, and they can change. Maybe try not to label yourself just yet. I would suggest rather than being afraid of it, explore the feelings that you have for her deeper. If you feel that you wouldn't mind being her boyfriend there could be more to it than just seeing her as a friend.

    That said, I would still not panic. It is possible that she (in her own ways) gives you something that all your friends have not been able to give you. Often we can form emotional connections with people because we seem to be on the same wave length on things, and they have been able to show that they like you in their own ways. Knowing that she is an amazing and a sweet person might have you a bit more thinking about her than you would perhaps about your other friends.

    In other words, you can have different levels of attractions, which are fine and healthy. You know that you are not physically attracted to her, but you are probably attracted to her on an emotional level and feel a connection with her.

    Just take it slow and continue talking with her and see how these feelings develop.

    I hope this helps a bit.
     
  3. AllSmiles

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    Thanks, that definitely helped, at least I'm not panicing anymore, which is a great thing. I just started thinking about the two of us being together, an idea, I've just realized, that I actually quite like.
    Oh wow, I'm not as sure who I am, as I thought I was.
     
  4. Revan

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    Well like they said, it's quite fluid. Some gay men consider themselves as not really having labels. Now I think the relationship thing could work, but it could just develop into the type of a really really great friendship. I don't want to set you back in a panic so obviously I want to choose my words carefully...but basically a relationship generally does need you to be attracted to someone in each way (Physical, Mental, Emotional, Psychological, Sexual) and in Psychology I also learned that a successful relationship GENERALLY has three pieces of a triangle, I wish I could remember the three but at the moment I forget.

    But like I said, DON'T worry about it right now. See where it goes, and just keep us updated :slight_smile: And I hope I didn't put you back in a panic...
     
  5. AllSmiles

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    Thanks, it didn't (*hug*)

    I'll keep you updated. I'll probably talk to her tomorrow. I'll have talk her to her and deal with my self, and with her, too.

    Wow, I'm not looking forward to that conversation. But thanks for the help (*hug*)
     
  6. Revan

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    You're welcome. And damn if we lose you, you're a cutie :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  7. CrimsonThunder

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    Life is never black and white. Straight people will have time thinking they're gay, gay people will have times thinking they're straight. Most people believe everyone is a bit bi.

    If you like the girl go for it, definitely. Just because you go out with a girl doesnt mean all of a sudden you dont like guys at all.

    If you dont want to hurt her then its best to tell her about your feelings before you start anything.
     
  8. AllSmiles

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    Well, that's one of the things I'm a bit affraid of, me having to tell her everything. But thank you very, very much (*hug*)


    Awww, thanks (*hug*)
     
  9. Filip

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    Sometimes situations like these can get strange. Like the above posters said, sexuality can be fluid sometimes. Maybe you are bi but never noticed the right girls before. Maybe you're almost toally gay after all, but this girl is just the exception to the rule.

    On the other hand, sometimes I feel that whenever I have a sort-of crush on a girl (not that it happens much), it's mostly because I like the idea of being loved. If I get hints a girl likes me, then I feel like I almost have an obligation to at least try and like them back.
    And then there is the creeping feeling I have that it would all just be so easy to do the hetero thing. And I start to wonder whether I could make it work even if there is no physical attraction whatsoever.
    The end result, being invariably that in the end, I decide that it will probably lead to the situation blowing up in my face in any reasonable scenario I can think of.

    That last paragraph is just my personal experience, given for reference. For you it could be completely different, of course.

    So I would say that if you feel like you could be a couple (as in: doing more than just going out every so often), then yeah, go for it. Just do it at a pace that's slow enough to assess what you're feeling about it at every step. And do try to be honest from the start. Keeping secrets from the very start is the surest way to trouble in my (admittedly limited) experience.
     
  10. x2x2x2x2y2

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    No one is 100% gay or straight. My orientation says "Gay with a few exceptions" and I think it fits. I'm mostly gay but there are a few girls I like. I would consider myself 93% gay and 7% straight. Oh and I agree, try going out with her and If it doesn't work out, then maybe you don't like her being a gf but instead a friend. Keep us updated!
     
  11. overlucid

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    The umbrella term "bisexual" is rather confusing : it includes bi-romantic by example, which could be your case. Would you consider a life-long ( or at least a long) relationship with her ? moving in with her ? That may be some clues.
     
  12. AllSmiles

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    Thanks to all of you guys, you're really awesome (*hug*)

    I didn't get to talk with her today, but still everything seems a lot better today. I was probably just too tired yesterday :icon_redf

    But I guess I'll just how it goes and if it develops. If anything happens I'll keep you updated :slight_smile:


    Well, I wouldn't, neither a long relationship or moving in with her.


    Thanks again to all of you guys (&&&)
     
  13. AllSmiles

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    Time for a little update:

    So she's been texting me a lot this week end, often calling me sweet heart.

    I don't really know, I might have implied that I liked her the other day.
    Which is why it's so bad, I'm so out of my depth at the moment because of that, so I'm fearing that the I need a "good" reason (wow sounds so mean) in order for me to say that I can't be with her.

    And I'm really fearing that the only "good" reason would be pulling the gay card, which a thing that I would rather be without.

    Thanks (*hug*)